Ta’Ad-Dud: Polygyny

As one glances across the history of Islam, one can not help but notice the deep impressions made by faithful believing women who comforted, trusted, endured poverty and hardship, nursed and even fought in battles beside their men — women who willingly hid their charms because of Allah’s command and strove to show Islam to all nations — women who were not overly influenced by the lure of the material world and who excelled within the Islamic bounds set for women.

Yet, today there are those who ask what type of woman would marry a man who is already married, without considering the fact that they need go no further than the wives of our Prophet (z<) and other eminent Companions to find the answer. Of course the standard reply is that those were different times. Perhaps they are unaware that Allah’s laws as contained in the final dispensation, Islam, are not bound by considerations of time or place, but stand applicable whenever circumstances permit. No Muslim can deny that Allah has sent His last revelation, His last Prophet (zg) and His last Divine law and declared that He will not accept anything other than Islam as religion.

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44 Ta‘ad-dud: Polygyny

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“And whoever seeks other than Islam as his religion will not have it accepted...” (Qur’an 3: 85)

Legality of polygyny

Allah (8) has already instructed Muslims in no uncertain terms not to make unlawful that which He has made lawful. Thus, it is not fitting that those who choose to follow the Prophet’s Sunnah be condemned for availing themselves of an option given to them by Allah. Polygyny is not a decadent or indecent relationship but a valid part of the marriage system of Islam. Allah (48) has said:

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*... Marry of the women that please you: two, three or four. But if you feel that you shall not be able to deal justly, then only one or what your right hand possesses. That would be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.” (Qur’an 4: 3)

Polygamy in Islam 45

One must note that man is first told to marry two, three or four women, then he is advised to marry only one if he can not deal justly with more than one. This does not mean that Islam encourages all men to marry at least two women, but that such an option is undoubtedly permissible for those who can fulfill its conditions. The verse also sets the upper limit of four in a society in which an unlimited amount of simultaneous marriages were allowed. Thus a man must be able and willing to divide his time and wealth in an equitable fashion before he is allowed to have more than one wife. Conversely, if he is unable to feed, clothe and house all his wives justly, then, according to this Qur’anic command, he should not marry more than one. The point is that the permissibility of polygyny has been exemplified in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (+) who was allowed by Allah to marry nine women during the same time period. It is true that many of the marriages were for socio-political purposes like encouraging the marriage of widows, breaking certain taboos and linking clans; however, the Prophet (sz) still married those who pleased him and turned down those who did not.

Nevertheless, many Muslims today find the subject of polygyny distasteful and insist on considering plural marriage demeaning to women. This is primarily because the roles of men and women in western society, at least, have become severely distorted. Women openly compete with men for the same jobs; men sue their wives for support payments; women’s clothing styles include suits and ties; men’s clothing styles include bracelets, necklaces, ear rings and long hair. and both sexes wear interchangeable clothing under the title of “unisex”. The female has lost her natural position of protection in western society and is thus obliged to fight for equality with the male. Under such circumstances, it is not surprising to find western women and their

46 Ta ‘ad-dud: Polygyny

eastern counterparts vehemently opposed to polygyny. Very few women in liberated western society consider obedience to their men a necessity for smooth married life. In fact, obedience to one’s husband is not even considered a positive characteristic worthy of development in a woman. Even fewer modern women are willing to admit that differences exist between men and women; that God made allowances for man’s role as leader, provider and protector. Western women deny these things in spite of the fact that the same differences are communicated in insidious ways in western society, itself. Women are sexually harassed when at work and are often forced to prostitute themselves in order to keep their positions or in order to get an advance; men outnumber women in positions of power (there has yet to be a female president of the United States) and most of the lower paid menial occupations which involve service (waitresses, cashiers, etc.) continue to be filled by women in spite of new roles which women are said to be assuming in the West. However, Islam teaches us that Allah created everything in pairs, the male and the female, and assigned for them roles accordingly. Allah tells us in the Qur’an:

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“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the absence [of their men] what Allah would have them guard [of their chastity

Polvgamy in Islam 47

and honour]...” (Qur’an 4: 34)

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mates from among yourselves. And He has put love and mercy between you that you may live in tranquility with them. Verily, in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an 30: 21)

Islam has defined the male role as that of provider and protector; whereas, the female has been given a supportive and dependant role which naturally involves a certain amount of submission and obedience to the male. The outlook of Islam towards the roles of males and females is thus in complete contrast to that of twentieth century western society. The position of women in the West today may appear progressive from the standpoint of voting rights, property rights and educational opportunities, but from the standpoint of the family their position has degenerated alarmingly. The expulsion of women from their natural roles within the family is part of the symptoms of a declining culture. The fact that western culture and society is dying has been proclaimed on the covers of Newsweek and Time magazines. The incidence of illegitimate birth has risen rapidly in the West during the last few years and teenage pregnancies have become a norm. Stories of wife swapping, child abuse and various sexual diseases like herpes and A.JILD.S linked to sexual promiscuity should lead any sane person to question the sexual mores of western society and the problems of enforced monogamy.

