Marriage In Islam

M. arriage has been ordained by Allah (#) as the correct and legal way to produce children and replenish the earth. The family is the basic unit of an Islamic nation or society. Allah has made the desire for mates and offspring instinctual for mankind and animals. Life on earth continues through children and children are the products of marriage. Nevertheless, marriage in Islam can not be viewed merely as means for uniting the male body with a female body and producing offspring, nor was marriage instituted just for purposes of satisfying natural desires or quenching passions. Its goals are much deeper in meaning than those obvious physical realities. Allah, the Most High, illuminates this fact in Chapter ar-Room of the Qur’an:

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“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you might live in tranquility [li-taskunoo] with them and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]; Verily in that

22 Marriage in Islam

are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an 30: 21)

This tranquility (Sakan) is not simply what one may feel after satisfying sexual impulses but it is the serenity which follows a psychological need which has been fulfilled. Every individual is aware of having felt a lack or sense of loss within himself/herself which needed completion, a weakness which needed strengthening or loneliness which could only be removed by someone truly committed to him/her. The calm or emotional rest which one feels as a result of having fulfilled these needs can be termed tranquility (Sakan). Thus marriage in Islam is more than Just a means of obtaining legal sex; it is an extremely important institution which safeguards the rights of men, women, and children while satisfying the physical, emotional and intellectual needs of the family members. The Prophet (zs) illustrated the importance of marriage by saying,

“When a servant of Allah marries, he has completed half of his religious obligations and he must fear Allah in order to complete the second half.”

Marriage superior to transient relationships

Undoubtedly, marriages built on principles of love, honour, respect and mutual caring are far superior to temporary relationships with. a variety of partners. Such marriages stabilize society by protecting its primary unit, the family. What would eventually happen to a society which forgets sanctioned

' Collected by al-Bayhagi (James Robson, Mishkat al-Masabih, Eng. Trans.. Lahore: Sh. Muhammad Ashraf Publishers, 1975, vol. |. p. 660) and authenticated as iasan by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahih al-Jami’ as-Saghir, vol. 1, Pp. 136-7, hadith no. 430.

Polvgamy in Islam 23

relationships and allows base desires to rule. What of the women and children left in a dishonourable state without respect and support? Such a society would be lower than the society of animals which are at least governed by instincts which cause them to protect and provide for their young and their mates. Consequently, Islam has placed great stress on the divinely ordained institution of marriage in order to protect society. In fact, the Prophet (zz) branded those opposed to marriage as being heretics and said,

“Marriage is a part of my Sunnah (divinely guided way of life). Whoever is displeased with my Sunnah is not from among us.””

Since non-marital sex is forbidden in Islam, marriage protects individuals against immorality by providing outlets for natural urges as well as providing physical and emotional security for both partners.

Rights of marriage partners

Just as individual members of society are entitled to certain rights and are subsequently responsible for fulfilling certain obligations within society, family members are entitled to certain rights and obliged to fulfill certain obligations within the family structure. The Prophet (s:) outlined the general hierarchy of responsibility in society in the following statement narrated by Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) that the Prophet said,

? Reported by Anas and collected by Bukhari [Muhammad Muhsin Khan, Sahih al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng. Trans.), Riyadh: Maktabah ar-Riyadh alHadeethah, 1981, vol. 7, Pp. 1-2, hadith no. 1] and Muslim [*Abdul Hameed Siddeeqi, Sahih Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), Lahore: Sh. Muhammad Ashraf Publishers, 1987, vol. 2, Pp. 703-4, hadith no. 3236].

24 Marriage in Islam

“Verily, every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for his flock. The Amir is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a shepherd over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them. A woman is a guardian over her household and shall be questioned as to how she managed the household and brought up the children. A slave is guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Verily, every one of you is a shepherd and every one shall be questioned in regard to his flock.’

