Part 6

This confirms that the dower, from an Islamic perspective, is not the goal in and of itself. It is also not setting a price for the worth of a woman. In fact, it is sanctioned to be easy in setting dowers and not to be extravagant. A hadith states,

“The best dower is the easiest [for the person to meet].”! The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) also said,

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“From the blessings related to a woman are the facilitating of her proposal, the facilitating of her dower and the facilitating of her womb.”?

The wisdom behind forbidding extravagant dowers is obvious. It is to make marriages easier upon the people, so that they do not become adverse to it and therefore succumb to various evil social ills and practices.

Definitely, the dower is simply a token and not a price for merchandise. Furthermore, the happiness of a household is not found in extravagance, waste and burdening when it comes fo the dower. AlTirmidhi recorded and declared authentic the narration from Aamir ibn Rabeeah that a woman from the tribe of Fazaarah married and the dower was a pair of shoes. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) asked

1 ALMustadrak ala al-Saheehain, vol. 2, p. 182. {According to Al-Albaani, this hadith is sabib. See Muhammad Naasir al-Deen Al-Albaani, Saheeb al-Jaami aljagheer (Beirut: al-Maktab al-Islami, 1988), vol. 1, p. St

orded by Ahmad in al-Musnad, vol. 6, pp. 77 and 91. [According to Al-Albaani, this hadith is sabib. See Al-Albaani, Sabeeh al-Jaami, vol. 1, p. 444—JZ]

‘The Figh of Marriage

her, “Is your soul and wealth pleased with a pair of shoes?” She replied, “Yes,” and therefore the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed the marriage.!

Tbn al-Qayyim stated, after mentioning a number of hadith in which the Prophet (peace be upon him) issued some decrees concerning the dower,

These hadith imply that there is no minimum established for the dower. A handful of flour, a ring made of iron and a pair of shoes can all validly be declared the dower and by them the marriage is valid. These hadith also imply that it is disapproved to have extravagant dowers for the marriage and such reduces its blessings and makes it more difficult.2

There is no room in Islam for that materialistic approach that has overcome the thoughts of many people who, therefore, demand exorbitant dowers. The situation has deteriorated to such an extent that hardly any people leave a marriage ceremony without discussing how much the dower was. It is as if they were leaving from an auction. A woman is not a piece of merchandise that is sold in some kind of “woman’s market” such that people should be speaking about her in such a purely materialistic fashion.

Abu al-Ujafaa al-Sulami said that he heard Umar ibn alKhattaab say,

Listen! Do not become exorbitant when it comes to the dowers of women. Verily, if sucha thing were noble in this world or an act of obedience to Allah, the first one to demand such would be the Prophet (peace be upon him). However, the Prophet (peace be upon him) never gave in dower to his wives or asked for dower for his daughters

' This hadith was discussed earlier. (Previously, the author (may Allah protect him and preserve his life) indicated that this hadith is weak and that it cannot be used as evidence. Now it seems that he is using as a piece of evidence. This is definitely an gversight on the part of the author, may Allah forgive him and all Muslims —JZ]

Zaad al-Maad, vol. 5, p. 178, al-Risaalah edition.

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anything in excess of twelve augiyah. A man goes to such an extreme in getting a dower for his wife that there develops an enmity for her in him, and he says, “I burdened myself [to the point of even providing] the rope of the waterskin for you.”!

In other words, he says to her, “I overburdened myself and I bore everything just for you. Even the rope of a waterskin I presented for you.”

The Maliki jurist ibn al-Arabi stated, “An augiyah, according to the people of knowledge, equals forty dirhams. So twelve augiyah equals four hundred and eighty dirhams>.”4

Exorbitant dowers, extravagance, pomp, ignorant customs, wrongful taking of a woman’s dower and using it for purposeless show are the causes behind many young men not being able to marry and many women becoming old maids nowadays. If only the people would follow the Islamic path when it comes to values, not allowing evil customs to distance them from what is proper nor having evil practices take sway over them, the structure and health of the household would not be in the state of disrepair that we witness today.

