Part 21

Anas (4) reported that the Prophet (&) once visited Sa‘d Bin “Ubadah (5). Sa‘d offered him some raisins, and the Prophet (#8) ate and then said:

1 Recorded by Ahmad, an-Nasaii (in al-Kubra), and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albant (as-Sahihah no. 71 & al-Kalim ut-Tayyib). Recorded by Muslim and others.

3. Recorded by Muslim.

Quest for Love & Mercy 131 The Walimah LAM (Kalab Joly jysileall pS ase jbl ASML poke eke 9 <Aftara ‘indakum us-s@miin, wa-akala ta‘émakum ul-abrar, wa-sallat ‘alaykum ul-mal@ikah — May the fasting people break their fast at your place; and

may the righteous eat from your food; and may the angels supplicate for you. '

If one is invited for a meal, he should not inconvenience the host and his household by coming too early and waiting for the food to be ready. Allah (88) instructed the believers about this etiquette in regard to the Prophet (#8):

id ‘7 B32 G oe ds ow se os oly) BS Lbs 9 Loe ai att

Also, one should not inconvenience the host by staying too long after finishing eating. Allah (88) says:

OF eV Soul Go pbs Y iT spe

1 Recorded by Abi Dawiid, Ibn Majah, and others. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (Sahih ul-Jami‘ no. 1137 (from the report of Ibn uz-Zubayr) & Adab uz-Zifaf

At departure, one should give salam as he did when he entered. In this regard, we again cite Abii Hurayrah’s (2) hadith that Allah’s Messenger (&) said:

BASLT IG cphadd Gale A! Stel al bib CST ge Gol, La! cmd cpl pty

1 AL-Ahzab 33:53. 2. Recorded by Abii Dawid, at-Tirmithi, and others. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (as-Sahithah no. 183).

CHAPTER 7 CONSUMMATING THE MARRIAGE

Advising the Married Couple

Prior to leaving the newlywed couple to themselves on their wedding night, it is important to give them advice regarding the Islamic guidelines for marital intimacy, rights and obligations between the spouses, and other issues of importance for them, Most of this necessary information is included in this book and its two sequels. !

Kindness to the Bride

The husband should be extremely kind to his bride on their first night together, especially if she is a virgin. He should understand that this night marks the beginning of a totally new life for her. This may make her nervous and slow in cooperating with him. So, he should not brutally force himself on to her. If she does not appear to be fully ready on the first night, he should work on easing her emotions while waiting for the ultimate union between them one or more days later — as might be necessary.

Allah’s Messenger (@) was very kind and gentle with ‘A‘ishah (ts) on her first night with him. He gave her some milk to drink, allowed her young girlfriends to remain with her for a while, and talked to them jokingly — so as to make her feel at ease.

Asm@ Bint Yazid Bin as-Sakan? reported that she adorned ‘A‘ishah (s) for the Prophet (4) and then invited him in. He came and sat next to her. He was given a large cup of milk. He drank some of it and then gave it to ‘A’ishah (ts) who shyly lowered her head.

1 See “Closer Than a Garment” and “The Fragile Vessels” by the Author. 2 She was Mu'th Bin Jabal’s cousin: one of the Ansar women who gave her covenant to the Prophet (&) during Bay‘at ur-Ridwan.

Praying Two Rakahs Together

It is recommended for the newlywed couple to pray two rakat in jama@ah, with the groom leading the prayer. This would be a great indication that, from their first night, they meet together on an act of obedience to Allah (88).

Abii Said, the mawld (freed slave) of Aba: Usayd, reported that while he was still a slave, he got married, and a number of the sahabah (cp) attended his walimah, including Ibn Mas‘td, Huthayfah, and Abii Tharr (45). When the igamah was given for a prayer, Abi Tharr advanced to lead them, but they all told him, “Hold off (because the host has the right to lead).” He asked, “Ts that so?” They said, “Yes.” Thus, Abii Said advanced and led them in the prayer, even though he was an owned slave. After the prayer, they taught him:

“When your bride comes to you, pray two rakat with her, then ask Allah to grant you of her good and protect you from her evil, and then you are free to do what you wish with your bride.” *

L Seeking the blessing from Allah's Messenger’s (88) touch. Recorded by Ahmad. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 92).

