5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

For example, if you were to call a group of friends over for dinner and wanted to request from your wife that she cooks and cleans the house, it would be appropriate if you begin by saying, “Your food is truly delicious! All of my friends would be delighted if I call them over to eat the dinner you prepare. Can you believe it? I have eaten in all the grand restaurants, but none of the dishes there compare to your cooking! Yesterday I met a friend of mine who has just returned from his travels, so I asked him out of courtesy to come and have dinner with us, but he surprised me by accepting the invitation! So I decided to call some friends over with him too. I really hope you can cook for us all.” This would be much better than for you to enter the house screaming, “O so-and-so!” “Yes, I am coming!” she would say, thinking that you are asking her to go out with you for entertainment. But instead, you say to her, “Hurry up! Go to the kitchen! I have some friends coming over! Don’t delay!” The same rules apply if you wish to ask your manager for some time off, or make a request to your parents for something. I have come across various incidents in the life of the Prophet  that are indicative of that. When the Prophet  was a child, was raised near the dwellings of the Hawazin tribe. He therefore wished for them to accept Islam. However, it reached him that Hawazin had gathered their forces and were preparing to fight him. So the Prophet  fought them, and Allah bestowed him with victory and booty. Some of the people of Hawazin then approached the Messenger of Allah , as he stopped over at Ji’ranah. Some people had been killed from Hawazin just as some Muslims had also been killed as a result of the battle. The Prophet  had placed their women and children in an isolated location. The intelligent ones from the Hawazin tribe decided to speak to the Messenger of Allah  to persuade him to release the women and children. To this end they chose an eloquent diplomat from amongst them to speak to the Prophet . Therefore, a man from Hawazin by the name of, Zuhayr Abu Surad stood up and said, “O Prophet of Allah, the captives in the wards of your army are in fact your relatives. Among them are your paternal and maternal aunts as well as your nurse-mothers who held you in their arms as a Charity before consultation baby. Had our women played similar roles to al-Harith bin Abu Shimr, or to al-Nu’man bin al-Mundhir, and had any of these kings inflicted upon us what you have inflicted, then they would have granted every request of ours if we had asked for their mercy and compassion and reminded them of their obligation. You, on the other hand, are the most merciful and compassionate man and the least needful of being reminded of your obligations.” He then recited some verses of poetry, and subsequently, the Prophet  let the women and children free. Contemplate on how the man began by mentioning some preliminary facts before presenting his request. He reminded the Messenger of Allah  of his childhood days in the dwellings of Hawazin Banu Sa’d. He then kindled generosity in the heart of the Prophet  by saying that if any of the kings were to be have generous towards them, then that indeed would have been generosity, but the Prophet , on the other hand was the most generous of all people. How beautifully he worded his request! Allah has taught the believers the appropriate etiquettes when he said, “O you who believe, when you consult the Messenger, offer something in charity before your consultation.” Whenever the Arabs wanted to seek help or aid from someone, they would always begin by mentioning good words and poems. Likewise, when they wanted to disgrace or fight someone, they would begin with lectures and poems, for words have an impact on the soul which swords cannot. When the Messenger of Allah  wanted to perform ‘Umrah, the Quraysh became frightened, and the Prophet  would have fought them if it wasn’t for the fact that the Quraysh requested Charity before consultation that he sign a ten-year peace treaty with them. The conflict subsequently stopped. One of the conditions stipulated in the treaty was that whichever of the tribes that wished to enter into allegiance with Muhammad  could do so, and those that wished to enter into the allegiance of Quraysh could do so. The Khuza’ah tribe decided to enter into allegiance with the Prophet , whilst the Banu Bakr tribe decided to enter into allegiance with Quraysh. These two tribes had a history of bad blood and fighting.The malice Quraysh had for Khuza’ah increased, but they feared that if they did any harm to them, the Prophet  would aid their cause.