Part 19

Related Issue: We are forbidden, as the hadith indicates, to remain a guest for more than three days, so that we do not provoke the host to sin ~ a host can sin by having evil, prohibited suspicious about his guest or by backbiting him or by doing

") Related by Bukhaaree (6135) and Mucliiz (48/ from the Book of Lugatah), and the wording here is from his navzation. The following compilers related it as well: Ahmad (26620), At-Tirmidhee (1967), Abu Daawood (8748), Ibn Maajah (3672), Maalik (1728), and Ad-Daarimee (2035).

3) Welcome Your Guest With A Warm, Genial Greeting

Ibn ‘Abbaas 4 said, “When the delegation of ‘Abdul-Qais went 4 to the Prophet #, he # said,

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“Marhaban (welcome!) to the delegation that has come without disgrace or regret...”"11

Without a doubt, when you welcome your guests with kind and j hospitable greetings, you are sure to infuse happiness and a feeling of welcomeness into their breasts.

4) What Should A Guest Say And Do When Another Person — Who: Is Not An Invitee — Accompanies Him To The Place Of Invitation?’

When this happens to you, you should say as the Prophet # said’ in the following hadith. Abu Mas‘ood 4 said, “There was a’ man from the Ansaar who was called Abu Shu’aib, and he had a’ servant that was a butcher. Abu Shu’aib said to him, ‘Prepare food for me, and I will invite the Messenger of Allah 2% to be the fifth among a total of five [guests].’ He invited the Messenger of

1 Related by Bukhaaree (6176) and Muslim (17)

Chapter - 6 The Etiquettes Of The Host And The Guest 123

Allah # as the fifth among the total of five guests, and when they came, a man followed them. The Prophet #% said,

“Verily, you invited us, a total of five guests, and this man has indeed followed us. If you wish, you may give him permission [to enter]; and if you wish, you may leave him (i.e., ask him to Jeave).’

Abu Shu’aib said, ‘Rather, I give him permission [to enter and be my guest].

There are many lessons that we can learn from this hadith, but we will restrict ourselves here to those that are related to our subject of discussion. First, when a host invites a specific group of people and when a person outside of that group accompanies them, he is not included in the general implications of the invitation. So if one intrudes upon a gathering to which he is not invited, the host has the choice of allowing him to enter or sending him away. And if the intruder enters without the permission of the host, the host may force him to leave. But if a person forces himself onto an invitee and insists upon following him even though he is not invited, the invitee should not refuse him. This ruling is taken from the Prophet's action; the man followed the Prophet #%, who did not refuse him or order him not to follow him, for there was a chance that the host would welcome him and allow him to enter the gathering. Ibn Hajr holds this opinion, but An-Nawawee disagrees, saying that the invitee should repel and forbid one who is forcing his company upon others. However, nothing in the hadith supports that view; therefore, Ibn Hajr’s view in this issue is correct.

5) Burdening Yourself For Your Guest When hosting others, you should not go beyond reasonable

"! Related by Bukhaaree (5434), Muslim (2036), and At-Tirmidhee (1099)

limits in entertaining them. We should not overburden ourselves in entertaining our guests; and we are, in a more general sense, forbidden from resorting to exaggeration or affectation in our | lives. Anas 4 said, ‘We were with ‘Umar 2 when he said, ‘We were forbidden from Takaalluf (affectation and going to extravagant troubles).”""! We cannot really specify a limit, - beyond which one is considered to have gone to extravagant troubles in entertaining his guest. Custom is the judge in this : matter; or in other words, in a given time and society, what | people consider to be extravagant, is indeed extravagant; and what they don’t consider to be extravagant, isn’t extravagant | (unless, of course, when all people ina society follow extravagant i ways that are contrary to the guidelines of the Shariah). In general, however, we can say that you should prepare the amount and variety of food that is sufficient for your guest, without being extravagant or miserly; and the best of matters are those that are in the middle. Jaabir 4s reported that he heard the : Messenger of Allah #% say,

“The food of one is sufficient for two; the food for two is sufficient for four; and the food of four is sufficient for eight.’"!

how wonderfully they hosted their banquet. All of this, no doubt,

" Related by Bukhaaree (7293). This narration is, for all effective purposes, a hadith, because ‘Umar + said, ‘We were forbidden,’ and only the Prophet had the right to forbid.