Thus marriage could be considered a partnership in which the principle parties have been assigned different but complementary roles consisting of rights and corresponding responsibilities. In order for family life to flow smoothly, each partner must fulfill his/her part of the partnership. Neither has the right to demand if their responsibilities are not fulfilled. Allah has given general guidelines concerning the role of each partner in the following Qur’anic statement:

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“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the former more than the latter and because they [the former] support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women

> Collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng.), vol. 3, p. 438, hadith no. 730 and Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 3, p. 1017, hadith no, 3396,

Polygamy in Islam 25

are devoutly obedient and guard in their husbands’ absence what Allah would have them guard...” (Qur’an 4: 34)

The Prophet (ss) further delineated the rights of men and women in a sermon during his farewell pilgrimage, saying,

“You have rights over women in that they are not allowed to let anyone you dislike into your home. If they disobey you, you may spank them (lightly). And, the woman’s right on you is that you should clothe her and feed her justly according to your means.’

So, we see that men have been made responsible for the protection and support of women because Allah has given them the necessary physical and mental capabilities to fulfill their role as protectors and maintainers of women, which in turn entitles them to be obeyed and their wealth and honour protected. Women, on the other hand, are responsible for guarding their husband’s wealth, the protection of his honour and for being obedient to their husbands which in turn entitles them to be maintained. And on another occasion, when he was asked about women’s rights over men he (¢) replied,

“That you feed her when you get food to eat, clothe her when you get clothing for yourself, do not hit her in her face, do not curse her and do not avoid her (for disciplinary purposes) except in bed.’?

* Narrated by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Bukhari and Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, Pp. 615-6, hadith no. 2803. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), Lahore: Sh. Muhammad Ashraf Publishers, 1975, vol. 1, p. 546.

> Reported by Mu‘awiyah al-Qushayri and collected by Abu Dawid [Ahmad Hasan, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), Lahore: Sh. Muhammad Ashraf Publishers, Ist. ed. 1984, vol. 2, p. 574, hadith no. 2137] and authenticated=

26 Marriage in Islam

This point, perhaps, needs further clarification due to the epidemic of wife-beating common in the West among nonMuslims which has been unconsciously carried into Islam by many new Muslims. The Prophet (s) on one occasion said,

“Do not beat your wives as you would your servant girls (in pre-Islamic times).”°

Thus the beating must obviously be light according to the law. The purpose of this beating is not to inflict pain but to bring the wife back to her senses and re-establish authority. Thus, face slaps, curses, lashings and other forms of physical abuse are strictly forbidden and opposed to the spirit and the letter of the divine law. The best method of discipline is that of the Prophet (sz), which was simply the avoidance of his wives in bed. ‘A’ishah (<4,) reported that,

“The Prophet once swore not to sleep with his wives for a month,’””

Of course, it should be noted that the obedience to husbands required of women is not blind obedience but complete obedience as long as the husbands’ instructions do not oppose the precepts of Islam. And, for the sake of harmony and good will, husbands are advised not to exercise their right of obedience harshly and dictatorially. However, a woman’s submission to her husband’s authority should be a part and parcel of her religious duties whose

=by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Abi Dawid, vol. 2, p. 402, hadith no. 1875. See also Mishkar al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.) vol. 1, p. 691.

° Reported by ‘Abdullah ibn Zam‘ah and collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng.), vol. 7, Pp. 100-1, hadith no. 132 and Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 4, p. 1485, hadith no. 6837. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 692.

7 Collected by Bukhari and Muslim. Muslim, (Eng Trans.), vol. 4, p. 1485, hadith no. 6837. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 689.

Polygamy in Islam 27

fulfillment will help her to get to Paradise. This point is amply illustrated in the following statements of the Prophet (x):

“If a woman says her prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her private parts and obeys her husband, she may enter Paradise by any door she likes.”

Umm Salamah (.%,) reported that Allah’s Messenger (sz) said,

“Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise.”

