Part 7

(4) Many of the children then begin to disobey their fathers and mothers and refuse to abide by the good customs and morals that have been passed down.

(5) The guardian betrays his ward by refusing to marry her to one who is pious and qualified but whom he believes will not pay a large dower. He refuses that person out of hopes that he will find someone who will pay a larger dower even though his religion and character is not pleasing. He is not working for the happiness of the woman he is in charge of. In addition to this being a type of deception or betrayal, he is leaving that woman in suspense. If he does that often, he must be considered an evil doer, lacking in faith, who is not considered trustworthy until he repents.

(6) Burdening the husband beyond what he can bear [by such exorbitant dowers] produces a hatred in his heart for his wife since his material means are now very limited due to her. The goal of marriage is happiness and not this unhappiness [that is produced by such dowers].!

Now that the causes of exorbitant dowers and their painful consequences have been made clear, we must clarify the ruling of such dowers and what the scholars have said about them.

' Al-Zawaaj wa al-Muboor, pp. 57-58; Min Qahaaya al-Zawaaj, pp. 71-72.

‘The Figh of Marriage

The Ruling Concerning Exorbitant Dowers

Among the scholars, there are three opinions on this issue: (1) Exorbitant dowers are permissible.

(2) Exorbitant dowers are not permissible.

(3) Different cases need to be discussed separately.

The First Opinion: The first opinion states that exorbitant dowers are permissible. An evidence for this view is the following verse of the Quran,

“Tf you have given one of them a great amount [gintaar], do not take any of it back” (al-Nisaa 20). While commenting on this verse, ibn Katheer stated, “In this verse there is an indication that it is allowed to give a great deal of wealth as a dower.”! Al-Qurtubi said in his commentary, “This verse is evidence that it is allowed to be exorbitant in dowers as Allah does not give as an example except what is permissible.”?

In a_ public address, Umar stated, “Listen! Do not become exorbitant when it comes to the dowers of women. Verily, if such a thing were noble in this world or an act of obedience to Allah, the first one to demand such would be the Prophet (peace be upon him). However, the Prophet (peace be upon him) never gave in dower to his wives or asked for dower for his daughters anything in excess of twelve augiyah.” A woman stood up to him and said, “O Umar, Allah has given us and you forbid us. Didn’t Allah say in the Quran, ‘ If you have given one of them a great amount [gintaar], do not take any of it back’ [al-Nisaa 20}?” Then Umar said, “A woman is correct and Umar is mistaken.” Then he stopped his prohibiting them.

“The dower, according to the shareeah, is a gift and offering. Thus, it has no prescribed limit. People differ with respect to being rich

' Tafseer al-Quran al-Adbeem by Abu al-Fidaa ibn Katheer, vol. 1, p. 466 (Daar Ihyaa al-Kutub al-I!miyah, third edition, 1375 A.H.). -Jaami li-Abkaam al-Quran by al-Qurtubi, vol. 5, pp. 99-100.

‘The Figh of Marriage

or poor. So the shareeah has left everyone to set its limit according to their ability.”

The Second Opinion: The second opinion is that it is not allowed to have exorbitant dowers. The followers of this view reply to the verse that was used as evidence by the people of the first opinion by saying that the verse is irrelevant to this issue for the following reasons:

First, the example of a qintaar [a large amount of wealth] is only an exaggerated method to stress the point that even if one had given them a great deal of wealth, he cannot take back any portion of it. It is similar in vein to the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) statement,

“For whoever builds a mosque for the sake of Allah the size of a grouse’s nest, Allah will build for him a house in Paradise.”? “But there cannot be a mosque the size of a grouse’s nest.”

Second, it is not necessary that when one thing is stated as a conditional aspect for something else that the first thing is in itself permissible. Allah’s saying, “You had given them,” does not indicate that it is permissible to give such an amount. It is like the Prophet’s statement,

Oi oy Sh ee Tiss “If someone has a relative killed, he has two choices: either he can be paid the blood money or he may exact retribution.”* Furthermore, the most that one can say about this verse is that it allows the one who has the ability to pay a large dower to pay sucha dower. However, it does not mean that the one who does not have such

1 Tafseer Ayaat al-Abkaam by al-Saabooni, vol. 1, p. 453, first edition, 1391 .H./1972, Damascus. Recorded by ibn Maajah (#738) and ibn Khuzaimah (#1292) on the authority of bir ibn Abdullah. Al-Boosairi said, "Its chain is sabib." 74h -Jaami li-Abkaam al-Quran by al Qurtubi, vol. 5, -101. * Recorded by al-Bukhari (#6880), Muslim Cate ‘Abu Dawood (#4505), alNasaai (vol. 8, p. 38) and al-Baihagi in al-Sunan alKubra (vol. 8, p. 52).

