Part 75

“Everything a man amuses himself with is false, except for what he shoots with his bow, for when he trains his horse, and for

Another example is how the Prophet # raced with ‘Aaisha #. Speaking about what took place during a journey she made with the Prophet #%, ‘Aaisha % said, “I raced him and I beat him on my two feet. Then, when I carried [more] flesh, I raced him and he beat me. He # then said,

1] Related by At-Tirmidhee (1637), who said, “This hadith is Hasan sahih.”

Chapter - 21 The Manners Of Interacting With One’s Wife 459

“This one (defeat) for that defeat (i.e., we are now even).""1

And in yet another example of how the Prophet # would play and joke with his wives, he #% once said to ‘Aaisha %,

“Verily, I know when you are pleased with me, and when you are angry with me.””

She % said, “How do you know that?” He 2 said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, and by the Lord of

Muhammad.’ And when you are angry with me, you say, ‘No, and by the Lord of Ibraaheem.’”

She said, “Yes, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah, I do not forsake other than your name.)

5 gé iS Uh

5) Being Patient With One’s Wife And Overlooking Her Faults

By her very nature, a woman is jealous, and her jealousy often leads her to doing things that are displeasing to her husband. To compound matters, women naturally have crooked - or better put, spiteful - tongues. Knowing these things about women, a husband should be patient with his wife and overlook her faults. We have hitherto related this saying of the Prophet #%: “(Follow my command):

{1 Related by Ahmad (23598); by Abu Daawood (2578) - the abovementioned wording is from his narration of the hadith, and in grading it, Al-Albaanee said, “sahih”; and by Ibn Maajah (1979).

1 Related by Bukhaaree (5228), Muslim (2439), and Ahmad (23492).

“Treat women well and with kindness, for woman was created from [the] rib, and the most crooked part of a rib is its upper part. And if you were to go to straighten it, you would break it; and if you were to leave it, it would remain crooked. So treat women well and with kindness.’

This also literally means that women were created from (the] rib, for it refers to the creation of Hawwah (the wife of Adam #%) and how she was created from the rib of Adam #. “The most crooked part of a rib is its upper part,” means that the most crooked part of a woman is physically located at the upper part of her body: her tongue. In the hadith, the Prophet #% very vividly described the nature of women, informing men that, because women are difficult to discipline and make upright, a husband should be patient with his wife. ‘And if you were to go to straighten it,” means, if you were to persist in trying to make her upright in her manners, she would not become upright but would instead break, and her breaking means divorce. Muslim's narration of the above-mentioned hadith is worded thus:

“Verily, woman is created from [the] rib; she will not become upright for you, regardless of the way [you follow in trying to make her upright]. If you take pleasure with her, you take pleasure with her, though she has some crookedness about her. But if you go to straighten her, you will break her; and breaking her means divorcing her.’"7

The following hadith illustrates the Prophet's patience in dealing with his wives. Anas # said, “The Prophet # was with one of his wives when one of the Mothers of the Believers

" Related by Bukhaaree (3331), Muslim (1468), Ahmad (9240), At-Tirmidhee (1188), and Ad-Daarimee (2222).

Chapter - 21 The Manners Of Interacting With One’s Wife 461

(ie., another of his wives) sent a large dish with food on it. The wife that was with the Prophet # in her home struck the hand of the servant (who brought the dish), and the dish fell and broke apart. The Prophet #% gathered the broken pieces of the dish, after which he gathered the food that was in the dish and put it back onto its broken parts. And he # said,

wk3h SGU “Your mother (referring to the wife who broke the dish) became jealous.””

He #% then kept the slave back until a dish was brought from the house of the wife he was with, and he gave that dish to the wife whose dish was broken; and he kept the broken dish in the house of the wife that broke it.”

6) It Is From The Obligatory Duties Of A Husband To Have Sexual Relations (i.e., Intercourse) With His Wife

One of the rights a wife has over her husband is for him to have sexual relations with her as often as she needs. He should not leave her for long periods of time without having sex with her, for that very often leads women to sexual deviancy. When it comes to sex, some husbands are derelict in another sense as well; during sex, they do not care about whether their wives are enjoying the sex with them or not; this can have even graver consequences than not having sex with one’s wife for a long time.

