Part 10

truthful and honest advice. This advice should be limited to matters relevant to the affair in question, and should not be exceeded to other areas because that may then count as a prohibited form of backbiting.

The Prophet (&) told her to spend her ‘iddah in Umm Sharik’s (t#) house, but then remembered that some of his male companions go into her house. So he said:

<Spend your ‘iddah in the house of your cousin ‘Abdullah Ibn Umm Maktiim’s. Indeed, he is a blind man, and when you remove your head-cover, he cannot see you. When you complete your ‘iddah, inform me.

When she completed her ‘iddah, Fatimah went to the Prophet (8) and told him that both Mu‘awiyah Bin Abi Sufyan and Abi Jahm asked for her hand. Allah’s Messenger (#8) said:

aisle yo Laall aay Vy clucll le B48 ated opt oil Uy 5 Gp Balad oS ILI Lands Upland lee Ul,

<As for Abii Jahm, he is harsh with women, and never takes the stick off his shoulder; and as for Mu‘awiyah, he is a poor man without any money. Marry Usamah Bin Zayd.>

“Then I married Usamah; Allah put a great deal of good in him, and I was very happy with him.” !

As we indicated above, it is important to provide truthful information in regard to the two individuals involved in a khirbah. The information should be limited to matters that are expected to have a bearing on the marriage. Absolute truth is required from the two involved parties: the man seeking to marry and the woman being sought, as well as their representatives, and any other individuals who are asked for advice.

Hiding any problems that one knows about is a sinful act of mistrust in Islam, and could result in numerous future predicaments.

For instance, one is required to indicate any physical problem in the two individuals involved in the khitbah. If either of them has a physical deficiency, such as impotence, venereal diseases, etc., he (or she) should make it known to the other individual before approving the engagements.

As for the one who thus learns about some problems in the other person, he is not allowed to publicize that knowledge or expose those secrets.

There are many violations that some Muslims have introduced into the process of khitbah. Many of those violations arise from blind imitation of the non-Muslims. In what follows we mention a few of them:

1. PRIVACY & INTIMACY BETWEEN THE ENGAGED COUPLE

After the engagement, and before the marriage contract, the woman’s family permit her to go out with the “fiancée”, have khulwah with him,

ee ba ye ST 1 Recorded by Muslim, Abi Dawad, and others,

and even touch and kiss him.

Some people think of the engagement as a “test-drive” period in which they fully try out their partners to see if they will be able to pursue a long life together. With that, they commit many sins, minor and major, including zind. And interestingly, many of these engagements prove unsuccessful and end up in separation before marriage!

Some families like to extend the engagement period to months or even years, thereby providing more chance for the engaged couple to fall into sinning.

In many Muslim countries, the khifbah is held publicly in the form of a reception or party in which drinks are served, music is played, and the bridegroom kisses the bride or takes pictures with her. All of that is in great discord with the Sunnah and the Islamic teachings, and should therefore be totally avoided.

Furthermore, a khitbah should stay away from the people’s eyes because no legal shart consequences result from it. If, for any reason, a publicized khifbah is not concluded with actual marriage, serious harm may result from publicizing it, especially in regard to the bride’s reputation.

3. ENGAGEMENT RINGS AND JEWELRY

The engaged couple often exchange “engagement” rings, and the bridegroom gives the bride jewelry and gifts at the time of khitbah. This is in violation of Islam, since there is no reason yet for any property or gift exchange to take place — until they are legally bound by the marriage contract. In many cases, this premature act leads to serious disputes if the engagement is broken for any reason.

Furthermore, the “engagement” ring has no basis in Islam. It originates from an old Christian practice that the Muslims should not imitate.

CHAPTER 4 THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT

Introduction IMPORTANCE OF THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT

The marriage (or nikdh) contract is enacted between a man and woman for the purpose of enjoying each other and forming a good family.

The marriage contract is the formal bond that turns two individuals from strangers to husband and wife. As a result of the marriage contract, many rights and obligations become imperative and many fruits are anticipated.

