91. Be brave and start from now! (cont.)

She said to him, “I swear by the One who has Khawlah’s life in His Hand, you will never approach me after having said what you did, until Allah’s Messenger gives a judgement.” With women Khawlah then left to visit the Messenger of Allah  and told him what had happened. She also complained to him about how she was treated by her husband. The Prophet  admonished her and advised her to remain patient, saying, “O Khawlah! He is your cousin and an old man, so fear Allah with regards to him.” She said in response, “O Messenger of Allah! He married me when I was young, my stomach became flabby due to pregnancy, and now, when I have become old and unable to have any more children, he has divorced me! O Allah! I complain to you!” The Prophet  heard her words and waited for Allah to reveal a verdict regarding her case, and while Khawlah was with the Prophet , there came Jibreel  from the heavens and revealed unto the Prophet  the ruling concerning her and her husband. The Prophet  turned to her and said, “O Khawlah! Allah has revealed a verse concerning you and your husband.” He then recited: “Allah has heard the saying of she that disputes with you (Muhammad) concerning her husband, and complains unto Allah. And Allah hears your argument. Indeed Allah is the Hearer, Knower...” until the end of the verses from the early part of Surah al-Mujadilah. The Prophet  said to her, “Order him to free a slave.” She said, “O Messenger of Allah, he doesn’t have a slave to free.” He said, “Then tell him to fast two consecutive months.” She said, “By Allah, he is an old man who doesn’t have the strength to fast.” With women He said, “Then let him feed sixty poor people a wasq (160 kg) of dates” She said, “O Messenger of Allah, he doesn’t have that to give.” He said, “In that case, we will help him with some dates.” She said, “O Messenger of Allah, I will help him with some dates myself.” The Prophet  said, “This is very good of you. Go and give charity on his behalf, and look after your cousin.” (Ahmad and Abu Dawud, Sahih) Glory be to Allah who granted the Prophet  the quality of gentleness and leniency, even when dealing with personal problems! I myself have exercised gentleness and emotional skills with my daughter and wife, and prior to that with my mother and sister, and I have found it to be very effective indeed. No man honours a woman except an honourable one, and no one demeans a woman except a mean person. A point to note... A woman can be patient with her husband’s poverty, unattractiveness and busy schedule, but she cannot be patient with his rude behaviour. With women (11) With children... How many incidents that occurred in our childhood days do we still remember up until today, be they happy or sad memories? Think about your childhood and no doubt you will remember the day you received a certificate of achievement at school, or when someone praised you in a public gathering, and so on. These are the sort of incidents that become imprinted in your memory such that you can never forget. We likewise remember the sad memories from our childhood, such as a teacher chastising us, or a fight with a classmate, or being humiliated by a family member. How often does the good treatment of children not only affect them but also their parents and families, and it earns their love and respect? It is often the case that primary school teachers are contacted by their pupils’ parents who thank them and express their love and respect merely for the fact that they love and respect their children. They may express their gratitude sometimes by words and sometimes as gifts. Therefore, do not belittle smiling at a child, winning his heart and exercising interpersonal skills with him. I once delivered a lecture about the importance of prayer to a group of children in a school. I asked them if anyone knew of a hadith concerning the importance of prayer. One of the children responded saying, “The Prophet  has said: “Between a man and disbelief and polytheism is to abandon the prayer.’’ I was so amazed by his response and his zeal that I instantly took off my watch and gave it to him, although, my watch wasn’t anything special. This incident encouraged the child to study more eagerly and memorise the Qur’an, since he had felt self-worth. Years passed by, I went to a mosque and was astonished to discover that the Imam of the mosque was that same child. He had grown to become a fine young man who had graduated from the Shari’ah College, and was now working in a court. Although, I did not remember him, he had remembered me. Notice how love and respect developed in his heart due to a childhood incident.