Part 6

Luqman was a wise man whose insight was bestowed upon him by Allah. He taught this wisdom to his son for his benefit in this world and the world to come. Understandably, priority was given to teaching tawhid and warning against polytheism, since this is the foundation of the Islamic creed. Following one’s duty to Allah, he enjoined kindness and obedience to parents. This ingredient is critical in terms of parenting, for it eases the task when children assimilate this principle into their personalities.

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After informing him of the rights due to Allah and parents through the expression of gratefulness, Luqman reminds his son of the awareness of Allah (4) in all matters, public and private:

[yn soled] 4O 55 GH HG, ily ok SY €O my son, indeed if it [a wrong] should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in

the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and

Allah is aware of all that we do and for this reason we should have fear of Allah. We should also be cautious about taking sins lightly. The obligation of performing prayer and observing it perfectly is then mentioned. He encouraged his son to enjoin right conduct and forbid wrongdoing, to be patient over what comes to pass, and to avoid arrogance and boasting.

‘These few verses contain an abundance of wisdom for parents. From this, parents can delineate the important goals for their children:

“+ Belief (eem4n) in Allah with pure tawhid and avoidance of associating partners with Allah

“* Kindness, respect and obedience toward parents

* Fear of Allah and awareness of His all-encompassing presence

Establishment of prayer, on time and in the correct manner

+ Enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong

Bearing life with patience

* Moderation and avoidance of extremes

In addition to these, the following may be added: “+ Strength in belief and faith

46 The responsibility of parenting

“* Attachment to the Qur’an and authentic hadiths “+ Love of and sincerity to Allah, His Messenger, and His Book

Kindness, mercy and good character towards all people

+ Concern for the affairs of all Muslims (aid them, fulfil their rights) “* Inviting others to Allah and Islam “* Pride in being Muslim

Associated personality characteristics that would be desirable include the following:

Self-confident and with positive self-esteem

Persistent, hard-working Capable and skilful * Content and satisfied

“ Honest and trustworthy “* Courageous “ Leader

The foundation of these goals is the development of ‘ageedah, eeman and fear of Allah. In essence, the individual develops an Islamic personality and an Islamic identity. This becomes the centre of the heart and soul. All effort will be put forward to live a life of Islam, eemAn, and ihsan. True success will then be achieved in this life and the hereafter. In the end, the supreme goal for both parents and children is paradise.

Chapter 3 The Basics of Parenting

Beiore addressing the core elements of nurturing eeman in children, it will be valuable to discuss some of the basics of parenting to lay the foundation. The following section will cover the importance of the marital relationship and its relation to parenting, gender roles, and the role of motherhood and fatherhood. It also discusses the need for parents to nurture their own eemén, and to be aware of the basic rights of the child (duties of parents), the basic rights of parents (duties of the child), and the importance of breastfeeding, bonding, and early attachment. It concludes with precious advice on praying for a righteous child.

The importance of the marital relationship

And of His signs is that He created from yourselves mates for you, that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed affection and mercy between you. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give The family is probably the most important institution within society as it is the building block of the overall structure. For this reason, many mules are present in Islamic law to guarantee * preservation of this essential unit. Within the family, the marital relationship is the centre around which all other elements revolve. If this centre is operating smoothly and harmoniously, then it is likely that the rest of the system will also be in balance. When there is

48 The basics of parenting

disruption or discord, the whole system will malfunction. A strong marriage leads to a properly functioning family and, in turn, a solid foundation for society.

As an act of worship, both husband and wife should make the intention to please Allah during this process and act in accordance with His laws. The couple should focus on growing together in obedience and love of Allah, and should seek Islamic knowledge for the goal of developing eeman and fear of Allah in their hearts. Their lives and life decisions should be based upon the teachings of the Noble Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (34s), and their children should be nurtured in such a rich environment.

" Bukhari ? A reliable hadith narrated by At-Tabarani

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Throughout the marriage, kind and considerate treatment of the other spouse and fulfilment of duties are the minimum requirements.

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The relationship should be one of mutuality, interdependence, cooperation and compromise for the sake of Allah, while celebrating the differences that Allah has created. In essence, both halves of the pair need to be focused on caring for and meeting the needs of his or her partner. The happiness of the other partner should always be placed above one’s own will or desires. Through these efforts, the couple will find repose and harmony in each other’s company.

> Bukhari and Muslim * A reliable hadith narrated by Al-Tirmidhi

50 The basics of parenting

Marriage is a blessing, but it can also be a test from Allah, the Exalted, the Almighty. Marriage requires empathy, commitment, understanding, forgiveness, and humility. At times, there will need to * be sacrifices made and a degree of flexibility and compromise. Spouses should be patient with each other and accept one another’s faults and weaknesses. If one spouse does something contrary to Islam, it is the duty of the other to provide sound advice and guide him or her back to the truth. When problems arise, the couple should discuss possible solutions in an appropriate manner. Each must place his or her trust in Allah, seek to achieve the best in His way, and rely upon Allah’s guidance and judgment in all affairs.

In relation to parenting, the couple must work on strengthening their marriage for sake of their children. If marriage is the centre of the family, it only makes sense that effort is exerted to fortify and enrich this relationship. The couple should understand their marital responsibilities and rights from an Islamic perspective and seek to fulfil these to the best of their ability. They should acquire knowledge of parenting from an Islamic perspective as well as information related to practical matters (for example, discipline, development, and health). It would be particularly advisable to have discussions related to various discipline techniques and agreement on procedures that will be implemented. This will result in more effective, predictable and conflict-free parenting.

It is important to understand that the husband and wife present models of married life to their children, as well as models of parenting. This modelling has a major influence upon the beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours of a developing child. Children, in fact, learn more by observing others than by what they are told. For this reason, parents should be particularly careful about how they interact when in the presence of their children. Research shows, for example,

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that conflict between husband and wife has many negative effects upon children. Marital conflict should be avoided in front of the children, and models should instead be provided of dialogue, compromise, and patience. Consultation, fairness, reasonableness, and equanimity are essential ingredients for a harmonious family unit.

From an Islamic perspective, men and women have the same spiritual nature and are both given the responsibility as trustees of Islam on earth. As such, they have the same religious duties and responsibilities. They will both be held accountable on the Day of Judgment for their beliefs and actions in this world. There is no superiority of one gender over the other. Superiority as a construct is actually measured in terms of righteousness and piety. Allah (4) says in the Qur’an,