48 Ta‘ad-dud: Polygyny

Women outnumber men

Women outnumber men at birth and live longer than men do. American women today can expect to live to be 77.9 years old and men can expect to live to age 70.3 according to the Center for Health Statistics. Couple that with the high incidence of violent crime among males, their war dead and the rise in the rates of homosexuality it becomes obvious that there are not enough men for each woman to have one. Thus many women are obliged to become mistresses, girlfriends and playmates to fulfill their natural physical needs, leaving their psychological needs distorted in such demeaning relationships. Muslims can choose to join the West in its death throes, falsely called “progress” and “sophistication’’, or choose to retain Islamic values. It is a fact that the average married western citizen continues to seek personal sexual freedom outside the framework of marriage. Serial or progressive monogamy in which a person remarries a number of times is so widespread today that it has arrived as an alternative marriage structure in American society. Some researchers predict that we are close to the day when 85 % of all men and women reaching the age of sixty-five (in the United States) will have been remarried at least once. Thus we can see that an Islamic society, which honours, shelters and protects women, is definitely preferable to a corrupt open society which forces women into despicable roles out of desperation or ignorance in order to compete with men for survival. Men are the natural guardians of women and every woman should be under the care of a guardian.

Male sex-drive and the veil

There is no doubt that no woman relishes the thought of sharing her husband with another and that plural marriages

Polygamy in Islam 49

provide a base for jealousies to arise. However, the laws of Islam always give precedence to the general welfare of society over individual discomfort or personal preferences. Hence the Islamic marriage system includes polygyny to protect and provide for the ever present surplus of females in most human societies. The institution of polygyny in the Islamic marriage system also takes into account certain undeniable aspects of human nature which affect male-female relationships. These aspects represent the natural instincts which must be present in order for men to be prepared and able to provide for the physical and emotional needs of the surplus females in society. Simply stated, men must have a greater instinctual sexual drive and a natural desire to have more than one wife. The first of these two facts is borne out by scientific studies conducted by the likes of Dr. Masters and Dr. Johnson and those researchers who followed in their footsteps. It has clearly been established through their clinical researches that men in general are much more easily aroused sexually than women. This is borne out in the high frequency of “premature ejaculation” in men and statistics on the vast number of women who never experience orgasm during their marriages. The second fact is obvious from the high frequency of extra-marital sex among western males as opposed to females and the historical existence of institutionalized polygyny in human society at all stages of recorded human history and in all present day “primitive societies” which have been studied, with very few exceptions. The answer as to why women, in general, tend to be less easily aroused sexually than man and more satisfied with one mate under normal conditions lies in the societal need for family structure and stability. These factors must be naturally present in women for there to be any stability in family relations. That is, if most women were naturally like men in these two aspects, families could never be established. This fact is borne out by the tremendous

50 Ta ‘ad-dud: Polvgyny

breakdown of the family structure in western society due to the socalled “sexual revolution’’. Single parent families have become a recognized and accepted variation of family structure in spite of its inherent socio-economic weakness and the documented psychological damage which often results among its members.

Given these natural but complementary differences between men and women and the normal and natural attraction which exists between the sexes, Islam enjoins modesty in society in order to avoid sexual chaos and the harassment of females.

As mentioned previously, in Islam women are advised not to make a public display of their beauty and finery. Women are also obliged, whether outside or inside their homes, to cover all of their bodies except their faces and hands when in the presence of men whom they could possibly marry. The covering must also be loose and opaque so as not to reveal the woman’s shape or what she is wearing underneath it.

In the Qur’an, Allah () instructs females as follows:

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Polygamy in Islam 5]

[ordinarily] appears thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their _ husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers and their brothers’ sons or their sisters ’sons or their women or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical need or small children who have no awareness of Sex...” (Qur’an 24: 31)

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“O” Prophet! Tell your wives, daughters and the believing women to cast their outer garments over themselves [when outside]. That is best in order that they might be known and not molested...”

