Conclusion

vf is understood by all sane and reasonable people that due to the obligations involved in plural marriages, a man should ascertain whether or not he can support another wife before marrying again. If a man is experiencing difficulty meeting the basic socio-economic requirements necessary for one wife and family, he should not further strain his financial and emotional abilities by marrying another, unless she is a self-supporting or wealthy woman who is ready to join her fortune to his. There is no blame on either party if such an arrangement is mutually agreed upon, as the Prophet’s first wife, Khadeejah (s%,), aided him in this way. Such an arrangement need not necessarily be a permanent one because the woman’s right to support cannot be cancelled and can be demanded at any time. However, such a reversal should not take place at the whim of the wife but for valid reasons, nor should it be used as a threat to make the husband comply with any unreasonable demands on her part. Nonetheless, a husband still has to be in a fairly stable economic position in case his self-supporting second or third wife decides to stop working or becomes unable to do so due to pregnancy or illness etc. The allowance of self-supporting second or third wives does not justify the phenomenon of welfare-based marriages which

388 Conclusion

have become prevalent in North America. Certainly, a woman receiving a monthly subsistence cheque from the American government can not be considered self-supporting. Quite the contrary, she is probably in need of all the help and support that she can get as she is likely living on an income designed to barely feed her children and pay rent for substandard housing. The receipt of welfare cheques by married women, especially in the case of plural marriages, involves lies and deceit, which are among the most despicable traits that a Muslim may posses. Any man who marries a woman in order to control her welfare cheque is without doubt a base and vile creature who should be ashamed to eat the food which belongs to her helpless children.

A man without a legitimate source of income should not marry according to Islamic law until he has the means to provide for a family. Allah (2) has emphasized that fact in the Qur’an as follows:

a7 ou rth Se 213 zee via Se ee aed edad a il me er EE Ge ¥ yall Gals

we

PASS CTY sy sti by ge) @ (Cr)...

“Let those who can not find the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste until Allah gives them the means out of his grace...” (Qur’an 24: 33)

Ibn Mas‘td (.#,) also reports that the Prophet (3) said,

“O° gathering of young men! Whoever among you has the means and ability to get married should do so, and he who is unable should fast, for verily it is a guard for him.”!

' Collected by Al-Bukhari. (Arabic-Eng. Trans.), vol. 7, p. 4, hadith no. 4, Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 703, hadith no. 3233 and Abu Dawtd,=

Polygamy in Islam 89

If he is unable to fast regularly, he should then work that much harder to obtain enough money for marriage, as Allah () has stated in the Qur’an:

BX re OG a OE

“There is nothing for man but what he strives for. (Qur’an 53: 39)

A man has to use his natural abilities and seek employment, however, menial it may seem, as the Prophet (2) said,

“The best way of earning a livelihood is by one’s own hands for even Prophet Dawid eared a living with his own hands.”””

The Prophet Muhammad (#2) never avoided hard work and he praised those who did likewise. He worked lifting earth and breaking boulders during Ghazwah al-Ahza@b (the Battle of the Clans) when a huge trench was dug by the Muslims to defend the city of Madinah. He did not like people to depend upon charity when other means of existence were possible. It is reported that,

“Once an unemployed Ansar (resident of Madinah) came and asked the Prophet for some charity. The Prophet asked him if he had any property. He replied that he only had a blanket with which to cover his body and a cup to drink from. The Prophet asked him to bring these things. When he brought them, the Prophet took them and auctioned them off among the people. One of those

=Sunan Abi Dawiid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 544, hadith no. 2041. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 658.

? Collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng. Trans.), vol. 3, Pp. 162-3, hadith no. 286). See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 592.

90 Conclusion

present offered one dirham and the Prophet requested that he raise the bid. Another man offered two dirhams and the items were sold to him. The Prophet then gave the two dirhams to the man and advised him to purchase an axe with one dirham. When he had bought an axe, the Prophet fixed the handle with his own hands and gave it to the man and told him, ‘Go to the woods, cut wood (and sell it) and do not come back to see me before fifteen days.’ When the man returned, the Prophet asked about his situation. The man replied that he had earned twelve dirhams during that period and had purchased some cloth and grain. The Prophet remarked, ‘That is much better than begging and disgracing yourself on the Day of Judgement.’’”?

