12. Do not get angry

Anger, like stress and worry, intoxicates your body; it pulls you into a never-ending vicious cycle of unhappiness and rage, which in tum depletes your energy and leaves you devastated and depressed. It is important to realise that anger does not resolve anything. «A man came to the Prophet (~) and asked him for advice; the Prophet(~) replied, repeating several times: "Do not get angry."» 99 97 Bukhari and Muslim. 98 Ibid. 99 Al-Bukhari. ( .. And that which Allah has is better and more lasting for those who believe ... and when they are angry, they forgive) (Quran 42: 36-37) Controlling one's temper is not an easy task: it needs patience, wisdom and struggle within oneself; that is why Prophet Muhammad (~) said: «"Who do you count as strong among you?" The Companions said, "The one who throws people down (during fights)." He(~ ) said, "No. The strong one is the he who controls his temper when he gets angry."» 100 Our Prophet (~ ) taught us how to control anger and rage with this advice: «Anger is from the Devil, and the Devil is made of fire, and fire is extinguished by water; so if anyone of you gets angry, let him perform ablution.» 101 Today, many psychologists advise patients suffering from anxiety or going through panic or fits of rage to use hydrotherapy (water therapy). The amazing calming effect of water has been scientifically proven, and is used all over the world. «Prophet Muhammad (~ ) said when he saw an angry man getting into a fight: "I know a du 'a' that, if he said it, his anger would fade away: '/ seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan. 102 (A 'oodhu billahi mina shay(an ir-rajeem.)' "» Seeking refuge in Allah to help us control our feelings and restore our emotional equilibrium is very important. Controlling one' s rage is only the first step in the Islamic approach for responding to offenders, as Allah says in His Holy Book: 100 Muslim. 101 Arymed. 102 Muslim. ~Those ... who repress anger, and who pardon people; verily, Allah loves the doers of good) (Quran 3: 134) That is, first control your anger, then forgive the offender, then be good to the one who offended you; this is even better and more loved by Allah. This act of responding to evil by good actions purifies the heart and elevates your spirit to a higher level of wisdom and power, enabling you to take control of your life and overcome obstacles. I remember when I first got married; I used to get very angry at every misunderstanding that arose between my husband and me. This stage of anger made me remember each and every mistake he had made since I first met him, and I would temporarily forget all the good things he had done. Then one day I read this hadith: «The Prophet (3@) said: "I saw Hellfire and I never saw a scene like today, and I saw that most of its people are women." They (the Companions) asked, "O Messenger of Allah. Why?" He said, "Because of their disbelief." They asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" He replied, "They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and for what they provide for them; if you were kind to one of them for ages, then she sees you make some mistake once, she says, 'I never saw any good from him' ."» 103 0 my God! I thought, That is exactly what I have been doing! What is the solution then? The solution is mentioned in the hadith itself: "saw any good from him". Since that day, whenever I have a disagreement with my husband, I just sit quietly and think of all his good deeds towards me, my kids, and my family or even towards other friends and relatives. At the same time I also remind myself of this saying: "Seek seventy excuses for your brother." 103 Al-Bukhari. Amazingly, these simple exercises, practiced for just few minutes, totally changed my emotional state from anger and resentment to peace and forgiveness. Anger cannot resolve problems, it blocks your ability for rational thinking, while on the contrary, tranquillity and serenity enable you to think clearly and to find a wise solution for your problems. I read a story once about a little boy who had a bad temper: "His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 43 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down as the boy discovered that it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally a day came when the boy did not lose his temper at all. He told his father about it, and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to control his anger. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, 'You have done well, my son, there are no nails in the fence anymore, but look at these holes. The fence will never be the same again!' Remember, when you say things in anger, they leave a permanent scar!" 104 104 This anecdote, along with several others related in this book, is one of many such stories circulating via email. The author is unknown to me, and I hope I am excused for using it as an illustrative example.