Part 2

For those and other noble purposes, the value of the dower over the years was always something simple and easy upon the people. It was always something that was available at that time, place and environment. However, when the level of faith decreased, customs began to dominate the people and the people became richer; consequently, modern-day civilizations became filled with matters that never existed before. The people invented innovations and evil practices that have no tie with Islam whatsoever, nor with their blood or reasoning.

Among those innovations and evil new practices are some of the things that take place during the proposal stage, such as the man and woman being alone together, the wearing of engagement rings and very expensive dowers with all of the societal problems that such dowers have caused. Things might even change before the proposal is completed.

Among those innovations are also what occurs at the time of the wedding: extravagance, pomp and boasting over the wedding party and dinners, announcing the wedding according to customs that are improper, such as with singing and dancing, honeymoons and so forth.

The reader shall find in this book, by the help of Allah, details concerning all of those phenomena and their cures in the light of the Quran, sunnah and statements of the scholars, past and present, based on evidence, ending with the strongest opinion and the reason it is the strongest.

In order for the key aspects of this book to be clear and to bring forth its benefits in the best way, I decided to arrange the book in the following manner:

First: The dower— the reader will find the details of its figh rulings in their proper places in the book.

The Figh of Marriage

Second: Announcing the wedding— its meaning, how it is to be done and related matters.

Third: The wedding dinner— and the customs that have been tied into it as well as a detailed fiqh discussion of many issues related to this topic.

Fourth: Giving congratulations upon a marriage— its ruling and how it is to be done as well as customs and negative aspects that have been related to it.

Fifth: A message concerning a problem and its cure.

Sixth: Manners concerning the wedding night and marital relations.

Seventh: The rights of spouses.

It is hoped that the benefit of this work will be general. And Allah is the guide to the straight path.

The Figh of Marriage

Chanter One The Dower and Related Fiqh Issues

The Types of Rights of the Wife Upon Her Husband

The wife has specific rights upon her husband that are the result of a sound marriage contract. Some of the rights are material rights while others are non-material.!

From the material rights of the woman is the dower (al-sadaaq Grail), It is also called “al-mahr (,4\\ the dower), al-nihlah (a3) the gift), al-fareedhah (4,4), the obligation), al-hibaa (c+ the gift), al-ajr (—\! the compensation), al-igr (40| the payment), al-alaaig (5/4 the bond), al-sadagah (43.2) the charity), al-taul (J | bounty or gift), alkharas (.-4 feast), and al-nikaah (<3) marriage).”?

The reason it is called al-sadaag “is because one feels the husband’s sincerity in wanting to marry that woman.’ In the laws before us, the guardians would receive the dower.”4

The Lexical Meaning of a/-Sadaagq (the dower)

The sadaag— it is better known as sadaag than sidaag— is an exchange. It is said that it is an honoring for the wife. The plural is

2 These shall be discussed, by the help of Allah, in the discussion of spousal rights. Haashiyataa Qalyoobi wa Umairab ala Sharh Minhaaj al-Taalibeen, vol. 10, p.

75. [The words al-sadaag (dower) and sidg (sincerity) came from the same three {etter stem. That is why the author stated the boven JY]

Subul al-Salaam, vol. 3, p. 311.

‘The Figh of Marriage

“asdiqah for small plurals (from three in number to ten) and sudug for larger numbers.”!

What Requires the Giving of the Dower

The term sadaaq or mahr applies to everything that is required to be paid due to a [marriage] contract, sexual intercourse, or in the case of forced separation, such as due to having the same breastfeeding mother or the witnesses taking back their statements.

Technical Definition of Dower

As a technical, legal term, the dower is defined as, “something given in exchange for marriage or something similar, be it required by the judge or by agreement among the two parties.”

The Wisdom behind Instituting the Dower

Islam has legislated the giving of the dower by the husband to the wife in order to make the woman’s heart pleased and to honor her. It is also meant to bring an end to what was done in the Days of Ignorance wherein she was wronged, exploited, despised and robbed of her wealth. The dower is a right exclusively for the wife. It is her possession and none of her guardians or relatives share any part of it. No one has any power over her concerning how she wishes to dispose of it, as long as she does so in a legally acceptable manner. She may give it away as a gift, she may lend it to others or she may give it in charity or do any other permissible acts she wishes with it.

