5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

Eschew such abomination, that you may prosper." Thereafter, everyone who used to drink abandoned it. However, some people who used to live outside of Madinah did not know about the absolute prohibition of alcohol. One day, 'Amir bin Rabi'ah, the great Companion, returned from his journey, and presented a bottle of alcohol to the Prophet - a bottle full of alcohol! The Prophet never used to drink alcohol, neither in the pre-Islamic days of ignorance nor in Islam. However, the people still used to offer him gifts, some of which he would not use himself but give to others or sell. People would sometimes give him gold and silver, but he would not wear them and instead give them to his wives or others. The Prophet looked at the alcohol in surprise. He turned to 'Amir bin Rabi'ah and said, "Don't you know that this has been forbidden?" Make your tongue sweet He replied, "Forbidden? No! I didn't know about it, O Messenger of Allah!" The Prophet said, "Yes. It has been forbidden." 'Amir then took it away. Some people then suggested to him that he should sell it. When the Prophet heard about it, he said, "No. When Allah forbids something, he also forbids its value." Upon hearing this, the Companion took the bottle and poured the alcohol on the ground. Be careful of praising yourself while advising others, and ending up elevating yourself while putting the one being advised down. No one likes being treated in this way. Some fathers, for example, when advising their sons, begin to mention their own achievements and glories, "I used to be this and that…" Perhaps the sons already know the history of their fathers! So when you are in need of giving an example when advising, try your best not to mention yourself as an example and recall your bravery and glorious actions. Only mention others, such that the one being advised does not feel that you are degrading him and praising yourself. In short… "Even a good word is charity," Hadith. Make your tongue sweet (56) Be concise and do not argue They say that the one who advises is like the one who whips. It is only by the virtue of the whip-man's skill that the pain remains. Take note, that I said 'whip-man's skill' and not 'whip-man's strength'! Hence, the aggressive whip-man who whips with all his might inflicts pain on the man only for the moment the whip hits the body. But it isn't long until the man forgets the pain. As for the experienced whip-man, he may not even whip with all his might, but he knows where to whip. The same is applicable to the one who advises. What matters is not excessive speech or a lengthy advice, but the approach of the one who is advising. Try to shorten your advice as much as you can. If you want to advise him, then do not give him a lecture, especially if it is over an undisputable issue, such as advising someone against anger, drinking alcohol, leaving the prayer, disobeying the parents and so on. I contemplated the personal advices given by the Prophet and noticed that they are not longer than a sentence or two. For example, "O 'Ali, do not follow a look by another look, for the first look is for you, but the second is not." End of story. This was a very brief piece of advice. "O 'Abdullah bin 'Umar, be in this world as if you are a stranger, or a wayfarer." End of story. Another very brief piece of advice. "O Mu'adh! By Allah I love you! Do not forget to say after every prayer: 'O Allah, help me to remember you, thank you and worship you perfectly.'" "O 'Umar! You are a strong person, so do not jostle through the crowds to reach the black stone." Similarly, the intelligent people after the Prophet would keep their advice brief. Abu Hurayrah – may Allah be pleased with him – once met al-Farazdaq the poet and said, "Dear nephew! I notice that your feet are small, try to look for a place for them in paradise." Meaning; Try to find a place for yourself in paradise by leaving off slandering chaste women in your poetry. 'Umar – may Allah be pleased with him – was on his deathbed and people were visiting him one after another to bid him farewell and praise his efforts. There came a young man who said, "Glad tidings, O leader of the believers! Glad tidings of accompanying the Messenger of Allah ! You strove for Islam as you are aware, then became a just leader, and now you have been martyred." 'Umar replied, "I wish none of this is a proof against me or for me." When the young man turned around to leave, 'Umar saw his garment dragging on the ground. His garment was hanging below his ankles.