Part 15

OUTCOME OF THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT

1 See “The Fragile Vessels” by the Author.

CHAPTER 5 CELEBRATING THE MARRIAGE

A marriage contract marks the beginning of a new relationship between aman and woman who had until recently been strangers. Subsequently, the married couple may be seen together in public and, if the marriage was not publicized, some people might have ill thoughts about them. Because of this, it is important to make the marriage as public as possible — without going into extravagance and excessiveness. ‘Abdullah Bin az-Zubayr (ts) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8)

And as-Saib Bin Yazid (4) reported that Allah’s Messenger (£8) said:

Habbar Bin al-Aswad (4) reported that he gave one of his daughters in marriage. Allah’s Messenger (8) heard the sound (of the wedding celebration) and inquired about it. He was told that Habbar married his daughter. So the Prophet (8) said approvingly:

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1 Recorded by Ahmad, Ibn Hibban, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 183).

2 Recorded by at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir) and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami’ no. 1010, 1011 & as-Sahihah no. 1463).

Publicizing a marriage is commonly done in the wedding, which includes various acts of celebration, such as singing and rejoicing among the women, and a wedding banquet called the walimah. In this chapter, we discuss acts of marriage celebration that are permitted in Islam, and warn against impermissible acts. However, we postpone the discussion of the walimah to the next chapter.

It is recommended to invoke blessings and prosperity for the married couple, Jabir () reported that the Messenger (8%) said to him at his wedding:

Ansar who were waiting for him. They asked him, “What do you

1 Recorded by Ibn Mandah. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no.

2 Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others. A more complete version of this hadith was cited in Chapter 2.

3. These two words are commonly used to welcome a guest. The first literary means, “Your presence is a cause of ease and vastness.” The second means, “You are like a member of the family.”

The Quest for Love & Mercy 89 Celebrating the Marriage

bring?” He said, “I do not know, except that he said to me, ‘marhaban wa-ahlan."” They said, “Just one of these two words would suffice you from Allah’s Messenger (#); he offered you the ‘family’ and

‘vastness’.” Later on, after the Prophet (8%) married Fatimah to ‘Ali,

<O Allah, bless them and bless their wedding for them. '

‘A’ishah (\¥) reported that when it was her wedding night, her mother took her to the Prophet's (@) house, and she was welcomed by some women from al-Ansar who congratulated her, saying:

“(May your marriage be) good and blessed, and may you have the best fortune.” ?

<Barak Allahu lak, wa-baraka ‘alayk, wa-jama‘a

1 Recorded by Ibn Sa‘d, at-Tabarant, and Ibn “Asakir. Verified to be hasan by alAlbani (Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 173-174). 2 Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.

baynakuma ft khayr — May Allah bless for you (your spouse), make you blessed, and join you two in prosperity.> '

‘Aqil Bin Abi Talib (5) reported that the Messenger (8) taught the sahabah (:) to say this du‘@ (for newlywed people):

(SMe Uy ASI Bl Slim <Barak Allahu lakum, wa-baraka ‘alaykum — May Allah bless for you (your marriage) and make you blessed.> ?

Singing and Beating the Duff PROHIBITION OF Music

As a general rule, music is prohibited in Islim. This rule is supported by authentic texts and by the consensus of the early ‘u/ama’ of Islam, including the Four Imdms.

Abii Malik al-Ash‘ari (#) reported that the Prophet (88) said:

<Among my Ummah will be those who will indulge in hir >, silk *, alcohol, and musical instruments. Some

1 Recorded by Abi Dawid, at-Tirmithi, and others. Verified to be authentic by alAlbani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 175).