The dower was instituted because the goal of marriage is not the actual act [of the marriage contract in] itself. In fact, the actual purpose of marriage cannot be achieved unless the spouses stay ina state of marriage. However, that may not be achieved unless the dower is an

1 ApRaud al-Muraba Sharh Zaad al-Mustaqni bi-Haashiyah ibn Qaasit, vol. 6,

‘The Figh of Marriage

obligation at the time of the marriage contract itself. In this case, when there come times that may lead the man to divorce his wife, such as estrangement or coarse behavior, the husband would not be willing to divorce his wife due to just the slightest act of rudeness that occurs. If it were not for the dower that was required due to the contract itself, it would be very easy for him to leave her. Therefore, the goals of marriage would not be met as the goals and benefits of marriage are only met when the two are in accord and agreement with one another but that accord will not come about unless the women is something honored and special to the husband. But such honor will not come about unless he had to give up something important to him. This is because what is most difficult to achieve is most special to the person while what is easy to achieve becomes something insignificant to the person. Therefore, if the wife is not something special in the eyes of the husband, then he will dispose of her at the first sign of unhappiness, the accord will not occur and the purposes of marriage will not be achieved.

What we see happening in some European countries— in fact, in some Muslim countries— is very strange indeed. This is where the woman is required to furnish a dowry or provide the furniture for their future house. This is definitely turning the natural order of things upside down and goes against the nature of mankind. It leads to a great deal of social ills and behavioral harm. It is a means by which the woman is despised and belittled. Indeed, she is ruined because of it. If the woman is not able to gather enough wealth together for marriage, she will not be able to get married and, instead, will have boyfriends and affairs and other evil results.

Such a practice contains a great deal of evil and harm for the society; this practice may even bring about society’s end soon. There is a great difference between the case where the woman feels that she and what she possesses belong to her husband and where she feels that she is something desired and honored, as the fiance spends money on her and gives her presents and so on to get her as his wife.

All praises are due to Allah who raised the position of the woman while other laws and systems belittle her and degrade her honor.

‘The Figh of Marriage

The Ruling Concerning Stating the Dower at the Time of the Marriage Contract

It is a sunnah (recommended act) to state the dower at the time of the marriage contract in order to prevent any future dispute or argumentation. This is based on Allah’s statement,

oLyeok | pec ite bn Oy eo be

wig 125 BF AKI ohyy w SI et “All others [women other than those stated in the verse] are lawful for you provided you seek them [with a dower] from your wealth” (al-Nisaa 24). And the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to the one who was to marry the woman who had offered herself to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him),

Pa Cop USL Ny Gall “Seek something [to give her as a dower] even if it be a ring made of iron,”! The scholars are agreed that it is sanctioned to state the dower at that time but it is not a prerequisite for the validity of the contract.?

The Status of the Dower

The dower is not a prerequisite or an essential component of the marriage contract. Instead, it is one of its rulings and a requirement of a sound marriage. Therefore, a small amount of uncertainty concerning it is overlooked as well as a small amount of potential harm that is expected to be removed. This is because the goal of marriage is bringing

' Recorded by al-Bukhari in his Sahib, number 5078, The Book on Marriage, Chapter on mari those in dire straits, and numbers 5029, 5030 and 5141 Recorded by Muslim (#1425), The Book on Marri riage, Chapter on the dower.

Haasbiyab al-Raudb al-Murabi bi-Sharh Zaad al-Mustagni, vol. 6, p. 364; alIfsaab ‘an Maan al-Sibaab by ibn Hubairah, vol. 2, p. 135.

‘The Figh of Marriage

the two together and having the two enjoy each other. If the marriage contract is concluded without the mentioning of a specific dower, the marriage contract is still valid. In that case, the husband is required to give his wife a dower which is comparable to the dower that women who are similar to his wife receive, according to the agreement of the scholars.!

The evidence for this position is in Allah’s statement,

GB th at gh GA ead ol th lb 0 SCI oY “There is no sin upon you if you divorce women while you had not yet had sexual relations with them, nor appointed for them a dower” (alBagara 236). This verse permits divorce before consummation and before determining the dower. This indicates that the dower is neither a necessary component nor a prerequisite for the marriage contract.