The fact that it is the responsibility of the man to maintain his wife and family does not mean that a woman may not help her husband in his professional pursuits or add to the economic stability of the family if the need arises or if they both agree for her to do so. By the same token, a man is also encouraged by the Prophet’s example to assist his wife in her household chores:

“His wives reported that he would often sew his torn clothes, repair his worn out shoes and milk his goats.’’!®

On numerous occasions the Prophet (sz) encouraged men to be kind, gentle and helpful to their wives because it is the nature of the strong to take advantage of the weak. For example, it is

reported that the Prophet (zz) said,

“The most perfect of the Believers in faith is the best of

* Reported by Anas and collected by Abu Nu‘aym in al-Hilvah, Mishkat alMasabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 691 and authenticated as hasan by Shaykh al-Albani in Mishkat al-Masabih, vol. 2, p. 971, hadith no. 3254, ftn. 1.

° Collected by Tirmidhi, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 691 and tated weak (Da if) by Shaykh al-Albani in Da ‘if al-Jami< as-Saghir, vol. 1, p. 263, hadith no. 2226.

'° Collected by Ahmad and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahth alJami‘ as-Saghir, vol, 2 p. 886, hadith no. 3827. See also Mishkat al-Masabih. (Eng. Trans., vol. 2, p. 1248).

28 Marriage in Islam

them in character and the best of you in character is he who is best to his family.” '!

On another occasion ‘A’ishah (.<,) reported that he (s) said:

“The best of you is he who is best to his family, and J am the best among you to my family,.”!*

He also instructed men concerning women in his farewell address given at the time of his last pilgrimage to Makkah:

“Fear Allah in dealing with your women because you have taken them in your trust by Allah’s permission and sex with them has been made lawful to you by (your mention) of Allah’s name in (your marriage ceremonies).”!?

Both partners in marriage should treat one another in a kind fashion in order to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in the home. The husband need not exercise his authority in rough or arrogant way which might encourage the wife to react by being intentionally disobedient. The Prophet (sz) said,

“Whoever believes in Allah and the last day should not hurt his neighbour and should admonish women in a good way for they have been created from a rib and the most crooked part of a rib is its upper part. If you try to force it straight, it will break; if you leave it alone, it

'' Reported by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Ahmad and Tirmidhi, and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Al-Tirmidhi, vol. 1, p. 340, hadith no. 928.

"= Collected by Tirmidhi and ad-Darimi, and by Ibn Majah from Ibn ‘Abbas, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1 p. 691, and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albaniin Sahth Sunan Al-Tirmidhi, vol. 3, p. 245, hadith no. 3057.

'3 Collected by Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, Pp. 615-6, hadith no. 2083. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 546.

Polygamy in Islam 29

will remain crooked. So give advice to women accordingly.” '*

That is, due to a woman’s fragile emotional make-up which is ideally suited for child rearing but generally unsuited for ultimate authority, she may wrongly disobey or contradict her husband. Under the influence of her monthly cycles, she may be contrary or highstrung and thus make bad decisions or unreasonable statements. This is a fact of life which men must allow for and deal with gracefully and not harshly. Regarding the aspect of harmony in married life, Allah (&¢) has said,

PAIS oe oA By C4 slid by gu) 163) oo aad Gaytsles ... oo *... Live with them [women] in equity...” (Qur’an 4: 19)

It is important for man and woman to live together in friendship and harmony, bearing the misfortunes or calamities which might befall one or the other or the family as a whole. It goes without saying that a woman should happily and peacefully fulfill her obligations to her husband, keeping in her mind the fact that she is basically an equal partner sharing rights and obligations with her man. Allah (4g) expressed this fact as follows:

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“... And women have rights corresponding to the obligations on them, according to what is equitable ” (Qur’an 2: 228)

'* Narrated by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng. Trans.), vol. 7, p. 81, hadith no. 114 and Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, Pp. 752-3, hadith no. 3468.

