Part 8

“% The right to love and affection

Children have psychological needs that must be met. These include love, affection, mercy and companionship. It is a basic role of parenting to fulfil these needs through kisses, hugs, kind words and time spent together. This is critical for effective parenting and discipline.

*¢ The right to paternity and inheritance

Every child has right to know his or her lineage and parents. It is for this reason that the sanctity of the marital bond is so protected and the introduction of foreign reproductive material forbidden. It is

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“% The right to proper education

The foundation of education is moral and religious training since this is the most important kind of education (as discussed in the next chapter). This entails proper Islamic education in order to build ‘aqeedah, tawhid, and eeman. Worldly knowledge and information must also be provided in the appropriate proportion. The growth of a child’s personality and potential is dependent upon proper education.

Basic rights of parents (Duties of the child)

The child also has duties that become the rights of the parents: “ The right to be respected and obeyed

Parents generally give orders and instructions that are in the best interest of children. It is thus the duty of children to respect and obey their parents in all matters. They should not question this authority or follow their own desires in defiance of their parents. This is, of course, overruled if the parents request the child to perform an act of disobedience to Allah.

“ The right to reprimand and rebuke

8 ‘Adoption’ here refers to the practice of changing the child’s family name to match the name of the family in which s/he is to be raised and erasing all evidence that the child has his or her own biological heritage, and should not be taken to mean that Islam forbids families to bring orphans up with the same love and treatment that they accord their own biological children. On the contrary, according to a sound hadith, raising an orphan in kindness and equity is considered to be a highly praiseworthy act, whose reward is paradise. To that end, the advice in this book should be taken to heart by foster parents as well. (Editor)

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It is the obligation of parents to protect their children from harm. If a child is tempted to act in a harmful way, it is the duty of parents to prevent him or her from that behaviour. If necessary, they may resort to advising, rebuking, or reprimanding. The child should not reply rudely or argue with the parents. Parental advice should be listened to and acted upon, even if it is against the child’s wishes.

% The right to kind words and Bood be behaviour

€And We have enjoined upon the human, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him in weakness and hardship and gave birth to him in weakness and hardship, and his gestation and weaning healt tice BE a hey Sass 0 VOLE TS ep

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] ‘uff’, and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.} (Quran 17: 23)

These Qur’anic verses urge children to be soft-spoken to parents and to show them respect and kindness. They must not forget the favours and sacrifices of their parents, but rather repay them with gentle words and kindness. This entails patience, compassion, gratitude, and humility.

“* The right to be helped

Children are required to help their parents in household chores and other responsibilities as they are able. They may, for example,

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assist with the care of younger siblings. As parents age, help may be offered in other areas as well.

“ The right to be looked after

Grown-up children must repay their parents by caring for them in their old age. This involves looking after their physical and financial needs, as well as psychological and companionship needs. As their parents looked after them during their stage of weakness, so must children reciprocate by taking care of their parents during the weakness of old age. This must be realized with equity, generosity, and ihsan.

The importance of breastfeeding, bonding, and early attachment

Cyyy saat] Mothers may nurse [breastfeed] their children two complete years

for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]...

Breastfeeding is a natural extension of pregnancy and research has repeatedly demonstrated that it is the superior way to feed a baby. In addition to the varied and undisputed physical benefits, breastfeeding also offers psychological and emotional benefits for the both mother and baby. This primarily occurs through a process known as bonding or attachment, an important factor in the groundwork of parenting. It is for these reasons that breastfeeding is so strongly encouraged in Islam. It is, in fact, an important right of the infant.

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The days and weeks after birth are a sensitive period in which mothers and babies are uniquely primed to want to be close to one another. The close attachment after birth and beyond allows the natural, attachment-promoting behaviours of the infant and the intuitive, care-giving qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most needy and the mother is most ready to nurture. Breastfeeding and the closeness that accompanies it play an important role in this process.

The key benefit of attachment is that the baby develops trust in the caregiver and other adults in his or her world. S/he trusts that his or her needs will be met and that the world is a safe place. S/he also trusts that his or her language (crying) is being listened to and thus trusts in his or her own ability to give cues. The relationship between mother and baby becomes synchronous and harmonious as baby gives cues and mother responds appropriately.

The job of parenting becomes easier due to this synchronicity and the trust of the infant. With a strong connection through bonding and attachment, the parent-child relationship becomes more natural and enjoyable. Attachment parenting also assists the child in developing independence, since it encourages the right balance between dependence and independence. Because the connected child trusts his or her parents to help him or her feel safe, s/he is more likely to feel secure exploring his or her surrounding environment. For example, studies have shown that toddlers who have a secure attachment to their mother tend to adapt more easily to new play situations and to play more independently than less attached toddlers. ‘Early bonding and attachment have positive implications for the development of the parent-child relationship as the child grows and develops. These benefits are carried over into early and middle childhood, leading to easier discipline and parenting. Research has

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demonstrated the important role of the parent-child relationship in effective discipline.

Praying for a righteous child

Muslim parents must continually make supplication for their children. Allah (4%) mentions, And those who say: Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes, and make us a leader [i.e., an example]

Parents should pray for their children to be pious and righteous and the comfort of their eyes. They will then be a source of happiness due to their righteousness. Rewards will be bestowed upon the parents for their supplication and the effort that was exerted to raise their children in Islam.

The prophets themselves made supplication for their children. Prophet Zakariyya (3) supplicated,

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Chapter 4 Knowledge and Education in Islam

The importance of knowledge

Knowledge and the seeking of knowledge guide us to that which is true in life-to the straight path. Without the necessary knowledge, our journey through life will not be very successful. The importance of this is emphasized frequently in the Qur’an and the Hadith. Allah (42) mentions,

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4... Only those fear Allah, from among His servants, who have

Bisa 3 (ey 15 Sil]

€And these examples We present to the people, but none will understand them except those of knowledge.) (Quran 29: 43)