5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

Would you punish yourself by shouting and yelling at the car and the passengers, when the car has already gone? Similarly, there is no need to always remember the pains we have had in our lives. Muhammad  suffered many painful moments in his life. He once sat with his beloved wife, ‘A’ishah – may Allah be pleased with her – silently. She asked him, “Was there a day in your life more severe than the day of Uhud?” The memories of that battle went through the Prophet’s mind. Oh, how cruel that day was! The day when his uncle Hamza was killed, who was the most beloved of all to him; he stood there gazing at his beloved uncle, seeing his body disfigured: his nose and ears sliced off, his stomach gashed and gaping open and his insides gouged out. It was the day when the Prophet’s teeth were broken, his face was wounded and his blood spilt. The day of Uhud was the day when his Companions were killed in front of him; the day he returned to Madinah without seventy of his Companions, only to see the widowed women and orphaned children hunting for their loved ones and their fathers! That day truly was very cruel. Self torture ‘A’ishah was waiting for a response. The Prophet  said, “What I suffered at the hands of your people was more severe on me. The day of ‘Aqabah when I offered myself…” and then he related the entire story of seeking help from the people of at-Ta’if, and their rejection of him, followed by the foolish ones amongst them throwing stones at him until his feet bled. Despite these painful moments in the life of the Prophet  ,he would continue his life cheerfully and not allow them to embitter him from enjoying his life. These painful moments do not deserve to be remembered. The pains have now gone, and all that is left is joy. Therefore, do not kill yourself with grief. Similarly, do not kill people with grief and blame. Sometimes, we deal with problems in ways that do not provide solutions. Al-Ahnaf bin Qays was the leader of Banu Tamim. He did not become a leader due to the strength of his body, or the abundance of wealth, or the nobility of lineage, but due to his forbearance and intellect. A group of people envied him so they came to a foolish person and said, “Here are a thousand dirhams. Go to the leader of Banu Tamim, al-Ahnaf bin Qays, and slap him across his face.” The foolish person went ahead and found al-Ahnaf sitting with some men. He was sitting with his legs drawn up to his chest in a garment with all sedateness, speaking to his people. The foolish person slowly came close until he stood next to him. Al-Ahnaf looked up to him thinking he had something pleasant to show him, and suddenly, the foolish person raised his hand and slapped al-Ahnaf across his face so hard that it was as if his Self torture cheek was about to rip open. Al-Ahnaf looked at him, and instead of undoing his garments to free his legs, he said very gently, “Why did you slap me?” The man said, “My people gave me a thousand dirhams to slap the leader of Banu Tamim.” Al-Ahnaf said, “Oh! You haven’t achieved anything, then! I am not the leader of Banu Tamim!” The man said, “That’s strange! Where is the leader of Banu Tamim, then?” Al-Ahnaf replied, “Do you see that man sitting on his own with a sword to his side?” He pointed to a man called Harithah bin Qudamah, who was perpetually full of anger and hate, such that if his anger were to be divided amongst the Ummah, it would have sufficed. The man replied, “O yes, I see him. Is he the man sitting there?” Al-Ahnaf replied, “Yes, go to him and give him a slap, for he is the leader of Banu Tamim.” The man went up to him and approached Harithah, while Harithah’s eyes brightened with evil. The foolish man stood in front of him, raised his hand and slapped him across the face. His hand had just touched Harithah’s face when he got hold of his sword and cut off his hand! There is an old saying, “The winner is the one who has the last laugh!” Self torture Conviction… Dealing with a problem in ways that do not serve as a solution only punishes you and does not even solve the problem! Self torture (46) Problems with no solutions How many times have you noticed people driving their cars in a rage, often slapping the steering wheel and saying, “Oh! Its always buoy!” You may see a person walking in the street, no-one can bear to speak to him, he is so annoyed he keeps repeating, “Oh! It’s so hot!” If you were his colleague working in the same office,it would be a trial for you to have to see him everyday.