Abu Hurayrah (.3,) also reported that the Prophet (#2) said,

“If one of you were to take a rope and bring a bundle of firewood on his back then sell it (to earn his living), it would be better for him than begging from others.’”’*

To further discourage unwanted begging the Prophet (<:) forbade it except on three occasions. Qubaysah ibn Mukhariq alHilali reported that the Prophet (#:) said that begging is only allowed in one of the following cases: a man who takes on someone else’s responsibility is allowed to beg until he raises the

* Collected by Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 430-1, hadith no. 1637, Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1. Pp. 391-2, and rated weak (Da if) by Shakh al-Albani in Mishkat alMasabih, vol. 1, Pp. 579-80, hadith no. 1851, fin. 1.

* Collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng. Trans.), vol. 3, p. 163, hadith nos. 288 & 289, Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, Pp. 497-8, hadith no. 2267 and Malik, Muwaita Imam Malik, p. 427, hadith no. 1823. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (English Trans.), vol. 1, p. 390.

Polvgamy in Islam 91

cost; one whose wealth is lost in a calamity may beg until he has regained his footing; one who is poverty-stricken is allowed to beg until he re-establishes himself if three intelligent people from his tribe bear witness that he was poverty stricken. The Prophet (ge) said,

“Begging under other than these three conditions, O° Qubaysah, is haram and the devouring of haram.’””

As for those who insist on begging, Ibn ‘Umar reported that the Prophet (#) warned,

“A man will continue to beg people for their money until he comes (before Allah) on the Day of Judgement without a single piece of flesh remaining on his face.’

Welfare is an institutionalized form of begging which is haram for any self-respecting practicing Muslim male able to support himself, much less one involved in plural marriage.

Muslims of North America can not achieve the momentous task which awaits them by paying lip service to the Sunnah [way of the Prophet (#)] by over emphasizing outward things like eastern dress while neglecting principles of work. Clinging to welfare is not going to establish an Islamic community capable of making Islam in America more than just a transient phenomenon. Those who collect welfare and refuse to work because they claim they can not work for the K@firs (non-believers) in fact consider

> Collected by Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 498, hadith no. 2271, Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 430, hadith no. 1636 and Ibn Khuzaymah, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 289.

® Collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic-Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 321. hadith ro, 553, and Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 479, hadith no. 2265. See also Vishkar al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 387.

92 Conclusion

themselves better than the Prophet’s Companions who worked for non-believers in both Makkah and Madinah. The claim that the non-believing employers do not allow time for Sa/ah (prayers) is invalid as certain Salah ’s may be joined in cases of necessity, or jobs should be sought (whether less lucrative or not) which allow people to make their Salahs. The great success of incarcerated Muslims in being allowed to practise Islam in prisons clearly shows what fruit sincere intentions and striving can produce with Allah’s mercy.

The basic building block of Islamic communities in America or elsewhere is the stable family unit which in itself is made up of family members united by marital bonds. Depending on the circumstances, the bonds will take both monogamous and polygynous forms; however, great care must be taken to avoid the western marriage-divorce syndrome as well as the distorted form of polygyny which has appeared among the decadent societies of the East. As has been mentioned previously, polygyny carries certain conditions, and the distortion of the practice which was instituted to balance society is not only harmful to the women involved but also to the image of Islam itself. A man must be able to meet the economic, emotional and spiritual requirements of plural marriage in Islam so that the societal balance remains intact, rather than create new problems which have to be solved.

It must be emphasized that western women who have not grown up in a society which condones polygyny should open their eyes and carefully consider what they might be getting themselves into before entering into such relationships. First, the woman should question herself concerning her expectations from marriage and decide whether or not she foresees obtaining these things by marrying someone who is already married. If she is marrying as a second wife, she must consider the real possibility

Polvgamy in Islam 93

of her husband contracting a third or possibly a fourth marriage and decide whether she wants to or is able to deal with this sort of arrangement or not. The western woman entering plural marriages should thoroughly explore the concept of sharing love, wealth, time and hardships with other women — namely her husband’s wives. She must honestly realize that her husband is not hers alone and will never be hers alone. Consequently, she will have to rise above the natural human desire to possess him by herself in view of the fact that he will not be at her back and call. On the contrary, she may only see him as little as once, twice or thrice per week.

