Part 5

If the husband has stipulated that the wife will not work, or if there was no condition at all, then the wife should listen to the husband.

It should be remembered that the wife should not jeopardise her marriage by working, merely to make a point. This is an issue which has to be worked out and agreed upon through discussions and mutual consultation.

b. The wife’s wealth and property.

Some men become greedy when they see that the wife has money. They force her to part with it. This is completely unlawful in Islam. The wife has absolute control and authority over her wealth and she may spend it accordingly.

The husband still has to provide for her even if she is wealthy.

This kind of unwarranted domination on the part of men leads to erasing any element of love between the pair. The magazine “Riyadh” has reported that a woman was forced to kill her husband, cut him into pieces and scatter them in two towns. This was because he used to hit her and demand money from her. Allah says:

“And give women their mahr as a gift. If they willing give you some portion of it, then receive it with an open heart.”**

Beauty plays a great role in creating a happy and prosperous marriage. Man, by nature, is lured towards beauty. This applies just as much to the man as to the woman. Many men feel that this is something that women like doing and they do not feel the necessity to dress up and look decent for their wives. This is totally wrong. Allah says:

“And they (the women) have just as much right, in kindness, as they have duties.”*

While it is true that men should not preen and become vain about minute details of their appearance, this does not mean that they should not make an effort to be more presentable. A man, who was grey, asked a lady’s hand in marriage. The lady said: “Tell him that I have grey hair.” The man immediately withdrew his bid. The lady then told everybody

>! Surah an-Nisa’ (4), ayat 4. * Surah al-Baqarah (2), ayat 228,

concerned that she had only black hair and she only wanted to show that women like to see what men like to see in their spouses.

Unfortunately, many women have an appalling attitude towards the whole concept of beauty and dressing up. They will remain in an absolute disgusting state for days on end. Then, when a social occasion arrives, they will dress up and present themselves with great pride and fuss. All this with the clothing and jewellery that their husbands bought for them. It is a tremendous injustice that they can decorate themselves for others but not for their own husbands. The husbands have more rights to their appearances and beauty than all other women combined.

I have been informed by many who read gossip magazines that the mother-in-law lives to destroy the marriage of her daughter and her happiness lies in teaching her daughter schemes and tricks whereby she is able to ruin the husband financially and physically.

Reality is quite different from that. The mother-in-law is someone who is well respected and sacrifices her happiness for the good of her daughter. But this does not mean that all mother-in-laws are like this. Some will be quite the opposite and that is within the realms of human possibility. But to assume that she is conniving all the time is an injustice. The same applies to the husband’s mother.

Committing sins in search for happiness.

This is extremely detrimental and can have grave repercussions. It has overtaken the minds of Muslims in the name of a “honeymoon”. In this month, the couple travel and commit so many sins in the hope of finding happiness. Nothing could be further from the Islamic spirit. In this month of “bliss”, they engage in so many un-Islamic activities. It is a month of “enjoyment” and thereafter a life of misery and pain. A Muslim’s whole life should be filled with happiness.

They look at pornographic films and magazines. They listen to erotic music or the very least is that the husband invites all his friends where he can show off his wife. Sins have no bliss attached to them, they come with trials and disasters. This is Allah’s Law and no one can escape His Law.

Perhaps the best issue to discuss at the end of this lecture is the issue of offering gifts to one another. Many fail to realise that this has a tremendous impact on marriage. This also applies to giving gifts to each other’s parents. Gifts get rid of resentments and dissolve hatred. This is why the Prophet (SAW) said: “Offer gifis to one another and you will increase love for one another.” ***

With gifts, there is spreading salaams (greetings) amongst each other and meeting one another with a smile and happy face. The Prophet (saw) said: “Shall I not inform you of something that will increase love amongst you if you do it. That is spread salaam.’*’ So try out giving gifts and spreading salaam. You will, Allah willing, see the result.

These are the most salient ingredients for the making of a happy marriage. Obviously, there has to be an ardent desire and diligent effort. This effort will form a believing family and raise generations from which leaders and pious personalities rise. The Muslim community is in dire need of confronting the evils of the enemy vis-a-vis the Muslim family.

The family which holds firm to their faith and practice and which makes the Qur’an and Sunnah a model for its life is more likely to exist in happiness and prosperity:

“So whoever follows My Guidance shall not roam astray, not become wretched.”

As for those who tum away from the right path; assume the characteristics of East and West blindly and raise their children on that standard, then they have only themselves to blame:

“Whoever turns away from My Remembrance shall experience a strained life. Besides, We shall resurrect him on the Day of Judgement while he is blind.”

Allah has promised great rewards and bounties for those couples who live according to his dictates:

“Together with their wives they shall recline under shady groves against cushions.”**

Angels will welcome and pray for them:

* Surah Taha (20), ayat 123. % Surah Taha (20), ayat 124. * Surah Ya Sin (36), ayat 52.

“O Our Lord! Let them enter gardens which You have promised them. (Let them be accompanied by) those among their parents, spouses and offspring who reformed. Only You are Mighty and Wise.”*”

On the other hand, those couples who do not abide by His

Commands should beware of being among those whom Allah describes in the verse:

“Gather those who are unjust with their spouses and whatever they worshipped besides Allah. Then lead them to the path of Hell.”**

Our final word is that All Praise is due to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. Blessings be upon the messengers. May Allah send Salutations and Blessings on Muhammed, his family and his companions.

5’ Surah Ghafir (40), ayat 8. %* Surah as-Saffat (37), ayats 22-23

Examples for us from the women of the sahaba and the salaf-as-saliheen

* ‘Urwah said: “ ‘Aisha (RA) would not keep something of what Allah (SWT) provided her without giving it in charity.” 62

Nafeesah, daughter of al-Hasan, son of Zaid, son of alHasan ibn Ali, the grandson of the Prophet (SAW) was one of the righteous pious and devoted women. She used to spend the night in prayer as well as fast during the day. She would also cry a lot for fear of Allah. When she was told to take things easy and look after herself, she said: “How can I do that while there is in front of me an ascent which only the successful [people] can cross?”

She died while she was fasting. When she was asked to break her fast before her death she said : “How odd! I have been praying for thirty years to meet Allah (SWT) while I am fasting. Do you want me to break my fast now? This will never happen,” Then she passed away.

e¢ Maymmon ibn Mahraan said: Mu’awiyyah ibn Abu Sufyan (RA) proposed to Ummud-Dardaa’, but she refused to marry him, saying: ‘I heard Abu-Dardaa saying: Allah’s Messenger(SAW) said: “The woman will be given [in Jannah] to the last man she married [in this life}.””

e ‘Ikrimah said: “Asmaa’, daughter of Abu Bakr, was married to az-Zubair ibnul-‘Awwaam who was hard on her. She came to her father complaining to him about her husband, and he said, “ O my daughter! Be patient; for if a woman has a pious husband who dies before her and she does not marry any one after him, she will be reunited with him in Paradise.” 7