The Figh of Marriage

ability may be forced to pay that amount. This is indicated by the Prophet (peace be upon him) objecting to Abu Hadrad al-Aslami when he came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) to seek assistance in paying the dower of his wife. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) asked him, “What is the amount of her dower?” He said, “Two hundred dirhams.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) then said, “If you were to dig out [the silver] in the valley of Bathaan, you would not exceed that amount.” Recorded by al-Haakim who said that its chain is sahih although al-Bukhari and Muslim did not record it. Al-Dhahabi concurred with his assessment.'

He also objected to the woman from the Ansar who got married with the dower being four awaag [of silver] as that was not appropriate for her situation. Muslim recorded in his Sahih? from Abu Hurairah who said: A man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and said, “I am getting married to a woman from the Ansar.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said to him, “Have you taken a look at her for in the eyes of the Ansaar there is something (unpleasant for those not used to it]?” He said, “I have taken a look at her.” He then said, “What was the amount [of the dower] for the marriage?” He replied, “Four ugiyas.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) then said to him, “With four ugiyas? It is as if you dig out silver from the side of this mountain [and that is how you plan on paying this great amount]. We do not have anything we can give you. However, we may send you ona military expedition and you may end up getting something [that is, some booty].” The Prophet (peace be upon him) sent an expedition to Banu Abs and he sent that man along with them.

Al-Nawawi wrote in his commentary to Sahih Muslim, “The meaning of those words is the disapproval of increasing the dower telative to the situation of the husband.”

As for the story wherein Umar prohibits exorbitant dowers and then the woman refutes what he stated, although it is very famous and spread among the people, all of its chains are questionable and many

3 Al-Mustadrak ala al-Saheebain by al-Haakim al-Naisaboori, vol. 2, p. 178.

No. 1424, The Book of Marriage, Chapter on looking at the face and hands of the oman one desires to wed.

Sharh Sabeeh Muslim by al-Nawawi, vol. 9, p. 210.

‘The Figh of Marriage

scholars have doubted it. It should be noted that it is not recorded in any source work that dates from close to the time of Umar. Furthermore, it is not recorded in the many relied upon source works of hadith. The four companions of the Sunan works [Abu Dawood, al-Nasaai, al-Tirmidhi and ibn Maajah] all avoided recording it. Many of the leading scholars of hadith, those who recorded Umar’s prohibition of exorbitant dowers, only record the portion where Umar speaks about the dowers related to the Prophet (peace be upon him) [and they do not mention anything of the rest of the story concerning that woman].

In Ahkaam al-Quran,! Abu Bakr ibn al-Arabi clearly stated that the well-established and known narration from Umar is that in which no woman objects to what he stated.

Furthermore, the hadith, as recorded by the compilers of the Sunan who did not mention the story of the woman, has been narrated through al-Ajfaa ibn Naseeb and _ his hadith are not founded and some say that there is some doubt about him.?

Some record a narration that contradicts the narration that states that a woman refuted Umar with the verse she quoted. Some, instead of having a woman rebut Umar, have the additional words, that were mentioned earlier, “A man goes to such an extreme in getting a dower for his wife that there develops an enmity for her in him, and he says, ‘I burdened myself [to the point of even providing] the rope of the waterskin for you.’””3

2 Tabdbeeb al-Tabdbeeb by ibn Hajr al-Asqilaani, vol. 14, p. 165, #790. [It is not clear to. this translator the point the author is trying to make here. Earlier, he stated in a footnote that the narration from Umar is confirmed and authentic. The questionable aspect is the additional portion, narrated by some, in which a woman confronted Umar concerning what he had said. The paragraph above does nothing to support the contention that the additional portion is not authentic, as the author has stated and shall continue to demonstrate. ‘Allah knows best —JZ]

Recorded by Abu Dawood (#2106) in the Book of Marriage, Chapter on the dower; al-Tirmidhi (#1114) in the Book of Marriage, Chapter on what has been related concerning the dower of women; al-Nasaai (vol. 6, p. 117) in the Book of Marriage, Chapter on being just in the dowers, and the wording above is from him; ibn Maajah ie 887); Ahmad in al-Musnad (#285, 278, 340); and al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak vol. 2, p. 175). It is a narration that is confirmed and authentic.

‘The Fig of Marriage

Al-Albaani discusses in Irwaa al-Ghaleel' the authenticity of the story of Umar prohibiting exorbitant dowers. He stated,