2. Cognitive response

Richard Lazarus 15 uses the term 'cognitive appraisal' to describe how different changes and various encountered circumstances influence individuals. Some people perceive any problem as menacing, imminent, and troublesome; while others approach their problem with a fighting spirit, favouring adjustment and adaptation. Perceiving stressful situations as harmful hinders our ability to analyse and subsequently cope with these situations. On the other hand, seeing them as challenging enables us to deal effectively with the events. 16 Our way of coping with our emotions depends primarily on our degree of faith. A deep trust in and love for Allah, coupled with the realization that this world is transient, can give us strength and 14 Brown, 2007. 15 Lazarus, 1993 & 2000. 16 Santrock, 2003. peace of mind.

This is an internal serenity that comes from the realization that each event (no matter how difficult or tragic) must include something good for us; we draw a lesson out of every experience, and tum each failure into challenge and each loss into hope. A true believer never falls into despair, as s/he is simply never enslaved by worldly passions. Allah promises to reward patience and the acceptance of His Will in this life and in the hereafter. The believer should always remember this verse of the Quran: ~Say, 'Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us. He is our Mawla [Allah, Helper and Protector].

And in Allah let the believers put their trust.·~ (Qur 'an 9: 51) The cognitive view can dramatically influence our physiological response to a stressful situation. By changing the mental image and improving our coping attitude, we initiate a relaxing feeling, calming down the 'fight, flight and fright' response triggered by the hypothalamus centre in the brain and executed by the sympathetic nervous system. This proactive behaviour saves us from a load of physical risks. I once read a story about a group of alumni, highly established in their careers, who got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress at work and in daily life.

Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nicelooking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups. Now, if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups.

They are just tools to hold and contain life, but the quality of life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. So don't let the cups distract you ... enjoy the coffee instead." 17 Be happy Happiness is an inner feeling; it is the contentment and satisfaction of one's soul. You are the only one responsible for your own happiness. Happiness is a decision that you can make anytime and stick to it.

I know many people who keep saying, If I was richer, I would have been happier; If I pass this exam, I will be happier. There is always an 'if involved; their happiness is dependent on some materialistic objective in their lives, and let me assure you that even 'if this objective is reached, there will always be another one waiting, further postponing their happiness. Prophet Muhammad (~) said: «Seek the help of Allah, do not be frustrated and if something befalls you, do not say, "If I had done this, so and so would have happened", but say, "Allah decreed, and what Allah wills, He does". Indeed, "if' opens the door for evil.» 18 17 This anecdote, along with several others related in this book, is one of many such stories circulating via email. The author is unknown to me, and I hope I am excused for using it as an illustrative example. 18 Muslim ..

Ibn al-Qayyim classified happiness into three types: 19 •!• External happiness, resulting from wealth, power, prestige or the possession of worldly material goods. This type, he noted, is the lowest stage of happiness, as it is a momentary pleasure that can vanish in an instant. Allah (~) says: ~Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children, as the likeness of vegetation after rain, thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter [there is] a severe torment [for the disbelievers, evil-doers], and [there is] Forgiveness from Allah and [His] Good Pleasure [for the believers who do good works], whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment) (Quran 57: 20) •!• The second type of happiness originates from the physical bodyits health, mood and strength. This one is more related to who we are than the first type, but still, it is an external type of happiness and it can come to an end at any time.

Allah states in His Holy Book: 19 Jauziyah . (~_;-1 ~ .:r.l .:r..1.11 ..r1"), 2003b. ~Verily, We created the human of the best stature [mould], then We reduced him to the lowest of the low) (Quran 95: 4-5) •!• The third type is moral happiness, which originates from the heart and the soul. This is true happiness, and it results from useful knowledge, good manners, content of character and faith. Allah teaches us in His Holy Book: ~Say, 'In the Bounty of Allah, and in His Mercy [Islam and the Quran]; therein let them rejoice. That is better than what [the wealth] they amass) (Quran 10: 58) lbn al-Qayyim interpreted the 'Bounty of Allah' as the faith of the believer; and His 'Mercy' as the Glorious Quran.

According to Ghazali (the Younger), the real reasons for happiness reside in the soul; this happiness can be served by the physical body (health and strength), and then by other external worldly desires like wealth and children. Whoever follows this order adjusts their priorities and attains real bliss. 20 Here are some guidelines from the Quran and the Sunnah that if properly applied and faithfully believed, will ensure your way to a happy, prosperous life on earth and in the hereafter. 20 Ghazfili the Younger (Jl}JI ..i....:), 2003a. Twenty tips to bring you happiness