The houses have become filled with old maids due to the numerous conditions that the people place on the men proposing and the heavy burdens that they must face. These conditions sometimes come from the woman herself or her guardian or are due to the prevalent customs and norms of her tribe. How could it be that there would be one young man rolling in luxury and having great wealth for each of those

Haashiyah al-Imaam al-Sindi ala Sunan al-Nasaai, vol. 6, p. 118, Chapter on being just in giving dowers from the chapters on Marriage.

In other words, it is equivalent to approximately 116 Saudi riyals [or around US

30]. sahih al-Tirmidbi bi-Sharh ibn al-Arabi al-Maaliki, vol. 5, p. 36.

The Figh of Marriage

women, to propose to them and be able to please them and meet their conditions? Verily, we belong to Allah and to Allah shall we return! History tells us that this dower, that was established for a noble and good purpose, was in all eras easy and simple on the people and it was something that was available in every time and environment. Tbn Taimiya wrote,

Only a fool and ignoramus could lead himself to requiring a dower for his daughters that is larger than the dower of the daughters of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), who were the best of Allah’s creation in their nobility and they were the most virtuous of all the women in the world. The same is true [for one who demands more than] the dowers of the mothers of the believers [the Prophet’s wives]. Such is the case for one who has the means and ability to pay more. As for the poor person, he must not agree to a dower that he is not able to pay without undergoing hardship.!

The Causes behind Exorbitant Dowers

In any case, behind this worthless phenomenon are causes that are followed by negative results and great harm. The causes for exorbitant dowers include the following:

(1) The abundance of wealth [is a major cause]. This phenomenon did not exist until the people had abundant wealth and their pockets became filled. The strong winds of this new modern-day rich society then brought about many new things that were not existent before.?

3 Majmoo Fataawaa Shaikh al-Islam ibn Taimiya, vol. 32, pp. 192-194.

[Lots of wealth is not a prerequisite for the phenomenon of exorbitant dowers. In reality, even in many poor societies the dower set for women is very reat. In some areas, most of the men cannot marry unless they get into a debt that they will not be able to get out of for years to come—JZ]

‘The Figh of Marriage

(2) The desire of the husband to show that he is rich and well-todo and his desire to convince his wife and her guardians that he is wellto-do [is yet another cause].

(3) Covetousness and greed on the part of some guardians and their failure to realize the value and principle goals of marriage [is another important cause]. In addition, they [wrongly] see many actions and expenses as necessary, that they cannot cut short at all.

(4) A hasty and immature seeking of riches only, regardless of other qualities [of the prospective husband is another cause]. For that reason, they reject the qualified, God-fearing, pure and upright person who can benefit the woman in both her life here and in her Hereafter.

(5) Blind following of others [is another important cause], If another person did something, then the next in line must also do the same otherwise he will be considered cheap and will be exposed to insults from the people.

(6) Allowing the women to decide and get involved in these matters, listening to their opinions and fulfilling their wants, not distinguishing between what is a sound demand and what is not, [is another important cause].

(7) Boasting and competition in preparing the new home leads to being exorbitant in dowers and abuse in such matters.

These are some of the main causes that lead to exorbitant dowers.!

The Negative Consequences of Exorbitant Dowers

The negative consequences, evil results and extremely harmful aspects due to this phenomenon of exorbitant dowers are many. They include the following:

(1) Most of the young men have to remain bachelors and most of the young ladies become old maids. The young man who has little or no wealth, and yet he wants to keep himself chaste, will soon become depressed and sad. He can remain a bachelor, tasting the bitterness of

See Min Qadbaaya al-Zawaaj by Jaasim al-Yaaseen (pp. 70-72); al-Zawaaj wa al-Muboor nf Shaikh Abdul areer al-Masnad (pp. 57-58). 7

The Figh of Marriage

being prevented from marriage and living without a wife. Or he can bear the burden of a loan that he will not be able to repay easily and, hence, he and his wife will have to live a very poor life. Soon such a marriage will be destroyed and its bonds destroyed. This is a punishment from Allah due to the exorbitant dowers, waste and extravagance the people fell into.

(2) Immorality spreads between the two sexes when they have no means to marry and they seek a substitute for its pleasures.

(3) Psychological problems afflict the young men and women due to the suppression of their natural needs and the crushing of their dreams and aspirations.