On the other hand, the male who proposes to have more than one wife will have to develop the ability to divide his time and personality in such a way that the frustration level within his relationship with any one or all of his wives does not rise beyond tolerable levels. He should carefully and sincerely adhere to the Qur’anic injunctions and the way established by the Prophet (=<) in order to lessen doubt, suspicion or ill-feeling on the part of his wives. If it so happens that a man finds that he is unable to deal justly with one or more of his wives, he should make a decided effort not to turn away from her altogether. And, if even that becomes impossible, he should grant her freedom in the most humane manner possible. A man desiring to have more than one wife or desiring to add to his existing wives should question himself as to his ability to take care of the emotional, financial, spiritual and sexual needs of women involved in addition to meeting the needs of whatever children might be had. He should then appraise his present relationship(s) and decide whether or not the strain of adding another woman or another family can actually be borne. If the answers to his questions are negative, then he should try to use some self-restraint and refrain from re-marrying no matter how attractive the opportunity might appear. Islam is a

94 Conclusion

religion of discipline, restraint and reason. Muslims discipline themselves by fasting, giving in charity and enduring the limitations and restrictions of Hajj; therefore, reasoned restraint in this instance would only serve to further develop his character. However, should the answers to his questions be in the affirmative, then he should sincerely ask Allah for guidance and deal as effectively as he is able to.

Although it is not necessary for a Muslim man to obtain the consent of his first wife before marrying another wife, he should, at least, prepare her so that she can gather her emotional reserve and strength before the event actually takes place. He should seek to reassure her of his caring for her and follow the Islamic guidelines as set forth in the Qur’an and Sunnah concerning the relationship of males and females who are not married to one another and who are within the degrees of marriage. He should not pursue his second or third wife in the fashion that men in the West pursue girlfriends and mistresses. He should treat his first or existing wives with respect and not allow her/them to hear the news of his impending marriage from neighbours, friends or the intended wife herself before hearing it from him. He should not flaunt his excitement or pleasure of anticipation in front of the wife or wives to whom he is already married but should behave with decorum and show his love and respect for her/them by considering her/their feelings. Just as Allah has created man with a natural propensity toward wanting more than one woman, he has also created jealousy in the woman. This jealousy is a protective device for the family. Women are naturally protective and try to protect their territory (i-e., husband and children) and can not abide the thought of another woman encroaching upon this territory. If women were not innately jealous then there would be no problem involved in a man taking another wife. If this idea

Polygamy in Islam 95

were acceptable to women in general then there would be no problem and men could satisfy their desire without concerning themselves with anyone else’s feelings. But men can not do that because concern for their wives’ feelings and fear of their wives’ reprisals stop men from going overboard in their desires. And, as complete indulgence would only prevent a man from fulfilling his responsibilities to any one person or family, checks are needed to curb his general desire to be with any attractive female he sees and one of the greatest checks is the jealousy that would be experienced by his wife.

A man ought to be considerate of his first wife because through marriage to her he has satisfied one of the most basic human needs. And, although the desire behind marrying another wife is similar to the desires which led to marrying the first one, there is one major difference. That difference lies in the fact that it was necessary to marry the first in order to fulfill those desires and once these needs have been satisfied they are no longer necessities. Of course nothing can change the fact that Allah, the Most High and All-Great, gave man the right to avail himself of more than one wife — whether it is essential or not. However, discretion should be used in the choice of any additional wife / wives. This is especially true ifa man wants all of his wives to be friends, or to live together. In order to facilitate friendship, the husband should choose wives of compatible personality types, similar backgrounds, or his choices should include women with similar goals so that there are no major conflicts concerning direction-taking.

Some people seem to feel that polygyny should be banned because of the apparently high incidence of failures, especially in the West. But this is a very irrational conclusion as the incidence

96 Conclusion

of failure in monogamous relationships is as great or greater but no one would think of banning marriage altogether. Human beings are tested in various ways in the different departments of life to see who is best in regards to deeds. Polygyny is a marriage form in Islam which tests all the marriage partners and forces them to give more thought to communal feelings, needs, and expectations than may be necessary in monogamous marriage. The test lies in any one person’s ability to be charitable, cooperative and patient in the face of jealousy and instances of apparent injustice. Any man who chooses to have more than one wife will have to try to be on top of the situation by anticipating problems which might arise as he integrates each family member into the family unit. Success in this test could teach each family member how to succeed in the larger units of community; state and nation.