Part 76

Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudree 4 related that the Messenger of Allah #¢

') Related by Muslim (308), Ahmad (10777), At-Tirmidhee (141), AnNassaaee (262), Abu Daawood (220), and Ibn Maajah (587).

Chapter - 21 The Manners Of Interacting With One’s Wife 465

“Verily, among the most evil of people with Allah (i.e., in Allah's judgment) in ranking on the Day of Resurrection is a man who goes to his wife (i.e., has sexual relations with his wife), and whose wife goes to him, and then he spreads her secret (i.e., spreads the details of their relations). vty

Explaining this hadith, An-Nawawee said, ‘Based on this hadith, it is forbidden for a man to spread the details of his sexual relations with his wife, regardless of whether he relates what she said, did, or anything else. But to simply mention that he had sexual intercourse with her, without going into details, has a slightly different ruling. If there is no benefit or need in a man mentioning that he had sex with his wife, then it is Makrooh (disliked) for him to mention it, and mentioning it is contrary to the concepts of modesty, decency, and true manhood. The Prophet # said,

‘Whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, then let him speak well or otherwise remain silent.’

But if there is a need or benefit - for example, in court, he answers the accusation of his wife that he is not able to have sex - then there is nothing disliked about him mentioning it. For example, when he explained a religious ruling, the Prophet 2¢ said,

“Verily, that is what I as well as her (referring to his #& wife ) do.’

" Related by Muslim (1437), and the above-mentioned wording is from his narration of the hadith; by Ahmad (11258); and by Abu Daawood

In another instance, the Prophet # asked Abu Talhah #,

‘Did you ‘Arastum (in Arabic, a softened way of saying, ‘did you engage in sexual intercourse?’) last night?’

another to have sexual relations with his wife in order to have a child).””

And Allah 3 knows best.

Related Issue: Just as it is prohibited for a man to discuss his intimate, conjugal relations with a third party, so too is it prohibited for a woman to discuss her intimate, conjugal relations with a third party. Even though the Prophet # was addressing men in the above-mentioned hadith, the implications of what he #% said apply to both men and women.

8) A Man Must Do Justice Between His Wives The Prophet # ordered men to do justice between their wives:

“Whoever has two women (two wives) and inclines to one of them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection, and one of his sides will be slanting.”

Ahmad related the hadith thus: “’...and one of his sides will be

falling.””"! But in the following verse, Allah 3é made it clear that

a man is not capable of doing perfect justice between his wives: a oon

" Related by Abu Daawood (2133); the above-mentioned wording is his, and in grading his narration, Al-Albaanee said, ““sahih.” These compilers related it as well; Ahmad (8363), At-Tirmidhee (1141), An-Nassaaee (3942), Ibn Maajah (1969), and Ad-Daarimee (2206).

Chapter - 21 The Manners Of Interacting With One's Wife 467

“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e., neither divorced nor married)...”

How can we find harmony between the hadith and verse when they appear to be in contradiction with one another? In reality, there is no contradiction between them. From the verse, we learn that a man cannot do perfect justice; he does not have the ability to love his wives equally, for that is a matter of the heart, which a person has no control over. The same goes for sexual intercourse and the desire to have sexual intercourse: a man does not have to be equal in these regards. What he does have to be fair about is how he outwardly treats them and in how he distributes things to them, which we will clarify shortly. And even if a husband does not engage in sexual intercourse an equal amount of times among his wives, he at least has to make sure that each of his wives gets enough to satisfy her needs.

From the hadith, we learn that a husband has to be fair in distribution - in how many nights he spends with each wife, in spending, and providing with clothes, and anything similar in which justice can be done. It becomes clear, then, that there really is no contradiction between the verse and the hadith.

A husband must fear Allah 3 and do justice between his wives. If he wrongs one of them or acts unfairly, he is sinning and will be deserving of punishment. But if he is just between his wives, he will be rewarded well. The Messenger of Allah # said,

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JE5 OW est DEF be BE Se il Le Ge kd! op “Verily, the just ones will be with Allah upon platforms of light, to the right of the Most-Merciful ‘Azza Wa-Jall (to Whom belongs might and majesty) - and both of His hands are [His]

right; they are those who are just in their judgment, with their families (wives), and in matters they are entrusted with.)

