5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

Question number one: Solve the following equation..." The teacher began to list the questions, but the pupil could not remain silent and said, "I told you, I don't want to sit this exam!" The teacher looked at the pupil with a smile and said, "Am I forcing you to sit an exam? You are an adult and responsible for your own actions." The pupil found that he could not make this teacher angry, so he calmed down, took out a pen and paper, and began to write down the questions. Afterwards, he was disciplined by the school administration for misbehaviour. When I reflected upon this story, I realised the difference in people's ability to deal with diverse situations, and their expertise in either solving a problem or making it worse. Dealing with a stubborn person by using stubbornness only results in fireworks. Everyone would agree that fighting a fire with fire would only increase the flames, and that responding to coldness with coldness would not work either. Therefore, one's relationship with others should be like the hair strand of Mu'awiyah… Mu'awiyah was once asked, "How did you manage to be a governor for twenty years and then a Caliph for twenty years?" He replied, "I placed a hair strand between myself and the people. I would hold it from one end and they would hold it from the other. If they pulled it from their end, I would loosen it from mine so that the hair strand would not break. If they loosened it Mu'awiyah's hair from their end, I would pull on it from mine." May Allah have mercy on him, how wise he was! We can all agree that if both partners of a couple are stubborn, then they could never live together in happiness. Similarly, two stubborn people can never be friends for long. I recall giving a lecture once in a prison. It happened that the lecture was to be delivered to a special section of the prison where most of the prisoners were guilty of murder or manslaughter. When I finished my lecture and the prisoners went back to their cells, one of them came forward to me to thank me. I realised that he was the one responsible for cultural activities in the prison. I asked him about the cause which led most of these men to commit murder. He replied, "Just anger. By Allah, dear Shaykh, some of them have killed over a few riyals during a dispute with a shopkeeper or a petrol station attendant!" Thereupon, I remembered the words of the Prophet , "A strong person is not the one who throws his adversaries to the ground. Rather, a strong person is he who contains himself when angry." (al-Bukhari and Muslim) Yes! The hero isn't the one with a strong body who overpowers anyone he wrestles with, for if this was the yardstick of heroism, then surely the animals would have been nobler than men. Rather, the hero is the intelligent one who knows how to skilfully deal with diverse situations. The hero is the one who tactfully deals with his wife, children, manager, and colleagues without losing them. Mu'awiyah's hair A hadith states, "A judge should not give judgement whilst he is angry." (Abu Dawud and Al-Tirmidhi who said it is Hasan Sahih) The Prophet ordered us to train ourselves on forbearance; he said, "Patience comes with forbearance." (ad-Daruqutni, Hasan) The meaning of this is that the first time one suppresses his anger, it may drain his emotions 100%. The second time, it will decrease to 90%. The third time, it will be 80%, and so on until forbearance becomes second nature. An incident related to anger is when I once went to the city of Amlaj, which is 300 km to the south of Jeddah, in order to deliver a lecture. Among the audience was a young man who would very easily become angry. This young man was once driving his car on the road at a normal speed, as he was in no hurry. Behind him was another car whose driver seemed to be in a rush and was trying to overtake him. Seeing this, the young man slowed down even more and gestured at the car behind to slow down. The driver of the car that was following could hold his patience no longer. He put his foot on the accelerator swerved close to the one's car, and dangerously overtook, but nobody was hurt. The young man became furious, he was the type who would get angry over much less than this, and put his foot on the accelerator to catch up with the car that had overtaken him. He began to shout and gesture at the car so that its driver would stop, which he did. He then placed his headscarf on the passenger seat, grabbed a spanner, and got out of the car. He was visibly fuming as he walked towards the car. Suddenly, he saw three Mu'awiyah's hair muscular men jump out of the other car and run towards him.