To many people, the marriage contract is the most important contract they execute throughout their lives, Each marriage contract normally carries a lasting effect over a large number of individuals, many of them yet to be born,

Since the marriage contract has such a great and solemn significance, Islam imposes a number of guidelines that it must fulfill, Those guidelines are the subject of discussion in this chapter.

No JOKING IN MARRIAGE

Marriage is a serious matter and should be dealt with seriously, It is not allowed for a man to marry and then claim that he did not really Mean it or that he was joking.

Fudalah Bin “Ubayd (<) reported that Allah’s Messenger (88) said:

<There are three matters in which it is not permissible to joke: marriage, divorce, and emancipation (of slaves). *

As is shown in the following chart, the Islamic marriage contract has six conditions, two pillars, one obligation, and one optional element. Dropping a condition or a pillar invalidates the contract. Intentionally dropping the obligation is a sin.

4 |Bride’s consent or permission

Presence of two witnesses

1 |The offering (jab)

Pillars The acceptance (gabiil)

1 Recorded by Aba Dawid, at-Tirmithi, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albant (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1826 & Sahih ul-Jami* no. 3027).

2 Recorded by at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir). Verified to be hasan by al-Albant (/rwa ul Ghalil no. 1826 & Sahih ul-Jami‘ no. 3047).

Quest for Love & Mercy Av The Marriage Contract

These elements are discussed in the following sections.

To be eligible for marriage, the bridegroom should fulfill the following requirements:

a |Must be a Muslim male

b |Should be chaste

c |Should be sane

d |Should have attained puberty

e |May not be related to the bride by a permanently prohibiting) blood, milk, or marital relationship (see Chapter 8)

f |May not be related to the bride by a temporarily prohibiting marital relationship (see Chapter 8)

g |Must perform the contact willfully and not by compulsion

To be eligible for marriage, the bride should fulfill the following requirements:

a |Must be a Muslim, Christian, or Jewish female

b |Should be chaste

¢ |Should be sane

d |May not be married or still in ‘iddah from another man

e |May not be related to the groom by a permanently prohibiting blood, milk, or marital relationship (see Chapter 8)

f |May not be related to the groom by a temporarily prohibiting! marital relationship (see Chapter 8)

g |Must perform the contact willfully and not by compulsion (discussed further in the next section)

The Bride’s Permission RULING

Being one of the two individuals involved in a marriage contract, the bride should have a say in regard to the partner with whom she would be associated in a long-term partnership.

‘A’ishah (ts) reported that Allah’s Messenger (4) said:

<Take the women’s permission in regard to their private parts (i.e., marriage).> |

Abii Miisa al-Ash‘ari (4%) reported that Allah’s Messenger (fi) said:

<When one of you wants to give his daughter in marriage, he should take her permission.> *

A bride’s permission is a required element of the marriage contract. Without this permission, the contract is either null and void, or may be invalidated by the Islamic authorities — based on the bride’s request.

We will see below that, depending on the bride’s situation, the

1 Recorded by Ahmad and an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ulJami no. 930 & as-Sahihah no. 398).

2 Recorded by at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir) and Abi Ya'la. Verified to be authentic by

al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami' no. 300 & as-Sahihah no. 1206).

Quest for Love & Mercy 59 The Marriage Contract

mode of her permission varies from being fully vocal and assertive to being passive and compliant with her wali’s decision,

A virgin bride (in Arabic: bikr) is a woman who never had intercourse with men. That would normally mean that her virginity hymen is present and intact; however, this is not an absolute condition because some virgins may lose their hymen in an accident or illness.

A virgin is usually naive and inexperienced in the ways of life and people’s cunning. She has no knowledge about men and is unable to evaluate a potential husband. Thus, it is not possible for her to make a clear decision in that regard, and it is left for her walz, who is usually her father, to make the decision on her behalf, Even then, he must consult with her and take her approval before executing the marriage contract.

When a virgin is adorned with the strong haya (modesty and shyness) that adorned the early Muslim virgins, she would be extremely reluctant to voice her opinion in regard to a man who seeks to marry her. In that case, her passive expression of approval is sufficient.