30 Marriage in Islam

The greater responsibility of males

In spite of the fact that both parties should be kind toward each other, the right of the husband over his wife is greater than his wife’s right over him according to the completion of the previous verse:

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*... But men have a degree over them. And Allah is exalted in power.” (Qur’an 2: 228)

Emotional make-up which is ideally suited for child rearing but generally unsuited for ultimate authority, she may wrongly disobey or contradict her husband. Under the influence of her monthly cycles, she may be contrary or highstrung and thus make bad decisions or and among mankind. He has made man the dominant member of the pair. There need be no contention on this point as Allah has had the last word on the subject. However, if we look at the animal kingdom, we must confess that a like division also exists among its members. Nor are we aware of any country whether primitive or modern which has more than one reigning head in a position to make ultimate decisions. Every Kingdom has a chief and Allah in His All-Encompassing wisdom and absolute knowledge of human nature has chosen man for that role. This choice does not detract from the uniqueness of the woman’s role nor does it belittle her in the least. We are well aware of the fact that some women are more intelligent, are more capa ble of ruling and have a greater degree of talent than some men. We are witnesses to female heads of state, but these cases represent exceptions and not the norm which Allah addresses. In fact, there is an authentic Hadith in which the Prophet (x) stated that,

Pol-gamy in Islam 3]

“If mankind had been ordered to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, women would have been ordered to prostrate before their husbands.”’!*

This is clear indication of the hierarchy which exists in respect to the roles of males and females and the importance of that hierarchy to the basic unit of human society, the family. In order to reinforce these roles, Allah made the male inheritance portion greater than that of the female. There is no doubt that a man’s familial and communal obligations are greater than most woman’s obligations in these spheres. It is his duty to support his immediate family and weak kinfolk. In addition to these familial responsibilities, men must be prepared to defend and enlarge the borders of Islam even to the point of bearing arms. Women, under normal circumstances, are exempted from these and other similar obligations. The existing situation in the West, where many women have been obliged to compete with men for work while raising families, is an exception when looked at on a global scale and an aberration when looked at historically. Hence today’s situation can not be used to argue that a woman’s obligations are equal and exceed those of a man’s. In fact recent scientific research has uncovered a wealth of physical differences between men and women all of which affect the performance of males and females in society.’®

'S Narrated by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Tirmidhi, Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 574, hadith no. 2135, and Ibn Majah and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Al-Tirmidhi, vol. 1, p. 340, hadith no. 926. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. |, p. 691.

"© Jo Durden-Smith and Diane De Simone, “Is There a Superior Sex”’ Readers Digest, 1982.

’

32 Marriage in Islam

The wife’s duties

The Prophet (gs) has instructed women concerning their duties toward their husbands. In Islam it is not permissible for women to fast in their husbands’ presence without seeking permission for the fast.'’ Nor is it permissible for her to allow anyone in his house without his permission or to spend his money or use his wealth without his consent. If a wife appropriates his money, she must return half of the money to him.'* A husband also has the right to order his wife to fulfill her religious dutics like bathing after childbirth (after she has stopped bleeding), after menstruation and after intercourse, as prayer is an obligatory duty upon her and prayer is not possible without purity. In addition to ordering her in regard to her religious duties, he can compel her in respect to his right to sex. The Prophet (zs) forbade women from refusing to have sex with their husbands. It has been narrated that the Prophet (#) said,

“If a woman refuses her husband’s bed and he passes the night in anger, the angels curse her until morning.”!” Talg ibn “Ali (2%) reported that Allah’s Messenger (sz) said,

“When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven.””°

'? This refers to voluntary fasts only.

'8 Collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng.), vol. 7, p. 94, hadith no. 123.

'° Narrated by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2. p. 732, hadith no. 3368 and Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 574, hadith no. 2136. Sce also Mishkat al-Masabih, (English Trans.), vol. 1, p. 689.

2° Collected by Tirmidhi, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 340 and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Al-Tirmidhi, vol. 1, p. 340, hadith no. 927.