8) Related by Muslim (1827), Ahmad (6449), and An-Nassaaee (5379).

Chapter - 22 The Manners Of Supplication 469

The Manners Of Supplication

Allah 3 said: “ee aps Me ‘gh ic

“And your Lord said: “Invoke Me, [i.e., believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism)] (and ask Me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation). Verily! Those who scorn My worship [i.e., do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islamic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation!”

And Allah % said:

“Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls Him, and Who removes the evil.”

And Allah 46 said:

“Invoke your Lord with humility and in secret. He likes not the aggressors.” (Quran 7:55)

And the Prophet # said,

“Nothing drives back Al-Qadaa (a Decree) except for supplication, and nothing increases a [person's] lifespan except for Al-

Birr (dutifulness to one’s parents).”")

The Manners Of Supplication

1) Supplication Is Worship

Allah 3 said: “And your Lord said: ‘Invoke Me, [i.e., believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism)] (and ask Me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation). Verily! Those who scorn My worship [i.e., do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islamic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation!”

(Islamic Monotheism)] (and ask Me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation).,””

until Allah’s saying, Kash y

") Related by At-Tirmidhee (2139), who said, “This hadith is Hasan Ghareeb.””

Chapter - 22 The Manners Of Supplication 471

It becomes clear, then, that anyone who does not supplicate to Allah 3 or who supplicates to other than Him in matters that only He is capable of, then that person has — according to the above-mentioned verse — scorned His worship.

2) The Superiority Of Supplication

Ultimate safety and success hinge upon one’s realization of Attawhid - Islamic Monotheism, and one of the ways of realizing At-tawhid in one’s life is to supplicate to Allah 3€ only. This is because, as we said, supplication is worship, and worship is for Allah 4¢ alone.

There are many virtues and benefits of supplication; we will mention only a few of them here. First, when you supplicate to Allah 4, you will taste the spiritual sweetness of invoking Allah and of humbling yourself before Him. Breaking down before Allah 3 and invoking Him for one’s needs - accompanying these is a spiritual delight that cannot be described. Ibn Al-Qayyim said, “A knowledgeable person said: When I need something from Allah $ and then ask Him for it, He 3% opens {such delights] of invoking Him, of becoming acquainted with Him (through His Beautiful Names and Attributes), of humbling myself before Him, and of praising Him, that I want the fulfillment of my need to be delayed, so that I can remain upon that [spiritually pleasing] state.”

Second, supplication drives back Divine Preordainment, for in an authentic hadith, the Prophet #8 said,

CY 25 gag Vy eed Vy adi by “Nothing drives back Al-Qadaa (a Decree) except for supplica-

tion, and nothing increases a [person's] lifespan except for AlBirr (dutifulness to one’s parents).”*

How does this mean that supplication drives back Divine Preordainment? Through contemplation of the matter, one will find that the answer is in Divine Preordainment itself. When a person becomes sick, he might supplicate to his Lord, and then become cured because of his supplication. It was Allah 3% Who decreed that he was to become sick, and then it was Allah 4% Who guided him and decreed for him to invoke Him for the removal of his sickness; and then Allah 3€ cured him. So in the beginning and end, it is Allah’s Divine Preordainment that is at work, and only in appearance does supplication drive back Divine Preordainment."!

3) Dutifulness To Parents Is One Of The Ways That Lead To One’s Supplications Being Answered

One of the greatest of good deeds is dutifulness to one’s parents, a fact that is mentioned over and over again throughout the Quran and Sunnah. A person who is dutiful to his parents or to one of them will always be guided to goodness; Allah 3 will put love for him into the hearts of people; and he becomes more likely to have his supplications answered. ‘Umar [bn AlKhattaab related that he heard the Messenger of Allah # say,

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