5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

However, what does need to be clarified further is that one must take into consideration a person's psychological state, emotions and personality when speaking to or dealing with him. Imagine a woman who has just been divorced by her husband and whose mother and father have passed away. She collects her belongings and prepares to move in with her brother and his wife. In the middle of her preparation, her neighbour comes to visit her. As the neighbour thinks of something to discuss, the divorced woman says, "I saw you yesterday outside your house." The neighbour says, "Yes, my husband insisted on taking me out for dinner, so I went. Afterwards, we went to a shop where he bought me a skirt to wear at my sister's wedding. We then went to the jewellers where he bought me a necklace to wear along with the skirt at the wedding. When we returned home, he noticed that the kids were bored, so he promised to take them out on the weekend." As the poor divorced woman listens to all this, she reflects upon what her predicament will be when she leaves for her brother's house. The question is, is it appropriate to discuss something of this nature when the woman has just come out of a failed marriage? Would this woman's love for her neighbour increase due to this? Would she ever wish to sit with her ever again? I think we can all agree that the answer is a resounding 'No!' Rather, her heart would be filled with jealousy and envy.What then is the solution? Should her neighbour have lied to her? Of course not, but she could have spoken tactfully and in brief. She could have said, "We had some things to do, so we went out", and then she should have changed the topic and tried to ease the pain of her neighbour. Suppose two friends sit their secondary school examinations and one of them passes with flying colours whilst the other one fails in some subjects and therefore does not achieve the grades required for university. Would it be appropriate for the one who has passed to visit his friend and discuss the university that has accepted him and the various opportunities that have opened up? No doubt we would all say no. What then should he do? He should mention general matters that might lighten his worry. He could complain about the large number of applicants Taking one's psychological condition into consideration to universities, how many people are not accepted, and all the other things that might make his friend feel better. Thereafter, his friend would probably not mind sitting with him and remaining his companion. The same can be said about two young men who meet each other, one of whom has a generous father who is always showering him with wealth, while the other has a miserly father who hardly meets his needs. It would not be appropriate for the son of the generous father to speak about the generosity of his father and how he loves to spend on him, because this would distress his friend and cause him to remember his bad fortune with his father. Subsequently, he would not like to be in his company as he would feel that he is insensitive. For this reason, the Prophet emphasised that people's psychological conditions and sensitivities be considered. He said, "Do not stare at a leper." (Ibn Majah, Sahih) A leper is not attractive to look at and hence, it is inappropriate that if he passes by a group of people that they should stare at him, for this would remind him of his affliction and hurt him further. One occasion which beautifully demonstrates the Prophet's consideration for people's sensitivities is the way he dealt with Abu Bakr's father when heading to the conquest of Makkah with the Muslim army. Abu Bakr's father, Abu Quhafah, was a blind old man. He said to his granddaughter, "Dear daughter, take me to Mount Abu Qays so I can see for myself the truth of what they are saying, and whether Muhammad really is approaching or not." She took him to the mountain and then he said, "Tell me, Taking one's psychological condition into consideration what you see." She said, "I see blackness approaching us." He said, "Those are the horses." She said, "I see a man going back and forth in front of that blackness." He said, "He is the man responsible for leading the horses." She said, "The blackness has now spread." He said, "By Allah, this means that the horses have nearly approached Makkah. Take me to my house quickly for they have said that whoever shuts himself in his house is safe!" The girl brought him down the mountain, but they were intercepted by Muslim horsemen before they could reach home. Abu Bakr went to his father and greeted him. Then he took him by his hand to the Messenger of Allah in the mosque.