Part 73

“He is not a liar who makes peace between people, so that he increases goodness or speaks goodness.’"'!

A person is not sinning when he lies in order to make peace between two people; on the contrary, he is rewarded for trying to bring people closer together and to help remove rancor from their hearts. The Prophet #¢ said,

“Every joint of a person has Sadagah (charity) upon it. Every day upon which the sun rises, and in which one rules justly between two people, one is doing an act of Sadagah (charity)...””

And in another narration, the wording is,

“Between people,” instead of, “Between two people,"

Righteous people and people of knowledge are most worthy of making peace between people; it is a duty that they must not shirk, especially after they learn the great reward of living up to

14) The Prohibition Of Al-Mann (Reminding Others Of One's Generosity)

It is at once a sign of brotherhood and a boost to relationships for people to give gifts to one another. Weak souls give gifts too, but then they remind others of their generosity; and they do so either because they are miserly or because they are self-conceited. AlQurtubee said, “For the most part, a person who reminds others of his generosity is either miserly or self-conceited. A miserly

person inflates the value of the gift he gave, even if that gift is a trifling thing. The self-conceited person, who overestimates his self-worth in all issues, sees himself as the great benefactor of the person to whom he gave a gift.” Reminding people of one’s favors and generosity is Haram (prohibited), and the person who reminds others of his generosity is in grave danger; in fact, Imam Ahmad stated that reminding others of one’s generosity is one of the major sins. This sin is clearly prohibited in verses of the Quran and sayings of the Prophet #%; for example, Allah 46 said: “Those who spend their wealth in the Cause of Allah, and do not follow up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury...” (Quran 2:262)

And in the hadith of Abu Dharr 4, the Prophet 2 said, tls eS Va oily ths Vy catch gy Gt tise Y “As for three people, Allah will not speak to them on the Day of

Resurrection, nor will He look at them, nor will He purify them; and for them is a painful punishment.”

Abu Dharr # related that the Messenger of Allah #¢ repeated that three times, after which Abu Dharr # said, ‘They have failed and [truly] lost. Who are they, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet #¢ said,

“Al-Musbil (a person who allows his garment to hang below the level of his ankles), Al-Mannaan (a person who reminds others of his favors and of his generosity), and a person who promotes his piece of merchandise with a false oath.”")

"] Related by Muslim (106), Ahmad (20811), At-Tirmidhee (1211), AnNassaaee (2563), Abu Daawood (4087), Ibn Maajah (2208), and AdDaarimee (2605).

And in another hadith, which is related by ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr 4, the Prophet # said, (38 YL YG OE V5 SG Shi Yu We “A Mannaan (a person who reminds others of his favors and of his generosity), an ‘Aag (a person who is undutiful to his parents), and a person who is addicted to alcohol - none of these enters Paradise,"

15) Keeping A Secret And Not Spreading It

You can be entrusted with many things — for example, with the task of safekeeping wealth, of fulfilling a duty, or of preserving a secret. When a person divulges a secret, he betrays his trust, an action that is from the signs of the hypocrites. Abu Hurairah 2 reported that the Messenger of Allah #% said,

“The signs of the hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he promises, he breaks his promise; and when he is trusted, he betrays.’"71

Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah 4 related that the Prophet # said,

“When a man says something and then turns around (to make sure that no one is listening), then it (what he said) is a trust (ie., a secret that you must keep).’ “B]

Related by Ahmad (6501); An-Nassaaee (5672), and in grading his narration, Al-Albaanee said, “‘sahih’ (2541); and Ad-Daarimee (2093).

1 Related by Bukhaaree (33), Muslim (59), Ahmad (8470), At-Tirmidhee (2631), and An-Nassaaee (5021).

Related by At-Tirmidhee (1959), who said, “This hadith is Hasan’; by Abu Daawood (4868), and in grading his narration, Al-Albaanee said, “Hasan” (4075); and by Ahmad, who related it with a slightly different wording.

When you are entrusted with a secret, you may not reveal it to anyone, no matter how close a person is to you. The Prophet # made it clear that a secret is a trust and that it must be kept safe. Even if a person does not outright say, “This is a secret; don’t tell anyone about it,” but instead simply turns around to make sure no one is listening, you must treat what he says as a secret.

