Part 36

Actually, both spouses, in general, fail to some extent in their fulfilling of the other's obligations. Hence, before criticizing the other or being harsh with the other due to some shortcoming, the person should look to himself and realize what wrong he himself is doing.

At the same time, though, Islamic Law has clearly laid down some rights and responsibilities so that both parties in the marriage know exactly what is expected of them and know what they need to fulfill to be a proper spouse. Thus, for example, Allah says, "And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar to those over them according to what is reasonable" (2:228).

286 Recorded by al-Tirmidhi and ibn Majah. According to al-Albani, it is sahih. See Muhammad Nasir al-Din al-Albani, Sahih al-Jaami, hadith #3315. 287 Recorded by al-Bukhari. 181

In sum, the rights of the wife or the obligations of the husband include, among others, the following:

(1) Receiving her proper dower: Allah says, "And give the women their dower with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm" (4:4).

(2) Being fully and completely financially maintained by her husband: Allah says, "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means" (4:34). Furthermore, in a hadith recorded by alBukhari and Muslim, the Prophet (peace be upon him) told Hind bint Utbah, when she complained that her husband (Abu Sufyan) was very stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his wealth without his knowledge, "Take what is sufficient for you and your child, according to what is customary."

(3) Being treated in a proper and kind manner: Allah states, "And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which Allah might yet make a source of abundant good" (4:19).

(4) Having the right to sexual intercourse: In the Sahih of Ibn Hibban there is the following narration: The wife of Uthman ibn Madh'oon complained to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) that her husband had no need for women. During the day, he would fast and at night, he would pray. The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked him, "Am I not the best example for you to follow?" He answered, "Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you." The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) then told him, "As for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right upon you. And your body has a right upon you. So pray and sleep and fast and break your fast."

(5) Having the right to "privacy": Note the following hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him): "Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind then, covers themselves and conceal themselves by Allah's concealing." They said, "Yes." He then said, "Then he sits after that 182

[with others] and he says, 'I did this and that.'" They were silent. He then turned to the women and said, "Do you any of you talk about such things?" They were also silent. Then a young girl came walking on her toes so the Prophet (peace be upon him) could see her and hear her and she said, "O Messenger of Allah, they [the men] certainly talk about it and they [the women] also talk about it." He said, "Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on."288

(6) The right to being taught or learning her religion.

On the other hand, the rights of the husband or the responsibilities of the women include:

(1) Being the head of the household: Allah has said, "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means" (4:34). Although this is usually stated as a right of the husband, it is actually a heavy responsibility on his shoulders, as it means that he has the responsibility to guide his family and keep them along the straight path.

(2) Having the right to be obeyed: This goes with the first right. A person cannot be the head of something if he has no authority.

(3) Having his wife answer his call to meet his sexual needs: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses to come, the angels curse her until the morning."289

(4) That the wife will not allow anyone in his house except by his permission: In a hadith recorded in al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "Do not allow anyone into his house except by permission."

288 Recorded by Abu Dawud. According to al-Albani, it is sahih. See al-Albani, Sahih al-Jaami, hadith #7037. 289 Recorded by al-Bukhari. 183

If the husband and wife enter into the marriage with the right intention of pleasing Allah and pleasing each other, recognizing their roles and responsibilities in the marriage and treating each other with proper Islamic behavior, Allah willing, their union will be a blessed union that will stretch from this life into the Hereafter.

Having said what was just said about marriage, Islam, though, is also a practical religion. It takes into consideration all possible common scenarios. It is possible for a man and woman to enter into a union with good intentions yet their personalities and likes simply do not coincide with one another. There are times in which a good marriage simply cannot be achieved and the spouses enter into a state of misery. Under such circumstances, Islamic law allows for an end to the marriage and their suffering.290 The goal is to either stay together in a friendly manner or to separate in a goodly manner. Thus, for example, Allah says, "And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis" (2:231). Allah also says, "Then when they are about to fulfill their term appointed [bringing an end to the divorce], either take them back in a good manner or part with them in a good manner" (65:2).

