5. Would you like to meet him outside the institution? (cont.)

The Prophet was asked, "What are the most common reasons for which people enter Hell?" He replied, "This and this." Meaning, the private parts and the tongue. Help by your speech if you cannot do so in any other way (82) Supplications I do not intend to discuss here the virtues of supplication and the manners and conditions for them to be answered, for none of this is directly related to our main discussion here, which is the art of dealing with others. What I wish to address here is how you can skilfully win people over via your supplications. The first step is to supplicate to Allah that he guides you to the best of manners and character. The Prophet used to say in his supplications, "O Allah, to you belongs all praise! There is no one worthy of worship but you. Glory be to you with your praise. I have wronged myself and acknowledged my sins, so please forgive my sins, for none forgives the sins except You. Guide me to the best of manners, for none guides one to them except You. Avert bad manners from me, for none averts bad manners except You. We are at Your service and all good is in Your Hand." (Abu 'Awana with this wording, Sahih) To return to the topic, how can you win over people by your supplications? People generally tend to like others supplicating for them. They delight when you greet them upon meeting them and then supplicate for them. So when you say, "How are you doing? What's the latest?" You should also say, "May Allah keep you safe. May He bless you. May He keep your heart firm." Try not to use overused supplications, like, "May Allah grant you success, may He protect you." Because although these are also good supplications, the people are all too used it them. When you meet anyone with children, you should pray for them saying, "May Allah make them the source of your delight. May He keep you all together. May Allah make them all obedient", and so on. I say this from experience, for I have done this many times and noticed how quickly it captures people's hearts. A couple of years ago, on one of the nights of Ramadan, I was called for a live show on a Satellite Television channel. The show was about worshiping during the month of Ramadan. It was held in Makkah in a hotel room overlooking the Haram. We were discussing Ramadan as the viewers were watching the people performing 'Umrah live through the window behind us. It was a majestic scene, so much so that even the presenter was moved and wept during the show. The atmosphere was spiritually invigorating and nothing spoiled it for us except the cameraman. He was holding the camera in one hand and a cigarette in the other, as if he did not want to miss inhaling smoke on a single night of Ramadan! This bothered me greatly since the smoke was choking me. However, I had no option except to have patience as the show was live. A whole hour passed by and the show finally ended without any trouble. Supplications The cameraman came to me holding a cigarette and thanked and praised me. I shook his hand and said, "I would also like to thank you for participating in recording a religious programme. However, I do have something to say to you, I hope you would accept it." "Please, do!" he said. I said, "The smoke and cigare..." "Please do not advise me. By Allah, it will be of no use!" he said, interrupting me. I said, "Ok, then at least hear me out. You know that cigarettes are Haram and Allah says..." "Dear Shaykh, please do not waste your time. I have been smoking for more than forty years! The tar is in my blood and veins. There is no use in advising me!" he said, interrupting me once again. I said, "No use at all?" He became slightly embarrassed and said, "Please pray for me." I held his hand and said, "Come with me." 'To where?' he asked. "Come with me and let's look at the Ka'bah" I said. I stood at the window overlooking the Haram and noticed that every part of the Haram was packed with people bowing, prostrating, performing 'Umrah and crying. It was a very moving sight. I asked, "Do you see these people?" Supplications "Yes", he said. I said, "They have come from all over the world: white, black, Arabs, non-Arabs, rich and poor. All of them are praying to Allah that he accepts their efforts and forgives their sins. Do you not wish that Allah grants you what He grants them?' "I do, indeed", he said. I said, "Raise your hands and I will pray for you. Just say Amen to my supplications." I raised my hands and supplicated, "O Allah, forgive him!" He said, "Amen." I said, "O Allah, raise his rank and unite him with his beloved ones in Paradise.