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The purpose of the cloaks and covering is not to make the women inconspicuous as some have mistakenly understood. Some sisters in the West have avoided wearing the coat and scarf claiming that it draws attention to themselves, whereas, they claim, a Muslim woman’s dress should not draw male attention to them. However, the dress of the woman is meant to be particularly conspicuous “in order that they be known and not molested”. When women in the West abide by the Islamic code of dress and character (i.e., non-flirtatious) in most cases it brings respect. Men consider them to be some order of nuns and_ therefore unapproachable. Many Muslim sisters have testified to this fact — that in their full Islamic dress (coat and large scarf) men tend not

52 Ta ‘ad-dud: Polygyny

to make any sexual advances and in fact become overly polite and gentlemanly. Men are also obliged to wear loose fitting clothes which do not display their private parts or call attention to their sexuality. However, the stress is on the female for her own protection and because it is the over-aroused male who often attacks the beautiful female and not vice versa.

Women are free to beautify themselves within the confines of their homes for the delight of their husbands or close unmarriageable relatives (men within the forbidden degrees of matriage). Certainly, Allah has not denied them this nght as He says in the Qur’an:

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“Say, “Who has forbidden the beautiful [gifts] of Allah which He has produced for His servants, and the things pure and clean [which He has provided] for sustenance’...” (Qur’an 7: 32)

The desire to look attractive is a human characteristic, yet that attractiveness should not be a source of destruction for men or women. Instead of revealing their beauty to the world and inciting men to sin, women should seek to look attractive in order to comfort and retain their husbands’ respect and love. For this reason women are also forbidden to wear make-up and scented oils or perfume in the streets or anywhere in which it is possible for men outside of the forbidden degrees of marriage to see or smell them.

The Prophet (s:) 1s reported to have said,

“Every eye is adulterous, and when a woman perfumes : p

Polygamy in Islan 53

herself and passes a company, she is such and such (meaning adulterous).””|

Every citizen of the West is aware of the high incidence of rapes and sexual harassment perpetrated on women in western society. These violations are a direct result of the high level of sexual enticement present on all levels of western life. Dress which originally was intended to cover the private parts of men and women and protect the body from the elements has kecome a means of displaying the body in the most vulgar fashiois. Most male-oriented commodities, from cars to shaving rezors are advertised by alluring half-naked females, while virile males are used in the advertisements of female-oriented commodities. Islam also protects women from this type of sexual brwality by generally prohibiting undue mixing of marriageable males and females. And it even goes one step further by instructing men and women to avoid staring at each other. Allah (4) says in the Qur’an:

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for greater purity for them; and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.” (Qur’en 24: 30)

' Reported by Abu Masa and collected by Tirmidhi, Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 3, Pp. 1161-2, hadith no. 4161 and Masa’i, and authenticated as hasan by Shaykh al-Albani in Mishkit al-Masabih. vol. 1, p. 334-5, hadith no. 1065, ftn. 1.

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“And sav to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty...” (Qur’an 24: 31)

This does not imply that men and women should go around the society staring at the ground as this is most impractical and unreasonable. What it docs mean is that when men and women see each other, they should not take pleasure in staring at each other nor should they look each other up and down. The Prophet (#) said,

“Allah has decreed for man his portion of fornication which he will inevitably commit. The fornication of the eyes consists in looking, and of the tongue in speech. The soul wishes and desires, and the private parts accord with that or reject it.”*

Burayda reported the Prophet (=) as saying to “Ali (.3,),

“Do not give a second look (to women), ‘Ali, for while you are not to blame for the first, you have no right to the second.””*

? Reported by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Al-Bukhari, Muslim (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, Pp. 1397-8, hadith no. 6421 and Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawiid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, Pp. 576-7, hadith no. 2147. See also Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 25.

* Collected by Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1. p. 662 and Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid. (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 576, hadith no. 2144, and authenticated as Aasan by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Abi Dawid, vol. 2, p. 403, hadith no. 1881.

Polygamy in Islam 55

The Islamic institution of polygyny also takes into consideration socio-psychological limitations inherent in man. Men, generally, get married in order to satisfy their physical and psychological desires for female companionship. However, a man may marry a woman when he is young or immature and for various emotional reasons may later find her unsuitable and find himself unable to find contentment and happiness with her. Or a man may be married to a barren woman or a woman whose interests are very different from his. Outside of Islam, such a man would find it necessary to divorce his wife or indulge in extramarital relationships in order to be with a more compatible person or a person able to bear his children. Sometimes a man may long for variety and a different personality type after a long period of marriage. Or some women lose their beauty in old age so their men might be inclined to look around for younger women to whom they may be attracted. In all of the above-mentioned circumstances, Islam supports family unity while recognizing the individual’s desires by encouraging the man to keep his wife and allowing him to satisfy his needs by marrying another wife if he is able to fulfill the requirements of plural marriage in Islam.

