Part 19

Nowadays, one person may even slaughter up to forty or fifty sheep for the wedding party. They may also even slaughter a camel along with that, not to mention the rice, fruits, sweets, gifts and other things that are also involved. Many times, those people who were invited do not come and the meat is left as it was, uneaten, and therefore it is thrown into the garbage while the poor and needy are in great need of extending a hand of help to them as their stomachs are left empty. Allah indeed is the only one who may be turned to for rescue [from this plight].1

Another custom that one commonly finds in wedding feasts and parties is what is known as al-nithaar. This is where money, almonds, sugar or sweets are flung out to people during the wedding or at other times. It is disliked to do this act during weddings or at other times. It causes people to jostle and swarm after these things and for them to do such is truly demeaning and embarrassing. Furthermore, some people will get those things and others will be left empty-handed. Therefore, it is preferred not to perform this practice.?

' From the good things that can remedy this evil is the existence of charitable

institutions that will come and pick up the surplus food and distribute it to those

who are deserving of it. First, one should not prepare more food than what is needed.

If there is more food than what is needed, it should be given to these charitable

institutions in order to preserve this bounty of food and to use it in the proper way. Al-Mughni by ibn Qu ah, vol. 10, p. 208, issue #1221,

The Fight of Marriage

Chapter Four Congratulations upon Marriage ant Supplications for the Spouse

The Wisdom behind the Sanctioning of Congratulations

One of the excellent aspects of Islamic law is the congratulating of a Muslim by his Muslim brother whenever something good happens to him and prayers for blessings, continuance of the blessing and the giving of thanks for such blessings. For that reason, the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to pray for blessings, prolonged guidance and a long time of happiness and being together for the newly married couple.

What the Congratulating Person should Say to His Brother

Abu Hurairah narrated that when the Prophet (peace be upon him) wanted to express marital harmony for the one who got married, he would say,

‘The Figh of Marriage

“Allah’s blessing for you and blessings upon you. May you be joined together in goodness.” Recorded by the five! save al-Nasaai. AlTirmidhi graded it sahih.?

It is an imperative on the Muslim to follow the Prophet (peace be upon him) in his example and invoke blessings and pray for a good marriage for his brother Muslims. He should follow the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and it is not allowed for him to avoid using those words and instead use the expression that is commonly found among some people today when they congratulate others on their marriage, “Live in harmony and beget sons.” This is an objectionable custom and it must be fought.

This disgraceful erroneous act and evil custom was widespread during the Days of Ignorance. It is the congratulations of the times of ignorance. It has now become a slogan and supplication that people use while blessing and congratulating others on marriage. The reason for this is simply ignorance of the rules of the religion and being separated from the guidance of the best of messengers (peace be upon him).

Perhaps the wisdom behind the prohibition of using this expression, in supplicating for the newlywed that he live in harmony and beget sons, is to differ from the ways of the people of Ignorance who used to use that supplication and since it contains a supplication for sons and not daughters. Furthermore, it is void of any supplication for the two spouses. Finally, it contains no mention of the name of Allah, praise for Him and gratitude that is becoming of Him. Therefore, we should restrict ourselves to the words coming from the Prophet (peace be upon him), that combine the qualities of goodness and the different aspects of supplications, praise and remembrance.

1 {This is a reference to Abu Dawood, al-Nasaai, al-Tirmidhi, ibn Maajah and mad.—J. Shmade Abi Dawood (#2130); Sunan al-Tirmidbi (#1091), the Book of Marriage, Chapter on what is to be said to the newlywed; Sunan ibn Maajab (#1905), Book of Martiage, Chapter on congratulations for marriage; A/-Afusnad by Imam Ahmad. It is qsabib hadith. Masra al-Shirk wa al-Khuraafah by Khaalid Muhammad Ali al-Haaj, p. 385 (published by Jdaarah al-Shu’oon al-Deeniyah, Qatar, 1398 AH).

‘The Figh of Marriage

The “honeymoon” is also among the objectionable customs and evil phenomena. It is something that was unknown in Islamic societies in the past. This is where the newlyweds, before or after consummation, travel together to some other city or country to live together in one of the hotels of that city or country.