Shaikh Al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said, “A man must have sex with his wife according to what is normal, sufficient, and satisfying. In fact, it is from the greatest of rights that a woman has over her husband - greater even than him providing her with food. It has been said that a man must have sex with his wife at least once every four months. It has also been said that he must have sex with her according to her needs and his ability, just like

"I Related by Bukhaaree (5225), Ahmad (11616), At-Tirmidhee (1359), AnNassaaee (3955), Abu Daawood (3567), Ibn Maajah (2334), and AdDaarimee (2598).

he must feed her according to her needs and his ability. Of these two views, the latter is correct.”

Some Of The Etiquettes Of Sexual Intercourse

a) Before engaging in sexual intercourse, you should mention Allah’s Name. Ibn ‘Abbaas 4 and others related that the Messenger of Allah #¢ said,

“When one of you wants to go to his wife (to engage in sexual intercourse) and says, ‘In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep the devil away from us and keep the devil away from what You have blessed us with,’ then, if a child is decreed between them, Shaitaan will never harm him (that child).’" “‘Shaitaan will never harm him,” means Shaitaan will not be able to harm him in his body or his religion; this does not mean, however, that the child will be altogether protected from the Shaitaan’s whispers."

Related Issue: You should say the above-mentioned supplication before and not during sexual intercourse. This ruling is taken from the Prophet's saying, ‘When one of you wants to go to his wife.” This narration, which is related by Ibn ‘Abbaas }, explains the meaning of other narrations which apparently indicate that you should say the invocation during sex; this is one of those narrations: “If, when one of you came to your family and said, ‘In the name of Allah, O Allah...”1

b) It is recommended to cover your private areas (the private areas of a man include, according to most scholars, all that is

{1) Related by Bukhaaree (6388), Muslim (1434), Ahmad (1870), At-Tirmidhee (1092), Abu Daawood (2161), Ibn Maajah (1919), and Ad-Daarimee (2212).

5] Related by Bukhaaree (141).

Chapter - 21 The Manners Of Interacting With One’s Wife 463

between the knee and the naval) when you engage in sexual intercourse. This recommended course of action is based on a hadith related by Bahz Ibn Hakeem from his father, who related it from his father 2. Bahz’s grandfather 2 said, ‘I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, the private areas of our body - what of them may we come [forth] with and what of them should we leave?’ The Prophet # said,

“Preserve the private areas of your body (i.e., don’t let anyone see them) except from your wife or what your right hand owns (.e., any slaves you own).””

I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, if people are mixed together [all the time (i.e., if people are together all the time and it is difficult to keep some private body parts - such as one’s upper legs - hidden all the time)]?’ He # said,

“Tf you are able to make sure that no one sees them (the private areas of your body), then make sure that no one sees them.””

I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what about when one of us is alone (ie, in that case, may we keep some of our private areas exposed)?” He #% said,

“Allah is more deserving of [people being] shy of, Him than people [are deserving of others being shy of them].

The final sentence of this hadith suggests that it is better for two people who are engaging in sexual intercourse to cover themselves with a blanket or something similar. And Allah 3¢ knows best.

'1] Related by Ahmad (19530); At-Tirmidhee (2794), who said, “This hadith is Hasan”; Abu Daawood (4017), and in grading his narration, AlAlbaanee said, “Hasan”; and Ibn Maajah (1920).

c) If you already had sex with your wife, and you want to go back to her a second time, though you have not yet taken a shower, then it is recommended for you to first perform Wudoo (ablution). Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudree related that the Messenger of Allah #% said,

“When one of you comes to his wife (for sex) and then wants to return (for a second time), then let him [first] perform ablution (Wudoo).’44)

Related Issue: Some scholars have prohibited the practice known as Al’Azl, to ejaculate outside of a woman’s body, so that she does not become pregnant. Yet according to the schools of the four Imams, this practice is permissible if the woman gives her consent. And Allah 4 knows best.

7) The Prohibition Of Revealing The Details Of One’s Intimate, Conjugal Relations

It is deemed normal among some ignorant people for a man to divulge to his friends the secrets of his and his wife’s intimate bedroom relations. People who are afflicted with the disease of compounded ignorance - those who not only do wrong but think that they are doing right - say, “We are speaking not about illegal sex, but about lawful sex between a husband and his wife.” It should be said to them: True, to enjoy sexual relations with one’s wife is lawful in the Shariah, but to then speak about and describe those relations is forbidden in the Shariah. Furthermore, a person of sound mind and taste would feel disgusted at the notion of describing his sexual feats with his wife to any third party.