5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

‘A’ishah then asked the Prophet  and the Prophet became surprised at their fervour for wealth, and their refusal to allow this poor woman to be free! He said to ‘A’ishah, “Buy her, and then free her. The debt of loyalty is only for the one who frees the slave.” Meaning, the debt of loyalty will always be yours so long as you pay, and do not worry about their conditions for they are unjust. Then the Prophet  stood on his pulpit and said, “What is wrong with the people”, and he did not say, “What is wrong with such-and-such a family?” The Prophet  continued, “…that they stipulate conditions that do not exist in the Book of Allah? Whoever stipulates a condition that does not exist in Allah’s Book, he does not deserve that condition to be fulfilled,even if he were to stipulate a hundred such conditions!” (al-Bukhari and Muslim) Yes! This is how he said it. He waved his stick from afar, but Do not criticise! didn’t strike anything with it. What can be better for you than to say to your wife, who does not keep the house tidy, “Yesterday, we stayed with a friend of mine, and everyone praised the cleanliness of his house.” What can be better than for you to say to your son, who does not pray in the mosque, “I am amazed at this person in our neighbourhood! I never seem to miss him in the mosque at all!” Meaning, “It is you I am referring to so please pay attention!” It is right for you to ask why people dislike criticism, to which I would say in response, “Because it makes them feel deficient. Everyone loves perfection.” It is said that once a very simple man wanted to be in control. To that end he got hold of two thermoses, one green and the other red. He filled them both with cold water. He then sat in people’s way and began to shout, “Free, cold water!” Those who were thirsty would come to him, grab a glass and pour some water for themselves. When this man would notice that the thirsty person wanted to drink from the green thermos, he would say, “No! Drink from the red one.” So he would drink from the red one. When another person would come who would want to drink from the red one, he would say, “No! Drink from the green one!” If someone were to object and ask, “What is the difference between the two?!” He would say, “I am responsible for the water. Either be pleased with what you have, or help yourself with water from elsewhere!” Do not criticise! It is the constant feeling in a person to be recognised and acknowledged as being important that drives him. A bee and a fly… Be like a bee that seeks out the scent and ignores the filth. Do not be like a fly that seeks out the bloody wounds. Do not criticise! (32) Do not be dictatorial Compare between three fathers. Each one of them sees his son sitting in front of the television screen during the days of his examination. The first one says to his son,“Muhammad! Revise your lessons!” The second says, “Majid! If you do not revise, by Allah, I will hit you and I will not give you any pocket money!” The third says, “Salih! Would you please revise your lessons? It would be better than watching television, don’t you think?” Which of the three would be considered best manners? Undoubtedly, the third, since he presented his order to him as if it were only a suggestion. Similarly, it should be the case when dealing with your wife. “Sarah, can you please make a cup of tea?” “Hind, I would like to have an early lunch today, if possible.” Likewise, when a person errs, try to rectify it by ways in which he would think that rectification was his own initiative. For example, your son is often not present for prayers in the mosque. You can say to him, for instance, “Sa’d, don’t you wish to enter paradise? Surely you do! In that case, you should guard your prayers.” Once upon a time, in a Bedouin tent in the desert, a woman was groaning while giving birth. Her husband was next to her, waiting for her to deliver. The labour became severe for the woman, and she finally gave birth, but to a black child! The man looked at himself and his wife to find both of them fair-skinned. He became surprised as to how his son could be black. The devil whispered into his heart saying, “Perhaps, this baby is someone else’s. Perhaps a black man fornicated with her, and thus she became pregnant! Perhaps…” The man became confused and went to Madinah and approached the Messenger of Allah  whilst he was sitting with his Companions.