5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

Convince him of his error so he may accept advice (38) Do not criticise me! End of story? Some people think that by criticising others over microscopic faults, they are somehow getting closer to them, or strengthening their own personality. The truth is that a constant barrage of absolute criticism does not prove your shrewdness. On the contrary, your ability to avoid it as much as possible and endeavour to correct people in ways that do not cause them hurt or embarrassment is the indication of an astute person. There are cases in which it is preferable you remain oblivious, especially when they involve worldly issues and personal rights. The leader of a people is not the one who is foolish The leader of a people is the one who pretends to be foolish The one who is criticised views criticisms as sharp arrows directed towards him, because he feels he is deficient.This is the first point. The second point is to try to avoid as much as you can advising someone in public: Advise me in private freely But do spare me of your advice in public For the advice given in public is a form of rebuke I do not like to hear When a mistake becomes widespread and you feel compelled to advise a person publicly, then adhere to the principle: "What is wrong with the people that they do such and such?", as we have already explained. A criticism is like a whip which the critic uses to lash someone's back. Some people repel others either by the excessiveness of their criticisms, or by criticising bygone things where their criticisms do not rectify any wrongdoing or achieve any objective. The plight of a poor man who had left his land for another country to work as a truck driver comes to mind. One day, he was very tired, but he managed to force himself to sit in the truck and drive it a long way between two cities. On the way, he was overtaken by slumber. He tried to fight off sleep and accelerated a little. He overtook a car in front of him without paying full attention, only to encounter another small car heading towards him with three passengers. He tried to steer away but could not and collided into the car head on. There was a lot of dust and smoke at the scene, and the passersby began to stop their cars to witness the accident. The truck driver came out and looked at the car, then looked at the passengers to find them all dead. The people took the passengers out of the car and called an Do not criticise me! End of story? ambulance. The truck driver sat there waiting for the ambulances to arrive. He began to think about what might happen to him from imprisonment or having to pay blood-money. He began to think about his young children and his wife. Poor man! His worries heaped onto him like a mountain. The people began to verbally attack him as they passed by. Astonishing! Was this the time to heap criticism on the poor fellow? Could it not have been delayed a little, until the driver came out of his shock? One of them said, "Why do you drive fast? This is the result of speeding!" The other said, "I have no doubt you were sleepy, and despite that you continued driving! Why didn't you stop the car and sleep?" Yet a third person said, "People like you should never be given a driving license!" People were making these comments very harshly, screaming violently. All the while, the man was sitting silently on a rock with his head in his hands, and suddenly, he fell to his side − dead. They killed him by the spontaneity and ruthlessness of their criticisms. If only they had waited a little, it would have been better for him and them. Place yourself in the shoes of the one who is criticised, the one who is wrong, and think from his point of view. If you were to be in his place, you would probably make a mistake bigger than his. Do not criticise me! End of story? The Prophet was always conscious of this. When the Prophet with his Companions departed from Khaybar, they travelled for a long time until they became tired. When evening approached, they stopped at a place to sleep. The Prophet said, "Who would make sure that we wake up for Fajr so we may sleep in peace?" Bilal – may Allah be pleased with him – who was very eager, said, "I shall wake you up, O Messenger of Allah!" The Messenger of Allah then lied down, as did the people and they all fell asleep. Bilal stood up and prayed until he became tired, since he too was tired due to the long journey. He sat down and leant against his camel to rest.