Part 6

sources of misery. Among the sources of happiness

@ A good wife who pleases you when you look at her; and when you are away from her, you trust her in regard to herself and your property.

@ An easy ride that enables you to catch up with your companions.

And among the sources of misery are:

One should seek a wife who is known to be of good character or who has been raised in a good moral atmosphere. In a hadith similar to the earlier one by Abii Hurayrah, Abii Said al-Khudri (4) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8) said:

cUglls he BL eK IG Jad gurl de Al Sd ols be 29 gle HL Shy [Mle de Bl ARS,

1 Recorded by al-Hakim. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahthah no, 1047 & Sahih ul-Jami’ no. 3056). The fourth item in this hadith has been combined from another report recorded by Ibn Hibbiin, al-Khatib, and others, and verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 282 & Sahih ul-Jami' no, 887). A shorter form of this hadith is recorded by at-Tayalist and verified to be hasan by al-Albant (as-Sahihah no. 1803 & Sahih ul-Jami’ no. 3629).

Quest for Love & Mercy 25 Spouse Selection (ke Cos GEL, gol)

A woman of low moral standards should be avoided, even if she has other attractive qualities such as wealth or beauty. Abi Miisa al-Ash‘arT (44) reported that Allah’s Messenger (88) CAS oy ipl lated W Jory Je dil 0.4 Bd

ery che ad LS (foryy gaa li GID Ree Sal ace cide Lge GAT ay ete ts i JL

<There are three individuals that, when they supplicate to Allah (8%), their supplication is not answered: a man who has a wife of bad character but he does not divorce her, a man who lends money to another man without taking witnesses, and a man who gives money to a weak-minded person. R

In this hadith, “bad character” pertains mostly to qualities such as looseness and promiscuity, making the woman’s conduct dubious and her chastity questionable. A man who keeps such a wife is a dayyath. This will be discussed further in the second book of this series *, insh@ Allah.

1 Recorded by Ibn Hibbin, Ahmad, and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (as-Sahthah no. 307).

2 Recorded by al-Hakim, Abi Nu‘aym, and others. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (Sahih ul-Jami’ no. 3075 & as-Sahihah no. 1805).

3 See “Closer than a Garment” by the Author.

Virginity is not a condition for marriage, but is a recommended quality — provided that one has both options and that the women he is considering are equal in other respects. Virginity then becomes a weighing factor for a number of reasons that will be outlined in the subsequent sub-sections.

<Shouldn’t you have considered a virgin who plays with you and you with her, and she laughs with you and you with her?>

Jabir replied, “Indeed, my father ‘Abdullah died leaving many daughters. I did not want to add to them another young girl like themselves, so I married a grown woman to take care of them and look after them.” Allah’s Messenger (8) then said:

(13 WW BI G,Y Gal, be ps eb bin

4. ABILITY TO BEAR CHILDREN

Since one of the important purposes of marriage is reproduction, it is recommended to marry a younger woman who would normally be

1 Jabir’s father, ‘Abdullah Bin ‘Amr Bin Haram, was martyred in the battle of Uhud. Jabir was then nineteen years old. 2 Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.

Quest for Love & Mercy 27 Spouse Selection

more likely to bear many children. In turn, this is more likely to apply to virgins than non-virgins.

‘Abdullah Bin Mas‘iid (s) reported that Allah’s Messenger (88) said:

Cele ly cub sii, Wl, 81 Gael yb GIN! Lessin

Ma‘qil Bin Yasar (4%) reported that a man came to Allah’s Messenger (i$) and said, “I have encountered a woman of honor and beauty, but she cannot bear children, Should [ marry her?” He said, <No!> After asking him two more times, Allah’s Messenger (#$) said:

pu AS 36 cdgboll Spog)l Lo agin

<Marry a woman who is loving and can bear many children, because I will boast of your numbers (on Resurrection Day). ”

cab) GuaiT 131 aa Lydd ga gll Solel! Sites a Jeu Rentriea Shy SEA ee tee pails ay a, raeil Lal ie pikes) xo 32) 1 Recorded by at-Tabarani (in al-Kbir). Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 623 and Sahih ul-Jami' no. 2939).

