Part 9

<Ayoid suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales. Do not spy, nor look for the faults (of each

1 Recorded by Abt Dawid, Abmad, al-Hakim, and others, Verified to be authentic by al-Albant (Sahih ul-Jami‘ no. 5436, 5437, 6223, & as-Sahihah no. 324, 325).

other), nor oppose each other, nor envy one another, nor hate one another, nor desert each other — and, O Servants of Allah, be (true) brothers. Let not a man court a woman whom his brother is courting: (He should wait) until he marries or leaves her. !

‘Ugbah Bin ‘Amir (e) reported that Allah's Messenger (&) said: te Leg ol gabe Je soaill 3] gait

Abii Hurayrah (4) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8) said:

‘Abdullah Bin ‘Umar (t#) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8%) said:

Abu Hurayrah (4) reported that Allah’s Messenger (8) said: Ys tes pee le pms Us aad hse Jol Cait Yo | GM FLL SLE, Ute phe Wy Upsee ede ft AS

<Let not a man propose to a woman to whom his brother is proposing, nor negotiate a deal that his i brother is negotiating. A woman may not be married } to a man who is married to her paternal or maternal aunt. A woman should not request that her sister be

divorced so that she would fill her own plate (with food — if she is a co-wife) or get married (instead of her), because she will only receive what Allah has prescribed for her. '

OTHER PROHIBITED FORMS i The following forms of courting are also prohibited:

1. A man who has four wives may not court an additional woman — unless he divorces one or more of his wives.

2. A man is not allowed to court a woman whom he is not allowed to simultaneously marry with a current wife, such as her sister or aunt.

3. Aman who had divorced a wife three times is not allowed to court or consider her unless she married after him another man who, after consummating their marriage, willfully divorces her.

4. A woman who is in her ‘iddah from a husband’s death or a terminal divorce ? may not be approached with direct proposals

1 Recorded by Muslim. 2 This includes a third and final divorce, or marriage termination through khul’ (upon her request) or faskh (by the judge’s decree).

before the end of her ‘iddah. She may only be approached by a subtle hint, such as telling her, “When you finish your ‘iddah, a man with just a few children may want to marry you.” Allah (8) says: ,_

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Offering a Woman for Marriage

It is permissible for a man to offer his daughter or the woman under his custody for marriage to those whom he trusts as being worthy of her.

‘Abdullah Bin ‘Umar (tt) reported that after the death of his sister Hafsah’s husband, Khunays Bin Huthafah as-Sahmi (4), ‘Umar (4%) offered Hafsah (>) to ‘Uthman (5). A few nights later, ‘Uthman apologized, “I have decided not to marry right now.” “Umar then offered her to Abii Bakr (44s), and he did not give him an answer either, This saddened ‘Umar; but the Prophet (8%) consoled him

<One who is better than ‘Uthman will marry Hafsah,

and ‘Uthman will marry one who is better than Hafsah. '>?

A few nights later, Allah’s Messenger (&) asked him for her hand, and ‘Umar accepted. Later on, Abi Bakr met “Umar and asked him, “You were probably bothered when you offered me Hafsah and I did not give you an answer.” ‘Umar said, “Yes!” Abi Bakr (4) then explained:

“Truly, what had prevented me from giving you an answer when you offered her to me was that I knew that Allah’s Messenger (#$) had mentioned (marrying) her, and I was not to expose Allah’s Messenger’s (#8) secret. Had he declined marrying her, I would surely have accepted her.” *

Allah (&%) tells us about another case where a righteous man offered one of his two daughters in marriage to Miisa (#&#l):

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‘The Prophet (24) meant his daughter Umm Kulthiim (¥i5). Recorded by al-Bukhari and Ibn Sa‘d (Fath ul-Bari no. 5122). Recorded by al-Bukhari, an-Nasa’i, and others.

Performing /stikhdrah and Seeking Advice DESCRIPTION OF /STIKHARAH

IstikhGrah means seeking good through putting one’s complete trust in Allah. A believer should perform istikhdrah before starting any important undertaking. Since marriage is one of the most important decisions that a person takes, it is important for both the man and woman to perform istikhdrah before they give the final word that binds them together,

Jabir Bin ‘Abdillah (ts) reported that Allah’s Messenger (88) used to teach his companions to perform istikhdrah in all of their affairs — as though he was teaching them a seerah from the Quran. He told them:

azim, fa-innaka taqdiru wa-lé aqdir, wa-ta'‘lamu wa14 alam, wa-‘anta ‘allam ul-ghuyith, Allahumma in

kunta ta‘lamu anna hatha ’l-amra (and he names his intended affair) huwa khayrun Ii fi dint wa-ma‘ashi, wa-aqgibati amri wa-Gjiliht wa-ajilihi, fa-qdurhu Is, wa-yassirhu Ii, thumma barik It fih. Wa-in kunta ta'lamu anna hatha ’I-amra huwa sharrun It fi dint wa-madsht, wa-Ggibati amri wa-Gjiliht waajilihi, fa-srifhu ‘anni wa-srifni ‘anhu, wa-qdur liy-al-khayra haythu kan, thumma raddini bih — O Allah, I ask You to choose for me with Your knowledge and decree for me with Your might, and I ask You of Your great favor. Indeed, You decree and I do not, and You know and I do not; You surely are the Knower of all that is hidden. O Allah, if You know that this affair (and he names it) is good for me in regard to my religion, my living, and its outcome — both immediate and future, decree it, facilitate it, and then bless it for me. And if You know that this affair is harmful for me in regard to my religion, my living, and its outcome — both immediate and future, divert it from me and divert me from it, and decree for me good wherever it may be, and then make me content by it.”

And indeed, never would he regret who asks the Creator to choose for him, and consults with the creation, and ascertains his actions.> !

From this hadith, it is obvious that the istikhdrah is a special du‘@ that has the following characteristics:

1. It is said when intending to perform an important act, and j before embarking on that act, with the expectation that Allah will choose the best.

2. Itis preceded with a voluntary prayer consisting of two rak‘at. One may raise one’s hands while saying it — as is recommended for any dua.

Recorded by al-Bukhari and others.

3. After a person makes istikhdrah, he should undertake what he was planning to do before it. If that is good for Him, Allah (8%) would surely facilitate it, otherwise, He would bring about some circumstances to hinder it.

4, Contentment with its outcome may not be felt immediately, but will surely materialize with time.

a. A misconception concerning istikhdrah is that it is made when a person is undetermined between two or more alternatives. It is clear from the above hadith that it should only be made after he had decided which of the alternative to undertake.

b. Some people think that one of the important requirements of istikharah is to perform it just before going to sleep, and that some dreams should indicate what to do.

c. Other people think that the istikhdrah puts in the heart an inclination toward the proper choice.

There is no basis for either of these two assumptions, and the above hadith supports neither. In fact, the hadith indicates that when, as a result of the istikh@rah, Allah hinders an affair that a person was about to undertake, that might bring some dislike into his heart, and he therefore asks Allah to give him contentment.

We have seen from the above hadith that, in addition to istikharah, it is recommended to consult with some knowledgeable people before making an important decision.

Thus it is recommended for the man and woman (or her wali) to investigate about his or her intended partner, making sure that she or he has the required good attributes.

When a person’s advice is sought in regard to individuals that are Considered for marriage, business partnership, etc, he should provide