Thaabit related a hadith from Anas 4 in which the importance of keeping a secret becomes clear. Anas # said, “The Messenger of Allah # came to me while I was playing with other children. He # extended greetings of peace to us, and he then sent me on an errand; so I became delayed in returning to my mother. When I arrived [home], she % said, ‘What kept you?’ I said, ‘The Messenger of Allah 3 sent me on an errand.’ She % said, ‘What was his errand?” I said, ‘Verily, it is a secret.’ She % said, ‘Do not tell the Messenger of Allah’s secret to anyone.” After relating this hadith, Anas # said to Thaabit, “By Allah, were I to tell it to anyone, I would have told it to you, O Thaabit.” Bukhaaree related it with this wording, ‘The Prophet #% confided a secret to me, and since that time, I have never told it to anyone. Umm Sulaim asked me to [reveal it to her], but I didn’t tell it to her.”

16) The Evilness Of Being A Person Of Two Faces The Prophet aad said,

“You will find that among the most evil of people with Allah (i.e., among the most evil of people in the judgment of Allah) on the Day of Resurrection is he who is two-faced: who goes to these (a group of people) with one face, and to these (another group of people) with [another] face.)

Al-Qurtubee said, “A two-faced person is regarded as so evil {) Related by Muslim (2482), Bukhaaree (6289), and Ahmad (11649).

1 Related by Bukhaaree (6058), Muslim (2526), Ahmad (7296), At-Tirmidhee (2025), Abu Daawood (4872), and Maalik (1864).

because he is like a hypocrite; he sweetly talks with falsehood and lies, and he sows dissension among people.” An-Nawawee said, “A two-faced person is one who goes to each group with what pleases it, giving the appearance that he is from it and opposed to its counterpart (or enemy). His action is pure hypocrisy, lying, deception, and trickery... But if a person goes to two groups in order to make peace between them, then he is doing something that is praiseworthy.” Others have said, “The difference is that a two-faced person praises the group he is with and finds fault with the other group, and he does the same when he is in the company of the other group. On the other hand, the praiseworthy person goes to each of the two groups with words of reconciliation, finding excuses for one group while he is with the other, trying to convey good points of the other group while hiding their faults.’""!

Chapter - 21 The Manners Of Interacting With One's Wife 451

The Manners Of Interacting With One’s Wife

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable’”’ (Quran 2:228)

A man asked the Prophet #%, “What right does a woman have over her husband?” He # said,

VB By2555 kab 13) Yegbb “He should feed her when he eats and clothe her when he clothes himself (i.e., purchase clothes for her); he must not strike her face,

nor must he curse her or say hurtful words to her; and he should not forsake her except in their home."

The Manners Of Dealing With One’s Wife

1) It Is Sunnah To Marry, And One Is Encouraged In The Shariah To Marry Since Allah 3 made it the nature of man to desire woman and of woman to desire man, the Shariah directs the energy of that desire to a lawful institution - marriage, through which people preserve their lineages and control their whims, so that they do not become like beasts - one climbing any and every member of the opposite gender. The Prophet #% encouraged people to marry

1) Related by Ahmad (19511); by Abu Daawood (2142), and in grading his narration, Al-Albaanee said, “Hasan sahih"’; and by Ibn Maajah (1850).

The Book Of Manners

and enumerated some of its benefits in this hadith:

cael abl SB gs etl (Xe Gl this yh jhe Wes J Sb pill led ess I 235 ppl Gals

“O group of youth: whosoever from you is able to afford the dowry (and other marriage expenses), then let him get married,

for that is more chaste for his eye (i.e., it will help him to avert his

gaze) and more safe for his private part (i.e., a married person is better able to protect his private part from unlawful acts, because he can vent his desires through lawful means). And whosoever is not able, then upon him is fasting, for indeed, that is Wijaa (protection from falling into error) for him.”

A narration related by Anas Ibn Maalik # describes how three people reacted when they learned about the Messenger’s worship. They seemed to think little of his worship, for they went to an extreme, forbidding upon themselves matters that Allah 3 made permissible - one of them pledged not to marry. een be them, the Messenger of Allah ah #8 said,

“You are the ones who said such and such. By Allah, I indeed have more Khasyah (greatest level of fear) of Allah than any of you, and I have more Taqwa (fear of Allah, piety, righteousness) of Allah than any of you, yet I fast and break my fast (i.e., some days I don’t fast); I pray and I sleep; and I marry women. So whosoever among you turns away from my Sunnah, then he is