Part 8

<Look at her, because there is something (a smallness) in the Ansdr’s eyes.> '

Al-Mughirah Bin Shu'bah and Anas Bin Malik (tt) reported that al-Mughirah wanted to marry a woman, so Allah’s Messenger (88) said

re Ol 6 Pl iG Le] GEG C83)

<Go look at her: it will then be more possible to have harmony between the two of yous

UD BE ot ol al pl 5 shal 2 9 Gill ap

<When it comes into a person’s heart to court a woman, it is permissible for him to look at her. *

| Recorded by Muslim, an-Nasa’i, and others.

2 Recorded by Ahmad, al-Hakim, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albant (as-Sahihah no, 96).

3 Recorded by Ibn Majah, Ahmad, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albant

Also, Jabir Bin ‘Abdillah (@) reported that he heard the Prophet (88) say: : SBE Bl GUE ols GTM Sed Cbs Lif

Implementing this instruction, Jabir (44) said:

“Afterwards, | wanted to marry a woman, so I used to hide to observe her — until I had seen that which led me to marrying her.” !

It is prohibited for a man to look intently at a woman if he is not her mahram, Looking at a woman for the purpose of marrying her is an obvious exception to this rule and must, therefore, fulfill certain conditions.

Abii Humayd as-Sa‘idt (4) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8)

<When one of you courts a woman, it is permissible for him to look at her if he only looks because he seeks to marry her — even if she does not know (that he is watching her).> ”

1 Recorded by Abii Dawid, Ahmad, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahthah no. 99 & Irwa’ul-Ghalil no. 1791).

From this and other texts, we derive the following conditions:

1. The difference between a casual look and the look of a man seeking marriage is that the latter is allowed to stare and repeat the look.

2. Looking should be for the purpose of marriage, and not for the purpose of fulfilling a desire or lust.

3. A man may only look at a woman who is available for him to marry, knowing that, should he propose, her family could possibly approve of him.

4. Looking should be without touching or khulwah (privately meeting with her).

5. Looking should be limited to the body parts that a woman is permitted to expose to strangers, namely, her face and hands.

Some scholars, based on the above hadith of Jabir (p. 39), permit the man to look at more than the minimum that we specified above. We do not favor this opinion for a number of reasons. Most importantly, it could easily be abused by the sick-hearted, opening for them a wide gate for defaming or lusting after innocent women.

If a man finds that looking was not sufficient to give him a satisfactory idea about the woman that he intended to marry, he may appoint a woman from his relatives to look at her closely and tell him more about her.

With the wide availability of photography nowadays, a frequently asked question is whether it is allowed for the interested couple to exchange photographs.

Before answering this question, we need to point out a few important matters:

1. Photographs or pictures of beings with souls are generally |

prohibited in Islam. They are only allowed in situations of definite maslahah (benefit) for the Muslims, and only when no other permissible means can fulfill the same purpose as they do.

2. Even if a photograph was classified as being permissible in a particular situation, it may not show a prohibited thing, such as a woman without full hijab.

3. When a courter looks at a woman that he wishes to marry, his looking can be controlled by her or her wali, so that it would not invade her privacy or exceed what is permissible. To the contrary, a man can stare at a woman’s photograph longer, show it to others who are not supposed to see it, and keep it in his possession even if the courting negotiations do not reach a successful conclusion. This leads to a serious harm for the woman — with her private photographs becoming widely accessible for whoever cares to view them,

For all of the above, exchanging photographs is not permissible — except in situations where one of the woman’s mahrams would show her photograph to the courter without leaving it in his possession.

Is A WOMAN ALLOWED To Look?

Just as a man is allowed to look at his intended wife, a woman is allowed to look at her intended husband — with the above conditions, and noting that a man’s ‘awrah extend from his navel to his knees. However, unlike men, a woman’s looking should reflect a certain level of modesty and reservation that are characteristic of her femininity.

Talking and correspondence are permissible between a man and a Woman whom he is seriously considering for marriage. However, this should be done under controlled conditions: in the presence and watch of the woman’s wali or his representative, avoiding khulwah, touching, or other prohibitions, and limiting it to what is necessary for helping the couple make their decision.

WoOEs OF INTERNET COURTING

The Internet is one of the newest and most powerful communication tools that were ever conceived by humanity. The average person nowadays spends many hours every week on the Internet: surfing, searching, reading, writing, learning, chatting, buying, selling, and so on. It is not surprising, then, that many individuals look for spouses in this wonderful land! Men and women “chat”, e-mail one another, and even exchange digitized pictures!

However, courting and marrying over the Internet often has negative results. It involves many sinful or questionable practices, among which are the following:

1, Each individual paints about himself or herself an unreal picture that is meant to impress the other side, One describes what he (or she) wishes to be, not what one really is! Being in a private room with a keyboard and a monitor provides a big chance for pretence, Thus, lying and deceit are prevalent in this kind of communication, Asma’ (te) reported that the Prophet (8) said:

<A person who pretends having that which he does not is like one who wears two garments of deception. '

2. As we will see in the next chapter, a woman’s wali is normally responsible for investigating about a prospective husband’s family, friends, manners, finances, etc. With Internet courting, on the other hand, a woman forsakes all of this and makes herself the ultimate judge, allowing her emotions and the courter’s cunning to make ‘one of the most important decisions of her lifetime!

3. A great deal of precious time is wasted in writing polished e-mails and exchanging worthless “chats”. ‘Abdullah Bin Mas‘iid and Abi Burazah (t%) reported that Allah’s Messenger (88) said:

1 Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim.

be Shag aco any ie yo dal al 5 pal onl boas Jos Y (Speke Land Joe H5loy cAlasl ody Aguas gal oye alle yey

<A human being’s feet will not depart from before his Lord, on Resurrection Day, until he is questioned about five things: his lifetime and how he consumed it, his youth and body and how he utilized it, his wealth and how he earned and spent it, and what he did in regard to what he knew. !

4, Digitized pictures are often exchanged. As indicated above, this practice is largely prohibited, especially since digitized pictures can be easily and permanently stored on the computer, and electronically exchanged with other “interested” individuals,

5. In many cases, the Internet communication takes place between a man and a married woman (often with children)! The woman starts seeing her husband’s mistakes well magnified, and her Internet chatter grows in her thoughts into a perfect hero that will surely save her from the miserable life with her husband. We have witnessed a number of such cases that ended in divorce, or in the woman running away from her husband’s house to join the hero that she never met! As we will see in the next section, turning a woman against her husband is a great sin.

Because of the above and many other reasons, Internet courting is

a dangerous practice that should be largely ayoided by the righteous Muslims.

1 Recorded by at-Tirmithi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 946).

Prohibited Courting CourtiNG A MARRIED WOMAN

It is prohibited to court a woman who is married. The same is true about a woman whose husband divorced her a non-final divorce (a first or second time) and she is still in her ‘iddah (waiting period). The reason for this is that in both cases she is considered under the authority of her husband, and no other man may challenge that authority.

It is indeed a great sin to turn a woman against her husband with the intention of marrying her. Abii Hurayrah and Buraydah (i) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8&8) said:

(ode oghe lane sl clge's} le ial CS oe Lise (ued He is not one of us who turns a woman against her husband or a slave against his mastery '

CouRTING A WoMAN Who Is BEING CouURTED

When a Muslim man is proposing to a woman, it is not permissible for other Muslims to propose to her. They should wait until her side (she, her family, or her representative) takes a clear position from the proposal: either acceptance or rejection. If that proposal is rejected, others may then approach her for marriage.

Abii Hurayrah (#) reported that Allah’s Messenger (3) said:

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