2 Recorded by Abii Dawid and an-Nasaii. Verified to be authentic by al-Albant (Sahih ul-Jami‘ no, 2940 & Irwa’ul-Ghalil no. 1784).

<The best of your women are those who are bearers of many children, loving (to their husbands), comforting, and tolerant — provided that they have taqwa@ of Allah.

And the worst of your women are those who display their charms (to other than their husbands), and who walk with arrogance. Such are the hypocrites, and those of them who will enter Jannah are as rare as are the red-beaked and red-legged crows. !

Ibn ‘Abbas (i) reported that Allah’s Messenger (88) said:

<Your women who will be of the dwellers of Jannah are those who are loving (to their husbands), bearers of many children, and caring toward their husbands. *

An important quality to be sought in a wife is contentment. A dissatisfied wife would make her husband miserable and push him to do anything to please her.

It is easier for a virgin than a non-virgin to be content with her husband’s financial situation and with what he gives her. Similar to Ibn Mas'‘tid’s earlier hadith, Jabir Bin “Abdillah (t¥) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8) said:

bilgi Gael, Lb f gal Bb EYL Kuler

1 Recorded by al-Bayhaqt (in as-Sunan) and others. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (Sahth ul-Jami‘ no. 3330 & as-Sahithah no. 1849). The last part of it (about the crow) is also recorded by Ahmad and others from ‘Amr Bin al-‘Ag (#85) and verified to be authentic by al-Albant (as-Sahthah no. 1850).

2 Recorded by Tammam ar-Razi, Ibn ‘Asakir, and others. Verified to be hasan by alAlbani (as-Sahihah no. 287).

Quest for Love & Mercy 29 Spouse Selection

<Seek (in marriage) virgins, because they have more fertile wombs, sweeter speech, less slyness, and are easily satisfied with little (wealth). '

And ‘Utbah Bin ‘Uwaym Bin Sa‘idah al-Ansari (<4) reported that the Prophet (#8) said:

(mally easly Labyl gal, aL al Ode] Seb KYL Sule

Naivety, simplicity, and innocence of heart are commendable qualities to be sought in a wife, and are more present in virgins than nonvirgins — because of their lesser experience in the ways of life. This is demonstrated in the above hadith of Jabir (4).

Beauty, wealth, and prestige are all mentioned the earlier hadith of Abii Hurayrah (p. 22) as being secondary qualities that should not be sought at the cost of righteousness.

However, we cannot totally disregard these qualities — especially beauty. Abii Hurayrah (5) reported that the Messenger (8) said:

<The best of women is that who pleases him (i.e., her

1 Recorded by at-Tabardani (in al-Awsat) and ad-Diya’ ul-Maqdisi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahthah no. 624 and Sahth ul-Jami’ no. 4053).

2 Recorded by Ibn Majah and others from Saidah and Jabir. It is verified to be hasan by al-Albant (as-Sahihah no. 623).

husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders, and does not subject her person or money to what he dislikes.> '

Similarly, ‘Abdullah Bin Salam (5) reported that Allah's Messenger (&) was asked, “Who are the best of women?” He replied:

<The best of women is that who pleases you when | you look at her, obeys you when you order her, and safeguards you during your absence in regard to

| A woman’s appearance being “pleasing” to her husband applies

first to pleasing him when he observes her righteousness and obedience

| to Allah. But it may also apply to pleasing him with her physical beauty. That is why it has been ordained to look at a woman when courting her, as we will discuss in the next chapter.

<Make a (good) choice for your seed: marry (women) who are compatible (to you), and marry (your daughters) to them (who are compatible). *

1 Recorded by Ahmad, an-Nasa’i, and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami‘ no. 3298 & as-Sahihah no. 1838).