!1 Related by Muslim (2059), Ahmad (13810), At-Tirmidhee (1820), Ibn Maajah (3254), and Ad-Daarimee (2044).

‘Ghapter - 6 The Etiquettes Of The Host And The Guest 125

is objectionable; in fact, it is not permissible to eat the food served at such banquets, for Ibn ‘Abbaas & related that the Prophet 2% eforbade people from eating the food of competitors (i.e., 1 people Who compete to serve the most extravagant banquet).!") AlKhattaabee said, “Competitors seek to outdo and beat one ‘“Mnother, and it is disliked [in this and similar matters] because it involves Riyaa (doing deeds so that others can see them) and ‘thowing-off, and because such competition here falls under ‘Allah’s general prohibition of eating wealth unjustly.”

“@ Enter Only After Having Obtained Permission And [In General] + Leave After The Meal Is Over

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- “O you who believe! Enter not the prophet’s houses, except when

_ 3, leave is given to you for a meal, (and then) not (so early as) to

wait for its preparation. But when you are invited, enter, and

- when you have taken your meal, disperse, without sitting for a talk” (Quran 33:53)

In this verse, Allah 3¢ forbade believers from entering the Prophet's house without his permission; similarly, among themselves believers should not enter one another’s homes without permission; the prohibition, therefore, encompasses all believers.

‘The verse also forbade them from entering before the meal, so as to wait for the food to be cooked. In the days of ignorance (preIslamic times), people would go to a banquet very early and there wait for the food to be cooked. Allah % forbade them from this practice with His saying:

" Related by Abu Daawood (3754), and Al-Albaanee said, “sahih.”

“(And then) not (so early as) to wait for its preparation’

Then Allah #& clarified that, as soon as the guest has eaten, he should leave and not remain seated, hoping for conversation, because that entails harm for the host - who, in the context of the verse, was the Prophet #%. The same rule applies to all people, because when they are hosts, it is trying for them when guests ; remain after they have partaken of their meal; guests, therefore, should not stay with them much longer, unless the host wants them to stay or it is customary among a people for guests to stay after the meal. Hence, if there is no hardship or annoyance } involved, they can stay. Since the prohibition hinges upon a reason - annoyance and hardship - an absence of that reason means that the prohibition no longer applies.

7) Serving In Order Of Age — From Oldest To Youngest; And Serving From Right To Left

As a host, you should give special attention and care to the most aged guest. Ibn ‘Umar related that the Messenger of Allah # said,

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“T saw myself in a dream, cleaning my teeth with Siwaak. Two men were pulling at me, and one of them was older than the other. I handed the Siwaak to the younger of the two, and it was said to me, ‘To the older,’ and so I handed it to the older one.""")

In another hadith, the Prophet # said,

"1 Related by Muslim (3003), and Bukhaaree related it Mu’allagan, in the “Book of Ablution.” And the speaker of, ‘To the older, is Jibreel %8.

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Chapter - 6 The Etiquettes Of The Host And The Guest 127

“Whoever does not have mercy on our young ones and knows not the right[s] of our elder[s], is not from us,"

And in yet another hadith, the Prophet # said, (oats 63 Aig, Be pili V5 as J

“Verily, from the glorification of Allah is to honor the elderly Muslim; the bearer of the Quran, who neither exceeds the limits regarding it nor forsakes it; and the person of authority who is eee 2)

All of the above-mentioned Ahadeeth show that a host should give priority to the eldest when serving food or drink. Yet the following hadith seemingly indicates otherwise. Sahl Ibn Sa‘ad