It is from the evil customs that has crept into Muslim societies. It has become a blindly imitated custom that is geared to the evildoers and ignorant people no mater what its circumstances and events. Traveling to the lands of polytheism and disbelief [as is customarily done by Muslims when they go on honeymoons] is forbidden. The honeymoon, as they call it, is not something that would permit such a trip. There is no necessity or need involved. Many of the things that people involved in honeymoons and ignorant people do are not permissible. In fact, this action increases evil for it combines multiple evils and a great temptation and trial. It has greatly negative effects both on the husband and the wife. The husband may be affected by the customs and ways of those [disbelieving] people and this may lead him to have disdain for his religion and noble customs and inherited values. Those people may even be afflicted with a punishment [from Allah] that may also afflict him [since he is in their midst]. He may even be afflicted with a disease, plague and so forth because of their misfortune.

Similarly, the wife can be affected by the customs and culture of the disbelieving people. She then discards the cord of the religion and the crown of modesty and dignity. She then has disdain for the customs of her land and the ways of the women of her people. She is then swept away by the torrent of open lewdness, freedom from religion and public exposure. We cannot find any explanation for what is going on except the blind following of those people who have strayed from the straight path and are not from the people who follow this religion. We ask Allah for safety and well-being.

The Figh of Marriage

Chanter Five A Warning and a Cure as | See It

I have shown you some— not all— of the evil customs and objectionable phenomena resulting from the Muslims blindly following others in matters related to the family.

If only the Muslims would be following the others in the permissible matters related to those actions— even though then the Muslims would still be contaminated by the disease of imitating [the disbelievers], which a Muslim must do his best to be cautious about and protect himself from. However, they have gone beyond that into imitating them in many things that are forbidden and practices that go against the rules and etiquette of Islam, as the Muslim households depart from the beautiful customs and fine practices that are in accordance with Islamic law and produce what is most beneficial.

We have seen examples of this kind of imitation in many areas, such that it reaches all sectors of society in a most astonishing fashion throughout many Muslim countries. For example, during the period of engagement, the man and woman are left free to be alone, go on trips together, go out for strolls, call each other on the phone and meet with each other with the claim that it is giving them a chance to know each other and to understand each other’s character and other flimsy excuses for such acts. Similar to that is the custom of the man and woman wearing engagement rings. Although it is sanctioned for a woman to wear gold and other jewelry, how is it permissible for a man to wear a gold ring on the occasion of his engagement or marriage? Explicit hadith have stated such is forbidden for men.

The phenomenon of this blind imitation exhausts the husband with the burdens of the dower, gifts— and other burdens of having a big wedding party in amusement places, hotels, large tents and so on. |Furthermore, the parties include many] forbidden acts related to extravagance, lavishness, lewdness and so on. [This is all in addition] to

The Figh of Marriage

the other evil practices and purposeless phenomena that were mentioned, including the honeymoon and other things. It is a must upon us to seek a cure to these happenings whose ultimate outcomes are expected to be nothing but dangerous.

In my view, the practical method to improve the situation of the Muslims conceming these matters and to remedy these and other problems must begin with the following: It must begin with the callers to Islam, leaders of society, thinkers and reformers in all of their different areas of expertise. They must fulfill their obligation in the proper manner by guiding people to what is right, showing what is correct, refuting what is false, ordering good and preventing evil. They must make the realities clear and expose the harm of these customs. They must eradicate these evils and sincerely advise the leaders of the Muslims and the general masses. They must call them to adhere to the guidance of Islam and act upon it openly and privately. They must tie this thought into practical action so that the ordering of good and preventing of evil is not simply an idea that has no practical role in the lives of man other than that they are theoretically convinced by it. Those people who are responsible [for weddings and so forth] must have fear of Allah with respect to their sons and daughters and fulfill their responsibilities in the proper manner.

‘The Figh of Marriage

Chapter Six: Etiquette of the Wedding Night and Marital Relations:

This chapter is a concise discussion explaining what every newlywed must or should do on the wedding night. It also explains some of the etiquette related to sexual relations between the spouses.

Etiquette Related to the Wedding Night and Consummation

The following aspects are recommended when the man is about to consummate the marriage: