5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

When I sat down on my chair, I said to him, ‘‘Abd al-Muhsin, please, come to the front.’ He said, ‘I feel fine where I am and I can follow the lesson comfortably.’ I said, ‘Dear brother, please sit a little closer and let us see your rosy cheeks!’ Thereupon some of the students turned around to look at him and he turned bright red. I realised that I had made a mistake, so in order to patch it up I said, ‘The girl who marries you will be delighted! But as for these boys, they would have a hard time finding a bride!’ I then began the lecture instantly without leaving a moment for anyone to think about it further. The student also smiled and moved over to the front row.” Therefore, even though these sorts of mistakes do happen, they are very easy to overcome. Sometimes, you may embarrass or upset someone, not mistakenly, but because this is what the situation may demand. For instance, if two of your friends quarrel and you think that one of them is correct, you will support him and may even criticise the other one. This may even happen between your children, students or neighbours. What then should you do? Should we allow these situations to cause us to lose our friends, one after another, when we always endeavour to do our best to gain people’s hearts and make friends? Certainly not! So what should we do? The answer is that if you ever find that someone has become upset with you over some words you had uttered, or was saddened by something you did, then you should instantly try to heal the wound before it inflames, by using the appropriate skill. How can you do this? Take this for an example: Patching up Makkah, before the Muslims had conquered it, was under the control of the pagans. The pagans had made life difficult for the weak Muslims therein and were oppressing the children of those who had migrated to Madinah but had not been able to take their offspring with them. The Muslims were living through very difficult times.The Prophet  wanted to enter Makkah to perform ‘Umrah but the Quraysh turned him away, and what happened then at Hudaybiyah is history. The Prophet  signed a pact with the Quraysh wherein he agreed to return to Madinah without performing ‘Umrah, and to return the following year to perform it. After a year, the Prophet  and his Companions entered Makkah in the state of Ihram, saying, “Labbayk”. They performed ‘Umrah and the Prophet  stayed in Makkah for four days. When he headed back to Madinah, a small girl followed him. She was the daughter of Hamzah, who had been martyred at the battle of Uhud. She had remained in Makkah as an orphan. The small girl began to call the Messenger of Allah  saying, “Dear uncle! Dear uncle!” ‘Ali – may Allah be pleased with him – was riding next to the Prophet  along with his pious wife, Fatimah – may Allah be pleased with her – the daughter of the Messenger of Allah . ‘Ali lifted her up, gave her to Fatimah, and said, “Hold on to your cousin.” When Zayd saw this, he recalled that the Messenger of Allah  had created the bond of brotherhood between him and Hamzah upon their migration to Madinah. Zayd therefore came over and said, “She is my niece, and I am more deserving of her custody.” Patching up Ja’far then came over and said, “She is my cousin and her maternal aunt is my wife (i.e. Asma’ bint ‘Umays) and therefore I have more right to her custody.” ‘Ali said, “I took her first and she is my cousin.” When the Prophet  found out about their disagreement, he decreed that she should go to her maternal aunt, gave her custody to Ja’far and said, “The maternal aunt is closest to the mother.” The Prophet  then feared that ‘Ali and Zayd may have ill feelings towards him due to his decree. Thus, he decided to cheer up ‘Ali and said, “You are from me, and I am from you.” He said to Zayd, “You are our brother and confederate.” He said to Ja’far, “You resemble my physical appearance and character.” Notice how much of an expert the Prophet  was in cleansing people’s hearts from malice and winning them over. If we were now to return to the story of our friend who said, “I wish you were a girl so that I could marry you!” How could the damage be repaired? There are several doors he can escape via. He can change the topic instantly in order not to give any opportunity to the person to think about what he has said.