Conditions for plural marriages

However, certain conditions are attached to plural marriage in Islam in order to protect the women involved because it is invariably the women who are taken advantage of in such relationships. For example, a man may not have more than four wives at a time and each marriage contract is legal and binding, involving the same rights, responsibilities and obligations as the first contract. That is, wife number one is not the mother or chief of all subsequent wives, nor is wife number four allowed preferential treatment at the expense of the other wives. Each

56 Ta‘ad-dud: Polygyny

individual marriage contract carries the same amount of weight in an Islamic court of law and thus men are not allowed to openly attach greater importance to one at the expense of the other. Such behaviour would not be equitable treatment and might even be construed as oppression.

In fact the Prophet () is reported to have said,

“Whoever has two wives and leans unduly to one of them will come on the Day of Judgement with half of his body leaning.””*

So the man must live with all of his wives on a footing of equality and kindness. In fact, the whole question of permissibility of plural marriages in Islam is tied to a given man’s ability to deal justly with all his wives in terms of his time and wealth.

Love, as it is known in the West, is not a prerequisite for marriage in Islam; hence the concept of plural marriages does not have as emotionally devastating an effect on true Muslim women as it would have on their non-Muslim counterparts, except where western influences are great. The most important factor in a truly Islamic marriage is the piety of the partners involved. This fact was alluded to by the Prophet (ss) in the following statement:

“A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property (wealth), her rank (lineage), her beauty and her religion. However, you should marry the one who is religious and you will be satisfied.”°

4 Reported by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Abu Dawid, Suncin Abi Dawiid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p. 572, hadith no. 2128, Tirmidhi amd Ibn Majah, Mishkat al-Masabih, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 1, p. 687, and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Abi Dawiid, vol. 2, p. 400, hadith no. 1867.

> Reported by Abu Hurayrah and collected by Al-Bukhari, (Arabic:-Eng. Trans.), vol. 7, Pp. 18-9, hadith no. 27, Muslim, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, p>. 749, hadith=

Polygamy in Islam 57

Besides the reasons mentioned above, a woman may also marry for other reasons, such as security, offspring and companionship. However, in Islam, love usually follows marriage, so it is better to marry a religious, pious, disciplined man and love for Allah’s pleasure rather than to develop a premarital romantic fixation which often fades in time due to the inevitable trials of marriage. Within western society, women are brought up to believe that marriage may be for one of two things; love or money. The idea of romantic love and wealth are presented as the most important aspects of life. Women are openly and subliminally seduced with this concept by the media in the form of serials on television, romantic novels, magazines, movies and commercial advertisements. Even children’s fairy tales beguile little girls with the notion that only true love and money can make her happy. So many women in western society are brought up to believe that one day Prince Charming or a knight in shinning armour will suddenly appear and carry her away if only she is beautiful and fortunate enough to catch his attention. In order to satisfy this artificially created desire, women go to extremes in dress, hair styles and make-up to attract the Opposite sex. Other women change partners whenever fatigue sets into a relationship, in the misguided hope that the next one will be the one. The emphasis on love before marriage, love before honour and love above every thing is negative and self-destructive. Due to emphasis on romantic love within western culture, it is difficult for people (Muslims included) to comprehend the concept of love after marriage; love for the sake of Allah and love built on the virtues of loyalty, trust and faith in Allah. According to Islamic tradition, the Prophet (s+) and his Companions married for a

=no. 3457 and Abu Dawid, Sunan Abi Dawid, (Eng. Trans.), vol. 2, hadith no. 544-5, and hadith no. 2042.

58 Ta ‘ad-dud: Polygyny

variety of reasons. They married widows with children, divorced women and captives of war in order to consolidate and reconcile groups to the Islamic cause, in addition to marrying for the normal reasons which men marry for.

Islam as it was revealed to the Prophet (xz) is a complete way of life which leaves no aspect of life without regulations, enabling Muslims whether male or female to stay on the correct path. Hence, if'a man is able to care for and take care of more than one wife justly, there is no sin on him if he does so. On the contrary, he should be commended for following the Sunnah of the Prophet (#) and fulfilling his role as a guardian of women.

Section Four