Polygamy in klam 33

This is of course in reference to a woman who unjustly refuses her husband sex in order to control him or make him do certain things for her which are not duties. Such actions upset the natural balance of marriage and put the man who refuses her sexual blackmail under unnecessary emotional pressure which destroys the concept of sakan (emotional rest), a fundamental principle of marriage, as was previously pointed out. Naturally, a woman deprived of her rights and left with no other option is not included in the meaning of this Hadith. Additionally, a woman is not permitted to leave her husband’s house in order to visit her relatives or friends without his permission, because obedience to one’s husband is obligatory while visiting relatives and neighbours is not obligatory, but recommended; and it is not permitted in Islamic law to leave that which is obligatory for that which is recommended.*' However it must be noted that man has been ordered to live with his wives on a footing of kindness and equity and it would not be equitable to forbid her from seeing her parents, relatives and close friends without a valid reason. On the other hand, women can not be restricted from going to the ‘Eid prayers, since Allah has ordered them to do so. Nor can they be prohibited from going to the mosque even though it is not an obligation on them to do so. Nevertheless, it has been narrated that,

“A woman’s prayer within the confines of her house is better.””*

*! Muhammad ibn Qudamah, a/-Mughni, (Egypt: Matba‘ah al-Qahirah, 1968) vol. 7, p. 21.

2? Narrated by Ibn ‘Umar and collected by Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 149, hadith no. 567 and authenticated by Shaykh alAlbani in Sahih Sunan Abi Dawid, vol. 1, p. 113, hadith no. 530. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (English Trans.), vol. 1, p. 218.

34 Marriage in Islam

However, as was mentioned earlicr, women must regard obedience to their husbands as a religious duty whose execution will help the former in this life and the next, as the Prophet (: said,

“If a woman says her prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her private parts and obeys her husband, she may enter Paradise by any door she likes.”7?

The Prophet (¢¢) was once asked,

“Who is the best among women?” He replied, “She who pleases her husband when he looks at her, obeys him when he bids her and who does not oppose him regarding herself and her riches, fearing his displeasure.””*

For this reason, women are encouraged to greet their husbands pleasantly and to take care of their personal appearances so that they remain appealing to their husbands. No woman should present herself to her husband with unkempt hair and slovenly appearance. She should generally try to be as neat and clean as circumstances will allow. She should do whatever her husband asks her to do as long as he does not ask her to do something unlawful. She should not refuse to sleep with him when he wants her to, and if he is in need of financial or material help, she should aid him willingly if she is in a position to do so.

°3 Narrated by Anas and collected by Abu Nu‘aym in al-Hilyah, Mishkat alMasabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 691 and authenticated as hasan by Shaykh al-Albani in Mishkat al-Masabeeh, vol. 2, Pp. 971-2, hadith no. 3254, ftn. I. 4 Reported by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Nasa’i and al-Bayhagi in Shu'ab al-Eeman, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng Trans.), vol. 1, p. 694 and authenticated as hasan by Shaykh al-Albani in Mishkar al-Masabih, vol. 2, p. 972, hadith no. 3272, ftn. 1.

Polvgamy in Islam 35

This does not mean that in order to be considered a good wife, one must turn over one’s earnings or give one’s husband money to buy luxuries like a new Cadillac. Rather, a wife should be ready to help her husband if she is able to do so in case of an emergency or other legitimate needs. Such a woman who tries her utmost to please her husband will, in most cases, find that he will go out of his way to try and please her. Consequently, their marriage will be one of happiness and pleasure.

bia BEY, Sis of 2 Le & AsSIp See Ge CCE St OS ST aE Sal (VAN 2 SB By) SQA 2 Se il

“Lodge them where vou are lodging, according to your means and do not harm them to make [life] difficult for them... Let the man of plenty expend out Of his plenty. As for him whose provision is limited, let him expend out of what Allah has given him. Allah burdens no one beyond his means. After difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief.” (Qur’an 65: 6-7)