3 Recorded by Ibn Abi Shaybah and ‘Abd ur-Razzaq. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 94).

Quest for Love & Mercy 135 Consummating the Marriage

Shaqiq reported that a man called Hariz came to ‘Abdullah Bin Mas‘iid and said, “I have just married a young virgin, and I fear that she might dislike me.” Ibn Mas‘id (8) said:

“Indeed, love (between the spouses) is from Allah, and dislike is from Satan who wants to make you dislike what Allah made lawful to you. When she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak‘at behind you. Then say:

GFT al peas gb GJ 9yu sr “saab dl C855 13) ES oy he Ge Le LY

‘Allahumma barik li fi ahli, wa-barik lahum Jiyya. Allahumm ajma’ baynana ma jama‘ta bikhayr, wafarriq baynana itha farragta ila khayr — O Allah, bless my wife for me, and bless me for her. O Allah, let our union be upon what is good, and let our separation, when you separate between us, be to what is good.’” !

After praying the two rak‘at together, it is recommended for the husband to make supplications and invoke Allah’s blessings on himself and his bride.

‘Abdullah Bin ‘Amr (%) reported that Allah’s Messenger (i$)

bi pres <Upsiroly SLU ails i Lats 41 Sha) gS SUT Lila

1 Recorded by Ibn Abi Shaybah and ‘Abd ur-Razzaq. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 96).

<When one of you acquires a wife, a cervant, or a riding animal, he should hold her (or it) by the forehead, invoke Allah’s blessing, and say: “Bismillah, allahumma barik li fiha. Allahumma innit asaluka min khayriha@ wa-khayri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi, wa-a‘aithu bika min sharriha wa-sharri mai jabaltaha ‘alayh — With Allah’s name. O Allah, bless her for me. O Allah, I ask You to grant me of her / its good, and the good upon which You created her / it; and I ask You to protect me from her / its evil and any evil upon which You created her / it.” And if it is a camel (that he acquires), he should hold it by the peak of its hump (and say the same).> '

Islamic Etiquettes of Marital Intimacy

There are important guidelines for the spouses to observe when they intimately approach one another. In what follows, we briefly outline some of them, keeping the detailed coverage for the sequel to this book: “Closer than a Garment”.

Even at the peak of his passion, a believer does not forget his Lord ($%). He remembers that his intercourse with his wife is a means of fulfilling many noble purposes — not only his lust (see Chapter 1). One of these noble purposes is producing a good progeny. Thus, it is important to supplicate to Allah to keep Satan away from him and his progeny. Ibn “Abbas (t) reported that the Messenger (88) said:

SA cll pay” J dal CU of 311 131 (S451 ol sb

1 A combined report recorded by al-Bukhari, Ibn Abi Shaybah, and others.

Quest for Love & Mercy 137 Consummating the Marriage

<When one of you wants to approach his wife, if he says: “Bismillah. Allahumma Jannib nash-Shaytan, waJannib ish-Shaytdna ma razaqtana — With the Name of Allah. O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep him away from what You grant us,”

If it is then decreed that they have a child (from that intercourse), Satan will never harm it. !

MisceELLANeous Apds ror INTERCOURSE

The following is a list of additional important adab that should be observed when being intimate or having intercourse with one’s spouse,

1. The man may only have intercourse with his wife in her front entry (vagina). Approaching her from the back entry is a major sin.

2, During his wife’s menses, a man may not have intercourse with her, but may otherwise enjoy other parts of her body. Performing intercourse with a menstruating woman is a major sin.

3. A person becomes junub (unclean) in one of two ways:

a) By climaxing and ejaculation, which results from intercourse, wet dreams, foreplay, etc.

b) By performing intercourse — regardless of whether it results in ejaculation or not.

4. A junub person must take a ghusl (bath) before being able to pray. It is further recommended for a junub to take the ghusl before going to sleep or mentioning Allah. If that is not possible, one Should at least wash his (or her) private parts and perform wudi’.

5. It is strongly prohibited for the two spouses to disclose to others the secrets of what takes place during their intimacy sessions.

1 Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.

The Morning Following the Wedding