2 Recorded by an-Nasa’, Ibn Majah, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 175-177).

3 Adultery and fornication.

The Quest for Love & Mercy 91 Celebrating the Marriage

of those people will camp beside a mountain. A poor shepherd (tending their cattle) will come in the evening with their cattle, and will ask them for some (financial) help. They will say (to avoid helping him), “Come back tomorrow.” So Allah will destroy most of them during the night, bringing the mountain down over them, and will transform the rest to apes and pigs until the Day of Resurrection. '

And Anas, ‘Imran, and others (a) reported that the Prophet (#8) said:

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<Some people of this Ummah will be punished by earth-collapse, stoning, and metamorphosis. This will happen when they drink khamr, keep female singers, and play on musical instruments. *

EXCLUSION OF THE DUFF One instrument is excluded from the prohibition of musical

instruments: the duff, which is similar to a tambourine, but without bells or rings. Its exclusion applies to three situations only:

b | Weddings — which is discussed below.

In fulfilling a vow. This derives from a unique incident during the Prophet’s (#$) time that is irrelevant to our present discussion. *

4 Wearing natural silk is prohibited for men.

1 Recorded by al-Bukhari (Fath ul-Bari no. 5590), Ibn Hibbain, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 5466 & as-Sahihah no. 91).

2 Recorded by Ahmad, at-Tirmithi, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albant (Sahih ul-Jami* no. 5467 & as-Sahthah no. 2203).

3 We discuss (a) and (c) in our book, “Festivals & Celebrations in Islam”.

Furthermore, all reports in the Sunnah about the duff indicate that only women and children beat it. Thus, today’s practice during weddings where men sing, play music, and dance is in discord with the Sunnah. A man should loathe to do such effeminate acts.

Instrument that may be used: The duff

Occasions for using it: ‘Ids and weddings

People who may use it: Women and children

BEATING THE DUFF AND SINGING IN WEDDINGS

Singing accompanied by the beating of duff is an approved practice of celebration FOR WOMEN during a wedding.

Abi Balj Yahya Bin Salim reported that he said to Muhammad Bin Hatib (<4), “In neither of my two weddings was there a sound (of singing).” Muhammad then told him that the Prophet (88) said:

<The distinction between the lawful (i.e. marriage) and the prohibited (i.e., adultery) is the beating of duff and the sound (of singing) at a wedding. '

‘A'ishah (tg) reported that she prepared a bride for her wedding to a man from the Ansar. Allah’s Messenger (88) said:

OS GUI pegiaead SLAM gb Sa) pKeea GIS Le AtsLe yp

<O ‘Aiishah, did you not have some Jahw (singing and dancing)? Indeed, the Ansar like lahw. *

1 Recorded by an-Nasa’i, at-Tirmithi, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albant (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 183, Sahih ul-Jami‘ no. 4206, Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1994). 2 Recorded by al-Bukhari and others.

The Quest for Love & Mercy 93 Celebrating the Marriage

Singing should be done using simple and innocent wording, avoiding corrupt songs that call to sinning and disobedience. It is important to note that singing in those days was a mere recitation of poetry accompanied by periodic beating of the duff. It did not follow musical notes, nor did it contain lewd words or seductive body-actions,

In another report from‘A’ishah (tg), the Prophet (88) said:

<Shouldn’t you have sent with the bride a little girl to beat on the duff and sing?>

‘A’ishah (te) asked, “What would she say?” He (8) replied:

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<Say, “We came to you, we came to you. So greet us, and we will greet you, Had it not been for the red gold, Your desert-land would not have been inhabited. And had it not been for the dark grain, Your virgin girls would not have gained weight.”> '

We saw above that the Prophet (@) permitted lahw for women during a wedding. Lahw includes beating the duff and singing, and may also include dancing. This dancing, however, is merely a slight and innocent swaying of the body to the beats of the duff, and is nothing like the lewd or seductive dancing that is often done nowadays in weddings.

1 Recorded by at-Tabarani and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albant (Jrwa’ulGhalil no. 1995 & Adab uz-Zifaf p. 181).

Giving gifts is a good practice on all occasions. Abii Hurayrah (>) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8) said:

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