5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

'Umar – may Allah be pleased with him – wanted to Be concise and do not argue advise the young man, so he said, "Bring the boy back to me." When the young man came back and stood in front of 'Umar, he said, "Dear nephew, raise your garment, for it is cleaner for your garment and a more pious conduct towards your Lord." (al-Bukhari). End of story. This was a very brief advice, where the message was successfully delivered. Avoid arguments as much as you can, especially if you feel that the one you are speaking to is arrogant. The objective is only to give him advice and not to initiate a debate. Allah has condemned argumentation by saying, "They raise not the objection save for argument." The Prophet said, "No people were misguided after being guided, except that they were made busy with argumentation." He also said, "I guarantee a mansion in the middle of paradise for those who leave off argumentation, even if they are right." Some people are easily convinced, when they think, but most people have an element of scornfulness and arrogance. The Pharaoh and his people, when they realised the truth, believed in it in their hearts, yet were obstructed by their own arrogance to follow it, Allah said of them, "And they denied them, though their souls acknowledged them, for spite and arrogance." Your sole objective is to make one aware of his mistake so that he may avoid it in future. Your objective is not to be victorious over him. Neither of you are in a boxing ring. Once the Prophet came to 'Ali and Fatimah – may Allah be pleased with them both – at night, and asked them, "Wouldn't you like to pray?" Meaning; wouldn't you like to pray the night prayer? Be concise and do not argue 'Ali replied, "Our souls are in the Hands of Allah. Whenever He wants to wake us up He will." The Prophet walked away slapping his thigh with his hand, saying, "But man is more than anything contentious." (alBukhari) Sometimes, the one you are advising may say something to excuse himself, and even though the excuse might not be convincing, he would say it anyway just to preserve his honour. Be forbearing, accept his excuse and do not be harsh on him. Do not close all the doors for him. Rather, keep all the doors open for him as you advise him. Even if he says something wrong, you can correct it in a way he doesn't even realise. So begin by praising him, his intelligence and boldness, and then you should say, "however…" followed by your counter-arguments if he was mistaken in what he had said. Point of view… Bring the error to his attention succinctly and do not lecture him. Be concise and do not argue (57) Do not care about what people say My son, 'Abd al-Rahman, once kept repeating a phrase I was amazed by. I think at that age he couldn't actually understand what it meant. He used to say, "Ignore, live and let live…" I contemplated on this phrase as I thought about people's criticisms, opinions, and dialogues, and found that people vary in their speech and criticisms. Amongst them are those who are sincere advisors but are not very skilful, and hence, their approach saddens you rather than making you happy. Amongst them are those who are envious, people who actually intend to sadden you and make you grieve. Amongst them are those who do not know much, and hence, they often do not know what they are saying. It would be better if such people were to remain silent. Amongst them are those whose nature is always to criticise, since they look at life through a dark set of goggles, as it were. There is an old saying, "If people had the same taste, merchandise would be rendered futile." It is said Juha once mounted on his donkey while his son walked by his side. As they passed by another group of people, the people said, "Look at this inconsiderate father! He rides the donkey in comfort while his son is walking by him in the sun!" Juha heard them, stopped the donkey, dismounted and let his son ride instead. They continued on, and as Juha felt better about himself, they passed by another group of people. One of them said, "Look at this disobedient son! He rides while leaving his father to walk in the sun!" Juha heard them, stopped his donkey and mounted it along with his son to save himself from people's criticism. They then passed by a people who said, "Look at these inconsiderate people! They do not have pity on the animal!" Juha then dismounted and said to his son, "Dear son, please descend." The son descended and began to walk by his father's side.