Obedience to husbands

However, this right of women obliges them to be obedient and to try and make their husbands’ homes comfortable and pleasant so that life together is peaceful and harmonious. For this reason, a husband need not support a wife who disobeys him in respect to sex, his privacy and his honour, by refusing to have sex with him, exposing his private affairs and acting dishonourably. Leaving his home as an act of defiance would also be considered

36 Marriage in Islam

disobedience and her right to support would automatically be dropped. On the other hand, if a husband refuses to provide for or protect his wife without legitimate reasons, she should first try to reason with him and obtain her rights. If he does not come around, then arbitrators should be called upon to help. If arbitration is ineffective, then the wife can go to court for redress or sue for divorce. However, if non-support is based upon reasons beyond the husband’s control such as the husband’s incarceration, physical disability or poverty, a wife has the choice of bearing the burden with him cheerfully or seeking her freedom. A wife who is wealthy in her own right may forego her right to maintenance altogether and secure the type of food, housing or clothing which she desires for herself. This right may be given up from the beginning of their marriage or at any point during it; however, it is hot permanent. At any time that she becomes unable or unwilling to maintain herself, the husband must shoulder the responsibility which Allah has placed squarely upon his shoulders.

The fact that marriage is considered a joint contract in Islam can be illustrated in a number of instances. For example, a man may not practice coitus interruptus (external ejaculation during sex), ‘Az/, without his wife’s permission or consent.”> That is, he is not allowed to deny her complete gratification or offspring without her consent. Likewise, if a woman demands her conjugal rights, then the husband should satisfy her physical needs although there is no sin on him if he does not do so. But as marriage is a means of purification and protection for both parties, it is recommended that he meet her needs in the same way that she is required to respond to his needs. No one can deny that the

°5 Tbn ‘Abbas is reported to have said that permission should be taken from the free woman before doing ‘4z/ (al-Husayn ibn Mas‘id al-Baghawi, Sharh as-Sunnah, Beirut: al-Maktab al-Islami, 1973, vol. 9, p. 104).

Polygamy in Islam 37

concept of consideration is integral to the functioning of a Muslim family, although it may appear that the majority of the weight is placed upon the woman when one considers that she must obey her husband in all things lawful. However, she need not follow him into evil. Ifa husband wants his wife to do something which is against Allah’s law, she should not obey him. Yet, a wife must obey her husband in all categories which fall under his right, such as not receiving male company without his consent, not disposing of his wealth and possessions without his consent, not leaving the house without his permission and living where he wants her to live.

On the other hand, a man is required to provide for his family. If a man has enough money to provide for his family and still refuses to do so, Islamic law allows a woman to take some of his money without his permission and knowledge. ‘A’ishah (<4,) narrated that Hind bint ‘Utbah (wife of Abu Sufyan) came to the Prophet (az) and said,

“O’ Messenger of Allah, verily, Abu Sufyan is a very stingy man. He does not give me and my son enough to live on except what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Am I wrong for doing that?” The Prophet (gz) said, “Take from his wealth what is necessary to provide for yourself and your son.”°°

Thus a man must be able and willing to meet the basic and essential needs of a family, otherwise, he should not enter into marriage. And, once he is able and marries he must give his family enough to cover their basic needs or else the state may step in and order him to do so.

26 Collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng. Trans.), vol. 7, p. 208, hadith no. 272 and Muslim. See also Mishkat al-Masa@bih, (English Trans.), vol. 1, p. 714.