There are basically three ways in which a marriage is dissolved in Islamic Law. The first is talaaq, commonly translated as "divorce." This is a pronouncement of divorce made by the husband. After this pronouncement, the wife enters into a "waiting period" of approximately three months, during which time they may simply reunite as husband and wife. However, after the third pronouncement of talaaq, reunification during the waiting period is no longer permissible and the two must separate completely. A second form is known as khul'. This is where the wife is not satisfied in the marriage and offers something to the husband to release her from the marriage. For example, she may offer to return the dower in exchange to bringing an end to the marriage. A third form is where the rights of the wife are not being met by the husband and therefore she turns to a judge to bring an end to the marriage. 290 Unfortunately, in some Muslim cultures today, divorce has become so "shameful" they have neglected this important guidance of Islamic Law, leading to spouses suffering in silence. This is definitively not the goal of Islamic Law concerning such issues. 184

Obviously, divorce is not a desired goal or a light matter. In a perfect world, all married couples would be in bliss. However, there are times in which this option is the best for all parties concerned.

(4) A Muslim vis-à-vis His/Her Children

Having a child is both a great blessing and a great responsibility. Allah has said, "Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah-with Him is a great reward (Paradise)" (64:15). Allah also says, "O you who believe, guard yourselves and your families from the Hell-fire whose fuel is men and stones" (66:6). The meaning of this verse was reiterated by the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when he said, "All of you are shepherds and all of you will be asked about your wards... The man is responsible for his household and will be asked about his responsibilities. The wife will be asked about the house of her husband and her responsibilities."291

Muslim scholars consider that the rights of children appear long before they are even conceived via the selection of a pious and righteous spouse. This will be the first step in providing a good household and environment for the child.

Beyond that, the most important rights of the child include: (a) being maintained and provided for in a healthy manner; (b) being taught the tenets of the religion; (3) being treated with compassion and mercy; (4) being just among multiple siblings; and (5) having a good example set for them by their parents.

(5) A Muslim vis-à-vis His/Her Neighbors

Allah says in the Quran, "Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, the poor, the neighbor who is near of kin, the neighbor who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful" (4:36).

291 Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim. 185

Furthermore, the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good things or keep silent. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should be courteous and generous to his neighbor."292

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said, "Gabriel kept advising me concerning the neighbor to the point that I thought he would inherit [from his neighbor]."293

In another hadith, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "By Allah, he is not a believer. By Allah, he is not a believer. By Allah, he is not a believer." It was said to him, "Who is that, O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)?" He said, "The one from whose affairs his neighbor is not safe."294

One time the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked about a woman who performed lots of prayers, fasted and gave charity but she used to harm her neighbor by her speech. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that she is in the Hell-fire. Then the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked about a woman who did not fast, pray or give in charity much [more than what was obligatory upon her] but she would not harm her neighbors. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that she is in Paradise.295

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also demonstrated specific ways by which one is generous or courteous to his neighbor. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) once said to Abu Dharr, "O Abu Dharr, when you prepare stew, increase its water and deliver it to some of your neighbors."296

292 Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim. 293 Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim. 294 Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim. 295 This hadith was recorded by Ahmad, ibn Maajah and al-Haakim. Ali Hasan al-Halabi states that its chain is sahih. Ali Hasan Abdul Hameed, Huqooq al-Jaar fi sahih al-Sunnah wa al-Athaar (Amman, Jordan: al-Maktaba al-Islaamiya, 1993), p. 31. This hadith is some mes misused. Obviously, the second woman fulfilled her requirement of prayer, fasting and so forth but she did little voluntary deeds of that nature. There are people today who do not even perform the five daily prayers and they claim to be better than those who do pray just because they are good to their neighbors or others. What they claim for themselves cannot be concluded from this hadith. 296 Recorded by Muslim. 186