91. Be brave and start from now! (cont.)

As a seventeen year old, I came across a book called, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie, which I found to be quite excellent and which I subsequently read several times. The author suggested that one should read the book once a month, which is exactly what I did. I began to apply its principles when dealing with others and witnessed amazing results. Carnegie would often mention a principle and then cite various examples of this by way of incidents related to prominent figures, such as Roosevelt, Lincoln, Joseph, and so on. I contemplated and realised that the author's only goal was to attain worldly happiness. What if he were to have known Islam and the etiquettes it teaches? He would surely have achieved eternal as well as ephemeral happiness! How about if he were to have turned his wonderful interpersonal skills into worship, with which he would have drawn closer to Allah? When I later discovered that Carnegie had committed suicide, I knew for certain that his book, despite its merits, had not benefitted him. I then began to search our own history and discovered that the life of Allah's Messenger , his Companions, and anecdotes of some of the prominent men of this ummah are more than enough for us to learn lessons from. From then on, I began to author this book concerning the art of dealing with others. Hence, this book is not the product of a month or a year's toil. Rather, it is the result of twenty years of serious study. Although Allah has blessed me with the ability to have produced twenty books so far, some of which have been printed in their millions, I nevertheless believe that the most beloved, precious and beneficial of all of them to me is this book, which I wrote with ink blended with my blood; I poured out my soul and squeezed out my memories as I wrote these lines. I have written these words from the very depths of my heart so it may penetrate the heart of the reader, and would be delighted to learn that he or she has indeed implemented its teachings, experienced an improvement in his or her skills, and therefore actually began enjoying life. If he or she were to then thankfully write a message expressing his or her views and feelings honestly and send it to me via email or SMS, I would be grateful for this kindness and remember to pray for him or her in their absence. I pray to Allah that the reader benefits from these pages, and that He makes my efforts purely for His sake. Written by the one who is always praying for what is best for you. Dr. Muhammad bin 'Abd al-Rahman al-'Arifi (1) They did not benefit I remember once receiving a message on my mobile phone which read: "Dear Shaykh, what is the ruling on suicide?" I called the sender to find a very young man on the other end of the line. I said, "I am sorry, I didn't understand your question. Can you please repeat your question?" He said with a grieving voice, "The question is clear. What is the ruling on suicide?" I decided to surprise him by saying in response something unexpected, so I said, "It is recommended!" He screamed, "What?!" I said, "How about if we discuss the best way for you to do it?" The young man fell silent. I said to him, "OK. Why do you want to commit suicide?" He said, "Because, I can't find work. People do not love me. In fact, I am an utter failure...", and thus he began to relate to me his long story in order to prove that he had failed to develop his interpersonal skills and was unsuccessful in utilising his talents. This is a problem with many people. Why do some of us feel inferior? Why do we look at those at the peak of the mountain while thinking of ourselves as unworthy of reaching that peak as they have, or even climbing it as they did? The one frightened of climbing mountains forever lives in the ditches Do you wish to know who will not benefit from this book, or any other similar book, for that matter? It is the unfortunate one who surrenders to his own errors and becomes satisfied with his limited skills, and says, "This is my nature. I have become too used to it now; I cannot change my ways. Everyone knows this is how I am. I can never speak like Khalid does, or have a cheerful countenance like Ahmad has, or be universally loved the way Ziyad is. That would be impossible." I once sat with a very old man in a public gathering. Most of those present were people with the usual skills and abilities. The old man was busy speaking to whoever was sitting next to him. He did not stand out in the crowd for any reason, except by virtue of his old age.