38 Marriage in Islam

Work is the usual avenue by which men find means to take care of their families. For this reason, men may be obliged to spend many hours outside the home. Providing for and protecting the family may be the major duty for most men; nonetheless, men are also faced with the responsibility of ordering and organizing society in an Islamic fashion suitable to the prevailing circumstances. A man may not merely be the bread winner for his family, he may also be mayor of a city, a judge of a district, an officer in the army or hold any number of other positions. He may have commitments which make similar demands or perhaps greater demands upon his person and time than his family does. Consequently, man, protector of the nation, tribe, community and family, spends much of his time and energy in those or related pursuits. A happy marriage enables a man to go about his work with consistent purpose. It is the husband’s responsibility to provide for, defend and be considerate toward his wife and family. A woman, on the other hand, is not obligated to leave her home in search of work. Nor does she have to share her home with anyone not in her immediate household (children, husband) if she does not care to do so. She is entitled to rule within her private domain. However, if a wife desire to pursue goals outside of the home for personal development or economic necessity, there is no blame on her if she does so with her husband’s consent and approval. And, if a wife is overburdened with the weighty responsibility of managing the household, then the husband should help her in any way which suits their needs and situation.

A woman’s primary responsibility in marriage is attendance to the needs of her husband. It is incumbent on her to make the marriage as happy as possible. Her major concern other than her children should be the happiness, comfort and welfare of her spouse. She should try to be honest, faithful, trustworthy, patient

Polvgamy in Islam 39

and devoutly obedient. Indeed, she might consider her duty to her husband as one of the roads to Paradise, as the fulfillment of the marriage bond is half of religion.*’ Therefore, marriage should not be treated as one of life’s sidelines but should be given the importance and attention that is due it. Accordingly, Islam views marriage as a bond which reflects Allah’s mercy to us. He, in His infinite Beneficence granted us mates from among ourselves to whom and from whom we give and take pleasure and support. Each husband and wife are gifts one unto the other and clearly it is part of marriage to be thankful for Allah’s blessings to us and cherish His favours by cherishing our mates.

Equality between males and females is not the necessary basis of marital harmony, as is claimed today in the West. Instead, we as Muslims must address the need to understand the different but complementary roles that Allah (4g) has ordained for men and women in this world. It is necessary only to look at our physical bodies to realize that Allah intended men and women for entirely different functions. Every month witnesses the female physiological structure prepare for the process of conception which could culminate in childbirth. Generally speaking, man’s capacity for hard physical labour is greater than that of woman. The different but parallel roles can also be clearly seen in the basic need that man has for woman and woman has for man. However, on the spiritual plane, there is no difference between the nature of man and the nature of woman.

Allah () states in the Qur’an:

7 Reported by Anas and collected by al-Bayhaqi in Shu‘ab al-Eeman, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 660 and authenticated as hasan by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahth al-Jami’ as-Saghir, vol. 1, Pp. 136-7, hadith no. 430.

40 Marriage in Islam

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“So their Lord accepted their prayer, saying, ‘I will not allow the work of any of you whether males or females to be lost.’ You proceed one from another...”

(Qur’an 3: 195)

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“For whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has faith, We will give a new life that is good and pure. We will bestow on such people their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Qur’an 16: 97)

In order to live an Islamic life, we have to be willing to completely submit to the injunctions ordained by Allah. Allah knows what is best for us, and He would not command us to other than good. He has given women authority over their husbands’ households and fitted their nature to the task. He has also instructed women not to follow un-Islamic life-styles and customs. He said to the wives of the Prophet (2):

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Polygamy in Islam 4]

“ .. You are not like other women: If you fear Allah, do not be too pleasant in your speech [with men], in case one with a diseased heart should be moved with desire; but speak a straight forward way. And stay quietly in your homes and do not put yourselves on display, as was done in the times of ignorance. And make regular pravers; give regular charity and obey Allah and His apostle...” (Qur’an 33: 32-33)

Muslim women not like non-believing women

Muslim women are not like non-believing women and should act as Islamic models for all who may see. Women are not restricted from moving about the community, working or visiting if they are properly covered and, if necessary, escorted, but a woman’s base should be her home. This general instruction applies until the last day and Islam cannot be manipulated to suit individual whims or desires: It is here for us to submit to.

Section Three